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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Are You a Nice Guy ?

Well! Are you?


  • Do friends borrow your stuff and fail to return it because they know that "you won't mind?
  • When you go out with the guys for a pub crawl, do they always make you the designated driver because "you won't mind staying sober", and you can be relied upon to get everyone home safely?
  • When you are eating out with another couple, does the other guy usually excuse himself to go to the toilet when the check arrives because he knows that "you won't mind paying it?"
  • Do waiters ignore you because they can see the "Mr. Nice Guy" stamp on your forehead?
  • Does your wife or girlfriend cheat on you because they know that when you find out you will forgive them?
  • Does your significant other abuse you because you're such a nice guy you will tolerate it without too much resistance?
  • Do you never raise your voice or ever get physical?
  • Do you willingly pay for everything when your relatives come out to visit with you?

Even if you only answered "Yes" to one of the above, you're a Nice Guy. Heaven forbid you answered yes to all of them, because if you did, you're the all-time champion Mr. Super Nice Guy, and you probably can also walk on water. You also need help!

But, it is only a problem if you think it is, after all, it's your life. However, there usually comes a breaking point, and it is simply not a healthy thing to deliberately push a person to the brink, nor to allow yourself to be pushed that far. When the snap comes and the worm turns the individual tends not to know when enough is enough. That is when everybody says in amazement, "but he was such a nice guy!"

Ever wonder why a certain man stabbed his wife 122 times; or why a wife waited until her drunken and abusive husband was asleep to pour petrol over him and then set him alight?

So often, upon close examination we see that Mr. Nice Guy is the author of his own unhappiness. To begin with he is usually a dreadful judge of character, and that leads him to make the most destructive choices in friends. He would most likely pick the sexy, high-maintenence blonde over the homely, slightly overweight woman who loves him for himself. Everybody else can see at once that his choice will lead to disaster and will end in tears, everyone else except himself.

Later, when he is bankrupt and on his knees begging her not to leave him he will be asking himself, why do these things happen to me. What have I done to deserve this? I try to be nice to everybody and all that I get in return is shat upon. Life is so unfair!

By standing up for yourself and insisting on being treated fairly others will actually respect you for it.

  • It's O.K. to say, I was the designated driver last time, its someone else's turn tonight.
  • You borrowed my DVD and I want it back, Now!
  • Wait out the other guy to return from the toilet before paying the check in the restaurant. He will respect you, and he won't ever do it again because he will risk the embarressment.
  • Get in the waiter's face if he insists on ignoring you. You will soon get his respect.
  • If your woman cheats on you, whether you choose to forgive her or not is a matter that only you can decide. Just remember that forgiveness is earned, it is not something to be given out like a chocolate bar.
  • People who are fond of dishing out abuse are usually in reality cowards who use their abusiveness as a cover for their own insecurities. Standing up for yourself means confrontation, but if done right it has a way of levelling the playing field. Lie down like a door mat and your other will brush their feet on you.

Finally, if your relatives, who after all are your family, come to stay and impose all the costs of their vacation on you, you could say shame on them. If you let them do it a second time, the shame is on you. Simply make sure that when accepting their date of arrival to make it clear that they must bring copious amounts of money to pay for all associated costs of the trip, including your meals if they want you to go with them to restaurants. You could explain that you're in the middle of a financial crisis. They probably will change their mind about coming. Would that be such a bad thing under the circumstances?

If you are the one who has a nice guy as a friend you need to consider whether you treat that person fairly. That is because a friend like that is really a rare one indeed, and you are a lucky person. If we are very, very lucky we only get one true friend in our entire lifetime. Maybe the friend you have is it, the One in a Million.

Do you know someone who is a really, really nice guy. Tell me about him. I would like to get to know him. E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com I'm hoping to hear from you soon.

Copyright (c) 2007 -Eugene Carmichael