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Saturday, February 24, 2007

The Hard Hearted Hannah Award



The Hard Hearted Hannah Award goes to………..


A man, who we shall call Marc, sat down to dinner with his wife and two children, and after dinner, when the children had been put to bed his wife entered the living room where Marc was watching television and asked to speak with him without the distraction of the television. She said that the thing was she would like a divorce, and in the meantime she wanted him to pack up his things that night and move out of her house.

At one time in my working life I was supervised by Marc, a man who was as solid a family man as ever there was. He was a rock, a pillar of society. After our normal workday he would grab a quick bite to eat, then he would go to what he called, “the building site” where he worked mostly single-handed on building a home for his family. At certain times he needed volunteer labour, and all he had to do was ask the guys and we would give him the time. I personally got to know that house quite well.

The reason he was able to take his evening meal on this night with the family was that he had finally, substantially completed the house and could afford to live like a normal human being.

We make much of domestic violence, as I think we should, but I have always regarded this example as being one of the most violent episodes, and it didn’t involve anything physical.

Marc told his story over and over again to anyone he could nail down, always asking Why? How could she? He said that he was so stunned by her words, that what followed was something of a blur. He does remember her saying something about “you were never here” and to his question, “I thought you loved me,” she replied that she stopped loving him about five years ago. To another question “Is there someone else,” she simply answered “Yes!”

He couldn’t believe that having invested so much time and effort in building a house with his own hands, he was now being ordered out, and that the law would support her. His only sin was that he had cared for his family’s future. He said that he left the house rather than strike her dead, taking absolutely nothing with him, and he never went back. He also never did another day’s work in his life, instead becoming the town’s drunk and beggar.

All of us guys from his old crew vowed we would do our little bit to try and help him through his ordeal. He became so hopeless that even his attempts at suicide were pathetically ineffective. He was always in the drunk tank, and all he cared about was his next drink. He was always glad to see me because he knew he could always rely on me for a bit of cash, as was the case with a lot of people who knew about his situation and wanted to help. Sometimes, when I was a bit low on money I would take care to change my normal route to avoid him.

I have always reflected on this. Of course it’s a mistake to take sides when a couple split, but this seemed on the face of it to be especially harsh. How, indeed can someone be so hard hearted towards another person who was doing his best for his family? Where does the capacity come from, especially when it is not provoked, to be so evil? How does such a person justify their actions? How could he have so badly miscalculated her character?

He received an outpouring of sympathy from the community, and an equal amount of scorn and condemnation was heaped on the woman and her lover. The children were, of course caught in the middle.

For a long time I took the example of Marc as a cautionary tale. I viewed anyone new that I met with suspicion. Gradually I came to realise that this was simply the story of two people and need not have any bearing on anyone else’s relationship. It was such an extraordinary circumstance, and she was such a bitch, that she gave bitchy women everywhere a bad name.

The last time that I saw Marc was about eight years ago. He was still begging to exist. He tended to hang out with three other down and outs, two men and a woman. Sometimes I would see him after he had spent the night at the shelter for the homeless. Before he left for the day he had to have a bath and breakfast. At those times he would be fairly lucid. The two things he was most proud of were, (a) he never laid a hand on her; and (b) he never stole anything.

His life was turned upside down a little more than thirty years ago. I have just heard that he finally died an actual death, rather than the death-like existence that he had for so many years. So, to my friend Marc I say, “You had to shoulder much more than your share of the worst of what life can inflict on us. You were dealt a very lousy hand, but I am also proud of your self-control and management of your anger. We can all learn from you.
Now sleep, my friend, Rest In Peace!”
Copyright (c) 2007 -Eugene Carmichael

Monday, February 19, 2007

Do Women need Men - Readers Respond III







Stephanie and Bridget are Partners. These are not their real names, so if you know a Stephanie and Bridget, it’s not them. (But, it could be.) They are legally married and live as “Life-Partners” or simply partners. Depending on whom they are meeting they might introduce each other as “my wife.” Their marriage certificate makes no mention of man and wife, or bride and groom, instead it states “Party A” and “Party B”. The certificate is standard and is used for both heterosexual and gay couples.

In the marriage ceremony, where the pastor or official usually states, “ by the powers vested in me I pronounce you man and wife”, he stated, “I pronounce that you are now legally married ”, or that you are now legal spouses.

