What I have Learned (VI)
The premise: That no man of good conscience would willingly and recklessly force himself upon another person for reasons of sex, power or control. This series is intended to raise awareness and sensitivity.
From responses received from rape survivors and from other related readings, and from personal interviews conducted with persons who hold strong views, I have learned the following things, among others:
Rape, when deliberately committed, is the most heinous of crimes against a person.
The premise: That no man of good conscience would willingly and recklessly force himself upon another person for reasons of sex, power or control. This series is intended to raise awareness and sensitivity.
From responses received from rape survivors and from other related readings, and from personal interviews conducted with persons who hold strong views, I have learned the following things, among others:
Rape, when deliberately committed, is the most heinous of crimes against a person.
That the vast majority of rapes that occur could have been/can be prevented. I want to be careful not to give the impression of blaming the victim. Rape can never be justified under any circumstances. However, the first person responsible for personal safety is the individual. Date rape, in many cases could have been avoided by simply not inviting the date in “for coffee.” If however, you would really like to do that as a gracious social thing, lay down the ground rules outside the door. You also have to know whether he can be trusted to act accordingly. Silence is too easy to be misinterpreted, and she can be sure that he is thinking about sex.
Travelling in pairs reduces the chance of a woman on her own being stalked and attacked.
Many women have no real concept of how a man is wired. To our own annoyance sex is always on our minds. Comparison with the animal kingdom would place man alongside the lion. We would be perfectly happy leading that sort of existence. Therefore, we need clear signals and help from women. You need to know that a man is never happy with “just a cuddle.”
The vast majority of men are truly decent people who would not hurt a woman. Even in the face of flagrant temptation we are able to exercise self-control. Also, most decent men despise the rapist as a weakling and a disgrace to our side.
Women who frequent discos are at high risk. Trust No One! Better to have a (soft) drink from a bottle that you hold in your hand at all times, and if you have to leave it for a bathroom break, start with a fresh one on your return. There are predators about and you relax your vigilance at your own peril. Drinking alcohol is the first thing that you perhaps should not do in such settings.
A woman has the absolute right to dress as she pleases within the legal definition of decency. However, to dress to provoke a stalker is hardly in your interest. Use common sense.
A man is in a much better position if he can successfully invite his date to his apartment, preferably with her overnight bag. This shows intent on her part, and his, and gives clear signals to both.
Men have to know that there is a class of female that is hostile to us, or at least who have a very low threshold of tolerance. Beware! Make very sure that your attention is welcome and appreciated. Take nothing for granted!
Men must also be aware that some women will purposely be vague, and then turn manipulative when he is at his most vulnerable.
Men must learn that the word NO! or STOP means just that. Take it at face value without trying to interpret it to mean something else.
A manufacturer has come up with something for women in doubtful situations. It’s called Rapex, the anti-rape condom, the most diabolical thing I’ve ever heard of, but it may just be what you need.
There is practically no substitute in life for a warm and loving relationship between two people. When I hear someone say of another that I love him or her more today, after 50 years together than when we first met, I get a very mushy feeling of envy for them. .
However, it takes all kinds of people to populate our world, and some of them are not very nice. It’s all a matter of a delicate balance of beauty and ugliness, kindness versus unkindness, caring and selfishness, tenderness and brutality, and of people who can be trusted absolutely versus those who can’t.
As a female you are one of God’s most special creations. You are marvellous to be with, and you fulfil the pivotal role of propagating the species, (after we men have done our little bit). Your security is a matter of constant concern, so perhaps you should take the advice of one of my contributors and have your home security assessed by a professional. You are entitled to be safe and secure at least in your own home.
Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael
