"The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years research into the feminine soul, is “ What does a woman want?” (Sigmund Freud in a letter to Marie Bonaparte.)
I don’t know what Sigi’s problem was or why such a mystery. As Sherlock Holmes said to Dr. Watson, “My Dear Watson, I would have thought it obvious.” Women want the same things that men want!
I could stop there and make this the shortest column that I have ever written, but of course, I won’t. However, that’s the bottom line, and has always been the case. The devil is in the details, as always, so let’s see if I can make a convincing case.
Men want to reach and maintain a state of happiness in our lives, and that I believe is the case with women. How do we know when we have that state of bliss? Ah! That’s the million-euro question, and that’s where things get very fuzzy. That has led many men to throw up their hands in exasperation and to declare “I don’t know what that woman wants!”
So, how are we going to define happiness, in a general sense.
- Jane Austen said “ A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. It certainly may secure all the myrtle and turkey part of it.”
- Thomas Szasz says “Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly often attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.”
- I like the way that Francis Hutcheson put it. He said, “The action is best , which procures the greatest happiness for the greatest numbers.”
In my view, happiness is a relative condition and a moveable feast. No one can be in a state of continued happiness every day of their lives. Life is simply not like that. We have our ups and downs, our successes and our defeats. Life is replete with our daily challenges and obstacles to overcome, some as simple as where do you find a plumber when you need one, or how does one get a telephone connection in this country.
“Life also brings with it disappointments, whether we are ready for them or not. Our challenge is to accept disappointment with grace”. I have placed that sentence in quotation marks as it is my original thought, in case someone wants to quote me long after I have shuffled off the scene.
It is my belief that the things that make up the component parts of happiness are, in descending order of importance: dignity and respect; recognition and self worth; love and support of family; and security and wealth.
As a woman, it is my belief that I will not make an enemy of you if I respect you as I find you, and if I leave you with your dignity intact. No matter what it is that you do, or your station in life, the quickest way for me to become persona non-grata is to violate this rule.
Recognition of your skills, whether they are professional or personal, without patronising you, is nothing more than a courtesy that I would extend to any person, male or female. There need not be anything special involved. If you are serving at the check-out counter at Mercadona you will always get a “Muchos Gracias” from me when our transaction is done, or in the case of my wife is she has cooked dinner, a simple “Thank You” seems in order. Why not? It also works the other way round.
In the work place, as a woman employee, I would hope that your male colleagues realise that you are there to earn a living because you have bills to pay. You have a job to do, a career path to follow and responsibilities to the firm. You are not decoration, or some plaything, and if you fail to conduct yourself within the strict guidelines of the work environment, you may later find that you will have been the author of your own misfortune if things do go wrong.
The love and support of family requires not just a chapter of its own, but a book dedicated to just this one topic. There have been many such works published, as it is a very complex subject, but suffice it to say that if success comes as a result of those factors, (love and support of family) it will have been a far easier journey.
Lastly, security and wealth: I could make much of this category, or I can simply cut to the chase. Once we have the personal security of never having to worry where our next euro is going to come from we can then turn our attention to the words of Hutcheson, that the actions that are best are the ones that procure happiness, (or at least comfort) for the greatest numbers.
The two most wealthy people in the world and their families have shown the way by using billions of dollars of their own money for the welfare of the poor. The sense of inner satisfaction that comes from such selfless acts cannot really be measured in any way known to mankind.
What do women want? They want to be happy and content!
Do you have a different point of view on this topic? E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com
I don’t know what Sigi’s problem was or why such a mystery. As Sherlock Holmes said to Dr. Watson, “My Dear Watson, I would have thought it obvious.” Women want the same things that men want!
I could stop there and make this the shortest column that I have ever written, but of course, I won’t. However, that’s the bottom line, and has always been the case. The devil is in the details, as always, so let’s see if I can make a convincing case.
Men want to reach and maintain a state of happiness in our lives, and that I believe is the case with women. How do we know when we have that state of bliss? Ah! That’s the million-euro question, and that’s where things get very fuzzy. That has led many men to throw up their hands in exasperation and to declare “I don’t know what that woman wants!”
So, how are we going to define happiness, in a general sense.
- Jane Austen said “ A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. It certainly may secure all the myrtle and turkey part of it.”
- Thomas Szasz says “Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly often attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.”
- I like the way that Francis Hutcheson put it. He said, “The action is best , which procures the greatest happiness for the greatest numbers.”
In my view, happiness is a relative condition and a moveable feast. No one can be in a state of continued happiness every day of their lives. Life is simply not like that. We have our ups and downs, our successes and our defeats. Life is replete with our daily challenges and obstacles to overcome, some as simple as where do you find a plumber when you need one, or how does one get a telephone connection in this country.
“Life also brings with it disappointments, whether we are ready for them or not. Our challenge is to accept disappointment with grace”. I have placed that sentence in quotation marks as it is my original thought, in case someone wants to quote me long after I have shuffled off the scene.
It is my belief that the things that make up the component parts of happiness are, in descending order of importance: dignity and respect; recognition and self worth; love and support of family; and security and wealth.
As a woman, it is my belief that I will not make an enemy of you if I respect you as I find you, and if I leave you with your dignity intact. No matter what it is that you do, or your station in life, the quickest way for me to become persona non-grata is to violate this rule.
Recognition of your skills, whether they are professional or personal, without patronising you, is nothing more than a courtesy that I would extend to any person, male or female. There need not be anything special involved. If you are serving at the check-out counter at Mercadona you will always get a “Muchos Gracias” from me when our transaction is done, or in the case of my wife is she has cooked dinner, a simple “Thank You” seems in order. Why not? It also works the other way round.
In the work place, as a woman employee, I would hope that your male colleagues realise that you are there to earn a living because you have bills to pay. You have a job to do, a career path to follow and responsibilities to the firm. You are not decoration, or some plaything, and if you fail to conduct yourself within the strict guidelines of the work environment, you may later find that you will have been the author of your own misfortune if things do go wrong.
The love and support of family requires not just a chapter of its own, but a book dedicated to just this one topic. There have been many such works published, as it is a very complex subject, but suffice it to say that if success comes as a result of those factors, (love and support of family) it will have been a far easier journey.
Lastly, security and wealth: I could make much of this category, or I can simply cut to the chase. Once we have the personal security of never having to worry where our next euro is going to come from we can then turn our attention to the words of Hutcheson, that the actions that are best are the ones that procure happiness, (or at least comfort) for the greatest numbers.
The two most wealthy people in the world and their families have shown the way by using billions of dollars of their own money for the welfare of the poor. The sense of inner satisfaction that comes from such selfless acts cannot really be measured in any way known to mankind.
What do women want? They want to be happy and content!
Do you have a different point of view on this topic? E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com
Copyright (c) 2007 Eugene Carmichael
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