In another life they had both been married to men, and in Stephanie’s case she and her former husband have a daughter. Both of these women tried to conform to what society expected of them, but even as they made their vows they knew that what they were doing was wrong for them. They had known several women lovers, and they only found satisfaction with another woman. Love making with a man was a mechanical thing, and they learned to fake it, but in their hearts they knew that they could never be entirely happy in their role as wife to a man.

These were the days when one had to be incredibly brave to openly parade the fact that one was gay or lesbian. Now, with their new-found freedom they find themselves, like most other couples dreaming of raising a family. They are both of child-bearing age.

Help Wanted: One designer man to meet their criteria for the perfect father. The ideal
candidate would provide sperm to both ladies, and would appear on the birth certificates
of their children as their biological father. However, he must agree in advance to assign his parental rights and obligations to the ladies. They would consider, however, conferring upon him the role of Godfather.

The idea of a fully-grown man, taking himself off to be alone with a copy of a girly magazine is, I believe, one of the most misunderstood notions held by women. Ladies, we did that sort of thing when we were emerging sexually, but once we turned sixteen we would have to be absolutely desperate to do that. I can’t think of anything more lonesome, except perhaps doing a transaction with a prostitute.

I asked about the method of impregnation. They said that they expected that when they were ovulating I would take myself into a separate room and return with a cupful of little critters. Oh yuk!

At this point I didn’t even know that I had applied for the job.

Why not simply engage in sexual intercourse to deliver sperm to egg? After all, this is the natural method, and if, heaven forbid, they found some enjoyment from it, they would not go straight to lesbian purgatory or be drummed out of the corps. What they found wrong with that is the other partner is left entirely out of the process. That would have been the same as having a child with their previous spouses. That was not the idea. By delivering my sperm into a plastic cup, the other partner gets to introduce it via a turkey baster to the critical site where the little critters begin their swim upstream, and thereby that partner is involved. (Sort of.)

I said, considering what the objective was, the process involving the male donor leaves a lot to be desired. The entire procedure could be made into much more of a loving thing without leaving anyone out. I suggested that when it was fertile time for them that the three of us could gather for an early evening sherry, followed by dinner, and then we could retire to the bedroom. Candles would be lit, and incense be set to burn. We would play a CD of chanting by a monk’s choir. The bed would have been specially prepared and we would all disrobe. They would anoint my body with sweet smelling oils which would excite me towards climax, at which time I would kneel and a golden chalice would be held steady as they assisted me to a productive end. At the precise and right moment we would all hug, and the monks chant would rise in intensity, then all sound and movement would fall off to a calm hmmmmmm!

The ladies listened to this and enthusiastically agreed that this could work. They would have no objection and it would make for a much more memorable occasion.


So, I asked when do we start?


They replied, "when do we start? Umm! Oh! Err!"

Too bad after all that I didn’t fit their criteria of the ideal father. My fantasy sounded like fun.




Copyright © 2006 – 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Do Women need Men-Readers Respond II


Do Women need Men
Readers Respond II


From Gary M. (19 yrs old)

I don’t know! Sometimes I think women do need men, then I go to the disco and I see all these young girls hanging close to each other. They do a lot of giggling and fondling one another to make it pretty obvious that they are into one another sexually and emotionally. I’m not talking about girls who are unattractive. On the contrary, all these girls could have their pick of any of us guys, but no, they are simply not interested. Us guys can’t even get a dance with one. It makes a young guy like me wonder what is going on. What can I look forward to in the future. What is my purpose in this world if it is not to be like my father.

I am not gay, and what’s more, I could never have any such feelings for another guy. So, I suppose I should finish my education and look for a good job. Usually, I think, a man would be eager to do these things so that he would be in a good position to serve his family. But, will I ever have a family if I can’t even meet a girl who likes guys.

I was talking to my mate about this and he thinks my opinion is too pessimistic. I certainly hope he’s right.

From Joan.

(Joan is a composite woman, as there are several individual ladies’ opinions rolled up into one, being as they are so similar.)

Men! Poor things. I can see why the question has come up. We women are on the move towards equality and independence, and I can see why many men would find this movement threatening. Men have had it their way for so long, but life is a dynamic thing. It is always changing. The challenge to the human species is to be flexible enough to bend with the winds of change.

Women are outright about who they are, and their sexuality. The good news, men, is that most probably there are no more lesbians today than there have ever been. They are just more visible. Their kind inhabit the total range, including some who are like feral cats. They mate anytime, anywhere, and without any kind of human warmth. At the other end there are those who seek genuine love, warmth and affection with one exclusive partner, and they want the familiar framework of hearth and home, complete with children. So, let it be!

