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Saturday, November 1, 2014

The BBC's 100 Women (and men) Conversation about World Sexism

The Double Standard

I was going to write this blog anyway, but since it is time for the BBC's annual world conversation between men and women about sexism, I contribute this to the discussion.

I have recently watched two television programes, each dealing with the double standard, and that got me thinking.

First, lets look at the fact that men are wired to sexually respond to the visual effect. Some men will say that they are breast men; others say that a well turned leg turns them on. I tend to be drawn to the whole image because I look for perfection. I have found myself totally attracted to a woman who ticks all the boxes for beauty and elegence. Then she lights up a cigarette and I simply erase her out of my mind. Whatever takes our fancy we lose our minds and go running after what looks good.

If we compare men to the animal kingdom we would be the male lions, simply spending our days and nights screwing and sleeping. That's the way we are and its not our fault. In some enlightened societies this is acknowledged by giving the male the right to have more than one wife. This is the honest approach instead of Western socities' practise of monogamy, with something extra on the side.

In reality, those arrangements where the man takes four, or more wives, no-one can be happy. The women go along with it because they get security and dignity in that he can afford to take care of them. Their alternative is to live with a poor man or sell their bodies. From the man's perspective all that he can see is sex with different women. It is true that sex is so much more interesting with different partners, but we are not simply talking about one night stands with strangers, we are talking about having four, or more actual wives, and they are all his.

For those of us who have one wife, I think we would all turn down the offer to increase the experience of living with one person times four. A wife is a whole person with hopes and dreams and expectations and disappointments that she needs to share with her husband. She also has complaints, and she wants to mold her husband into something that he is not.

If one man goes through all that on a revolving basis, he can't possibly feel that its worth it just for the sex. The sex would have to be something Uber good, and let's face it, sex is simply sex.

The thing that confuses all men is this:  those men who choose to commit themselves to one women, but then who think it is alright to have sex with other women, react so badly if their main squeeze decides while he is out screwing around she will have a little fun as well. I am 75 years of age, so obviously I'm not currently guilty of this, but in my past life I have been.

There was an incident when my world and hers clashed. When I took a breath and realised what she was doing while I was busying myself with pleasure elswhere, I nearly had a heart attack. The more my own behaviour confused me the more off the rails I fell. To this day I don't understand a man's reaction when he discovers that his woman has been having sex with another man.

This is no longer the dark ages when men felt that we had a right to own our woman. I know that in many cases the woman is expected to take the man's surname as a form of branding. Preachers still ask, "who giveth this woman to this man?" We know that women enjoy having sexual intercourse with us, because they make it obvious, or not, as the case may be. So, if a woman, any woman chooses to have sex with a man, it must be something she wants to do, including those women our hero has fun with while his wife is at home.

I'm not going to suggest behaviour for consenting adults. No-one will give me any attention anyhow. I simply say that as men, perhaps we need to develop savoir-faire, the know how to deal with these situations. It is not a pretty sight when we lose our minds, especially when we were the spoilers in the first place.

This is especially important because if your woman is trying to teach you a lesson you are definitately not going to like who she chooses to act out the scene with.

Copyright (c) 2014  Eugene Carmichael