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Sunday, December 28, 2008

Don’t Feel like Singing Christmas Carols




2008 has been a truly Crap year! Far too many people lost their money; their pensions; their jobs; their homes; their futures; their families; their hope; and their very lives. About the only encouraging thing that has happened in my view is that George W. Bush is getting ready to move from The White House, and America grew up to shed the old mandate that only a white male could lead as president.

Barak Obama is the president-elect. It could have been Hillary Clinton. If you’re a U.S. Democrat you will no doubt have hope that the incoming president will do a much better job than the outgoing one. But, he is but a person. He might make some mistakes that turn out to be costly, or he might prove to be the best thing since peanut butter and jam. We’ll just have to wait and see.

How could 2008 have gone so terribly wrong, and will it drag down 2009 as well? So far I am one of the lucky ones. I’m retired but not immune to economic troubles. I have a mortgage and a pension, and given that whole countries have been on the edge of bankruptcy, anything is possible.

This is the Christmas shopping season and we are seeing sales that would have followed Christmas day precede the event. I also have observed shoppers looking among the bargain discount stores for items and asking that they be gift-wrapped. Times are tough indeed. I was born during a time when consumers were subject to rationing and all manner of deprivation. For me, life from my earliest recollections has been one of rising expectations. Suddenly, I get to witness first-hand the effect of what happens when the sky falls.

There was the case in the United States of Enron, also known as the crooked E, and the effects from that upon shareholders and employees that were so diabolical as to defy description. The disgraced chairman did the only honourable thing and fell on his sword. That company’s experience was so horrible that we all walked around with our mouths wide open and bug-eyed. Before that there was the collapse of Baring Bros caused by the actions of one man, and more importantly the non-actions of a whole directorate. We thought that was awful. Then came the tightening of credit, followed by the credit squeeze, followed by the credit crunch and toxic assets. This time the entire world was caught up in the mess and it continues till today.

What the hell ca we expect from tomorrow? We watch a parade of companies and countries looking to be bailed out from the mess that highly paid and respected money managers have created. The former chairman of The Federal Reserve in the United States came forward to say it’s as though he knows nothing. Well, the fact is that nobody really knows anything. Management techniques that once worked have gone out the window. Worthless! It’s a new game now. We now know how the Communists must have felt upon realising that their experiment no longer works either

So, when my wife asked me to go carolling I declined. I am never in the mood to do that, but this year singing Christmas carols and wishing everyone to have a Merry Christmas seems so very hollow.

So, the best that I can do is to wish everyone good luck, and above all good health. The chips are falling where they may and life will produce some disappointments. Our challenge is to accept such disappointments with more grace.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael .

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Flying Iraqi Shoe Míssiles




President George W. Bush thought that it would be a good idea if he paid a surprise last visit to Iraq where he would appear in front of the world press, with representation from the Iraqi press being prominent. One of the Iraqi press group fired off first one, and then the other of his shoes at W’s head with unerring aim. George proved a good ducker, and then said that he wasn’t too upset. When people have the freedom to express themselves that freedom might take some forms that are hard to support.

I can’t say that most reasonable thinking people would feel that America’s unprovoked invasion of Iraqi territory was an outrage and a criminal act. I can’t say that the majority of people would see it as a great misuse of power. I can’t say that the great silent majority would condemn the loss of uncountable Iraqi deaths, and the loss of Americans, and even more are still in harm’s way. I can’t say those things because I haven’t taken any kind of scientific poll that would give me a sound knowledge that most reasonable people feel like that. However, I do have a couple of cousins who feel that W’s place within the list of American presidents is at the bottom.

Americans made much of what they said was his stupidity. They should have also added that he was dangerous. Whether you would want to apply adjectives to describe him or not, one thing we do know is this: He placed his nation at war with Iraq because he said that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, although no one could find them. Even if there were such weapons he was not threatening America with them. However, that was not enough to hold back W. He decided that he was going after Saddam to wipe that silly smile off his face. His father had led a coalition against Saddam to get him out of Kuwait, but the UN would not give the green light to go to Baghdad, so that murdering regime was not toppled and punished. Baby Bush seems to have decided he would show his dad how to get the business done. The rest is now history.