I think I speak for the majority of us when I say that we would like to be less dependent on men for the material things of life, as I don’t think anyone actually enjoys being beholden to another person. Freedom is knowing that you can always move on if things are just not working out. Enslavement is the exact opposite.

Men and women are so different in many ways, but fundamentally, all people respond well to a sense of self-worth defined by the skills they have and the kind of work that they do. Even manual labour is rewarding if done well. Consequently, I enjoy my job, or call it a career, and I am happy about earning a decent liveable wage. I want to be able to nurture my child or children, and to have the respect of my community, and the security of a roof over our heads. As can be seen, there is ample room within these criteria for the support of a man. Life goes so much better when you are two to deal with the everyday stresses and strains.

Not matter what else, for us women who need men, late at night when we seek a cuddle in the arms of our significant other, it really is better if he is strong, has respect for me as a full human being, not just some sex object, and that he returns my love in equal measure. Nothing else can substitute at times like that. Not my pillow, not a Teddy Bear, and certainly not another woman. Now that’s what I call real Men’s Work!

Wow! Thank you Joan, and Thank you Gary!

E-mail your concerns to eugene.spain@gmail.com


Copyright © 2006 –2007 Eugene Carmichael

Friday, February 16, 2007

Halle Maria Berry


WOMAN ON A PEDESTAL
Of course, every man has his own idea of the perfect woman. Mainly, I suppose she should be attainable and actually have some flaws so as to be real. Ms. Berry seems to be all-too perfect, and therefore, to a lot of men she's simply an illusion. We don't lust for her, nor do we fantasize or even dream of her because in reality, she works best for us as eye candy.
But, Halle Berry has far more substance to her than that. I've decided that I want to write about her because she is a fascinating study about someone who has gigantic helpings of everything, including unhappiness. Her natural beauty and female charms are overwhelming; she has fame, respect, power, more in riches than she will ever need for the rest of her life, yet she is childless, for to become pregnant would spoil the most perfect form. She has been married and divorced twice, and in both cases infidelity was cited. I'm not certain about who stepped out of line in the first marriage, but in the second her ex-man admitted his indiscretion. My question is, with whom?
When you're already sleeping with the pin-up queen of the world, who else could you possibly lust after? It seems that only one of her problems is that she cannot keep a man. That's probably not entirely her fault, but rather a case of what man could feel adequate to the job of playing her "other half." Perhaps a highly successful businessman who wants a trophy wife? Halle Berry isn't going to put up with that!
She was born in Cleveland, Ohio, in the United States, August 14th, 1966, a Sunday's child. She has celebrated her 40th birthday. If only all forty-year olds could look so good. Her mother, Judith Ann Hawkins, is from Liverpool, and her father is Afro-American, Jerome J. Berry. (Those folks sure do good work!) She has a sister named Heidi. Given the usual sibling rivalry, what must life be like for her?
Halle apparently got her name from a department store of the same name-go figure! Her biography says that she has starred / participated in over 60 movies, some of them real stinkers. Hollywood has the same problem with Halle as it does with all of its beautiful actresses: finding really substantive scripts that go beyond what the women look like. In the case of our Halle, her body is so obvious that not to focus on that part on her would be just plain dopey.
I remember watching "Swordfish", in which she plays Ginger opposite a demented and very dangerous spy, Gabriel, played by John Travolta. In her first and only on screen performance in which she bared her awesome chest, every man in the theatre stopped breathing, not just once but twice. (Aren't we silly?)
She is described as being the first black woman to win the Academy Award for Best Actress for her portrayal of Leticia Musgrove in "Monster's Ball." However, I have trouble thinking of Halle as being black or white. Her skin colouring is a golden hue, and she appears not to have any racial hangups, coming from inter-racial parents. I think perhaps that may be part of her success.
How, or why should one person have so much of everything? She has even recently released an album of songs. For many men Halle stands tall among women, but would I like to meet her? Would I like to have the experience of dining with her and getting to know her well as a friend? Absolutely not! She is best admired from afar. Up close she is probably insufferable and very intimidating. How does a human being know humility with so much going for her. I don't really need to be made to feel insignificant in her presence. Perhaps her second husband's admitted infidelity was a form of protest and an attempt to redeem his ego.
I think other women might want to appreciate her business brains; after all she gets paid about 15 million dollars for doing just one job. She does have it all, and even if other women will never attain all that she has, nonetheless she has pushed the bar to another level giving women in general incentive to aim higher. I am all in favour of universal respect for women as full human beings.
Halle Berry may be one of a kind, but the only real woman who actually means anything to me is my wife. Personally, I am content to wish Halle good luck, and above all I hope that she finds permanent personal happiness and contentment.
Having said that, I shall quit while I'm ahead!
Copyright (c) 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Are You a Nice Guy ?

Well! Are you?


  • Do friends borrow your stuff and fail to return it because they know that "you won't mind?
  • When you go out with the guys for a pub crawl, do they always make you the designated driver because "you won't mind staying sober", and you can be relied upon to get everyone home safely?
  • When you are eating out with another couple, does the other guy usually excuse himself to go to the toilet when the check arrives because he knows that "you won't mind paying it?"
  • Do waiters ignore you because they can see the "Mr. Nice Guy" stamp on your forehead?
  • Does your wife or girlfriend cheat on you because they know that when you find out you will forgive them?
  • Does your significant other abuse you because you're such a nice guy you will tolerate it without too much resistance?
  • Do you never raise your voice or ever get physical?
  • Do you willingly pay for everything when your relatives come out to visit with you?

Even if you only answered "Yes" to one of the above, you're a Nice Guy. Heaven forbid you answered yes to all of them, because if you did, you're the all-time champion Mr. Super Nice Guy, and you probably can also walk on water. You also need help!

But, it is only a problem if you think it is, after all, it's your life. However, there usually comes a breaking point, and it is simply not a healthy thing to deliberately push a person to the brink, nor to allow yourself to be pushed that far. When the snap comes and the worm turns the individual tends not to know when enough is enough. That is when everybody says in amazement, "but he was such a nice guy!"

Ever wonder why a certain man stabbed his wife 122 times; or why a wife waited until her drunken and abusive husband was asleep to pour petrol over him and then set him alight?

So often, upon close examination we see that Mr. Nice Guy is the author of his own unhappiness. To begin with he is usually a dreadful judge of character, and that leads him to make the most destructive choices in friends. He would most likely pick the sexy, high-maintenence blonde over the homely, slightly overweight woman who loves him for himself. Everybody else can see at once that his choice will lead to disaster and will end in tears, everyone else except himself.

Later, when he is bankrupt and on his knees begging her not to leave him he will be asking himself, why do these things happen to me. What have I done to deserve this? I try to be nice to everybody and all that I get in return is shat upon. Life is so unfair!

By standing up for yourself and insisting on being treated fairly others will actually respect you for it.

  • It's O.K. to say, I was the designated driver last time, its someone else's turn tonight.
  • You borrowed my DVD and I want it back, Now!
  • Wait out the other guy to return from the toilet before paying the check in the restaurant. He will respect you, and he won't ever do it again because he will risk the embarressment.
  • Get in the waiter's face if he insists on ignoring you. You will soon get his respect.
  • If your woman cheats on you, whether you choose to forgive her or not is a matter that only you can decide. Just remember that forgiveness is earned, it is not something to be given out like a chocolate bar.
  • People who are fond of dishing out abuse are usually in reality cowards who use their abusiveness as a cover for their own insecurities. Standing up for yourself means confrontation, but if done right it has a way of levelling the playing field. Lie down like a door mat and your other will brush their feet on you.

Finally, if your relatives, who after all are your family, come to stay and impose all the costs of their vacation on you, you could say shame on them. If you let them do it a second time, the shame is on you. Simply make sure that when accepting their date of arrival to make it clear that they must bring copious amounts of money to pay for all associated costs of the trip, including your meals if they want you to go with them to restaurants. You could explain that you're in the middle of a financial crisis. They probably will change their mind about coming. Would that be such a bad thing under the circumstances?

If you are the one who has a nice guy as a friend you need to consider whether you treat that person fairly. That is because a friend like that is really a rare one indeed, and you are a lucky person. If we are very, very lucky we only get one true friend in our entire lifetime. Maybe the friend you have is it, the One in a Million.

Do you know someone who is a really, really nice guy. Tell me about him. I would like to get to know him. E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com I'm hoping to hear from you soon.

Copyright (c) 2007 -Eugene Carmichael


Monday, February 5, 2007

DO WOMEN NEED MEN - READERS RESPOND I


From Randy R. Essex, England
That's a good question. I don't think they do need men for anything other than a convenient meal ticket and as a handy cash machine. I'm very cynical I know, but my own experience is not good.
It seems to me that far too many women put much too much emphasis on whether the bloke has money or not. If you're a rich old man you could have babes hanging off you by the dozens, trying to get next to you with offers of sex until you gag. If you're stupid enough to marry them, then the sex stops and you become simply a dirty old man. Then the struggle to break away, taking as much of your wealth with them as they can takes place in earnest.
There is a name for people like this and the profession that they represent, and that name has been with us since time began.
From Dave C. Costa Calida, Spain
I think that women, the vast majority anyway, still do need men in a genuine sense, and they always will. Of course, women are individuals, and there are probably as many variations of answers as those you might care to ask. Not every woman can be a super achiever who is financially secure and thinks she has no personal need of anyone. It therefore follows that of the remainder, there will be those who prefer to attain an independent status, but who still need a man emotionally; while at the other end of the spectrum there will always be those women who simply yearn for the traditional family, complete with someone strong to take care of them.
In this, men can take heart that we as a species are not superflous to general requirements, nor are we likely to become so in the foreseeable future.
Like probably every other real man I stand in awe at the things that are happening around me. Women marrying womem! I just don't know what to make of that. Basically, I think it must be wrong and counter to what God had intended. I'm sure He is as puzzled as I am, not to mention being frustrated. He went to such great lengths to get it right in our design to make men and women a perfect fit. For instance, He placed our genitalia in the exact opposite and correct position for ease of reproduction through penetration. Then one day He looked down upon us and was amazed to see that one of us had turned around, and He wondered what are they up to.
"I wish they would stop experiementing with what I have created!", He thundered.
As for men-only marriages, this is truly a product of our brave new, and very silly world. Such couples even want to complicate matters by adopting children. Where is all this going?
I try not to get too inv0lved in other people's affairs as I have enough trouble keeping my own in order. However, I do fear for the world and the direction in which we are headed. Thankfully, I imagine I will be shuffling off soon, never to worry again.
Many thanks to Randy and Dave for your contributions. I would love to receive other thoughts on this topic. Please E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com
Copyright (c) 2007 - Eugene Carmichael

Friday, February 2, 2007

SEXUAL HARASSMENT!

I'm tackling this thorny subject while I'm thoroughly annoyed, fresh from having been told by a friend, a young woman that she is out of a job because of the unrelenting pressure of a fellow worker who just would not take "No!" for an answer.

Where do I start to deal with this? The Neanderthal man who is the villain of this piece does not seem to understand that the women with whom he works are there in the workplace because they have bills to pay, just as he does. They are not there to add colour and glamour to the place, nor are they there to be his playthings. They have a job to do, and incidentally so does he.

Grow up you moron! Leave the women in peace to do their jobs. What is wrong with you? I understand that you will want to look and admire, but respect the workplace for what it is.

This particular woman loved her job. It was her career and she was good at it. The harassment started innocently enough. She is adamant that she did nothing to encourage it because she was only too aware of the dangers of on-the-job romances. Whether she did or did not, anyway, she was already spoken for. But he was persistent.

The lady in question is overwhelmingly attractive, and I am sure that other men in the company thought highly and lustingly after her, but they kept their distance, as they should. Lothario, however, didn't know where to draw the line. This is were a very clear company policy about non-fraterization between employees would have helped.

When his persistence extended to unwelcome visits to her home she felt afraid for her safety. Eventually she approached the company to complain. Unfortunately her harasser was a key man in the company, although not her boss. The company took the easy way out and paid her a year's salary to leave while promising to talk to the offender about not re-offending in the future.

I think this particular man committed a crime and should be paying the penalty as we speak. Instead, it's his victim who is paying the price.

The biggest problem with workplace sexual harassment is that the most effective kind is that which is practised by those in authority and with power, the very people who should know better, and the very people who are supposed to protect the workforce.

Men! It is never a good idea to fish from the company wharf for love partners. Women, you make a grave mistake when you decide to enter into an intimate relationship with a male, or for that matter a female co-worker. It will end in tears and one of you will have to seek employment elsewhere. Of course you should both be penalised, but usually it's the woman who ends up getting screwed again.

If you know of someone who does this to the women at work, or, hopefully if you are a reformed harasser, I would love to hear from you. Should you be guilty of this behaviour I hope you will have the sense and sensibility to clean up your act. Otherwise, you imbecile, I hope that some woman sues your butt into the ground!

I can be contacted at eugene.spain@gmail.com

Copyright (c) 2007 - Eugene Carmichael