In the process of making this infamous history he was the cause of so much uninvited death and destruction it’s hard to see how any pride can come from those actions. The much sought after weapons of Mass Destruction have never been found, so a new reason was given: Saving the Iraqis from the terror of Saddam. Unfortunately, an unknown number were saved through killing them.

And that brings us back to W’s farewell appearance on Iraqi soil. Why did he make the trip and go before a group other than a safe American audience?

Was he thinking that he would receive statements of appreciation and applause?

I am not an American, just one of the masses of international observers. However, I think it interesting that there is a plan that on January 20th, at the moment that W hands over the presidency to President-elect Obama, throughout America, and probably around the world, people will go into their toilets and flush. Not a very distinguished way to end one’s two-terms in the highest office in America, and some say, the entire free world. What a shame that the good things that he has achieved will be over-shadowed.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Cold Hard Cash





I recently had the task of counting a lot of cold hard cash. As I carried on with this task I got to thinking about the name and how it arose. The more I passed various quantities through my hands the more convinced I became that that name is a good one for cash.

Whether I was counting one thousand euros or 100 million, the effect is the same: cold hard cash gives back nothing personal. It’s a sad fact that you might be the world’s richest person. If you keep your money in a room-sized vault in which you can retire to count your money, the exercise will leave you cold. Taking wads of large bills in hand is not at all the same as stroking your partner’s skin. You could possibly hug a person-sized stack of money, but it will not hug you back.

Now, I admit that I’m even thinking like this because I don’t have any money, but in these very difficult times I’m glad that I don’t. If you’re someone who does have a lot of money, you had a lot more six months ago. Since then you have had to worry about your disappearing assets.

Perhaps you were a conservative investor and placed the bulk of your holdings in one company, which would have been a dopey thing to have done on principle, but you might have done that if the company was Lehman Bros of Wall Street. This is a company that was 152 years old before it suddenly went bankrupt. You would have lost your entire holding in one fell swoop.

There have been and continues to be a world of stories of people once wealthy now destitute. The problem is that usually when the investment market goes bad that is the very time that you need to cash in those same holdings. Everything turns to crap at the same time.

A rich man is one who is happy in his home life. He has a good woman who gives of her love without restriction, and he lays with her in long intimate hours just enjoying her humanity. If they do have a room full of money then that’s all well and good. But it’s the personal part that really matters, and that’s why the richest man on earth is very often he who has nothing more than a good woman to keep his company. Unfortunately, money is it’s own evil, so I hope that every rich man made their money from when they were both poor as church mice.


Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, November 30, 2008

The End of the World continues






We lost our collective minds.

The week of November 24th to November 30th, 2008 has been an extraordinary one.

We turned on our television sets to the most violent channel, the news channels, and we could not believe our eyes. The People of Paradise were up in arms rioting in the streets and occupying the main airport and air traffic control tower. Thailand descended into mayhem and violence and insanity. The cause being that the people consider that their government is corrupt and untrustworthy, and they are demanding that the government step down so that free elections can be held again

The Prime Minister has declared that he won’t do that. Even though the commander of the army has suggested that perhaps he should in the interest of peace quit while he has his head, the Prime Minister is having none of it.

It was the people who put him in his position of power, and having done so they now realize that they made a mistake. So, they are seeking to undo that mistake and to try again. The Prime Minister can’t see it. He is determined to stay the course, but he and his entire government are in hiding, so that should be enough of a hint that he is facing a Mission Impossible. The unrest will evaporate with the resignation of the government. Any reasonable thinking person would think he would do so.

Wednesday arrived in Mumbai (Bombay) India, which I have always thought of as a bizarre culture, and as the day opened several young men arrived by boats with guns a blazing. Their only mission seems to have been to kill as many people as possible, especially foreigners, and not to stop until they themselves were killed. For a little more than three days the horror continued. They targeted the best hotels, particularly the Taj Mahal which is the symbol of safety in India, and systematically went room-to-room non-stop killing. They attacked the Jewish centre, and left behind four innocents dead, and they ran in the street and into restaurants shooting to kill anyone and everyone.

Meanwhile, over in Nigeria a sudden outburst of violence in the country left 300 people dead. The reasons behind that are not as yet clear, but perhaps its all just part of the worldwide madness, be it financial, social or religious, it makes me feel like crying out “The sky is falling, Chicken Little, The sky is falling!”

The thing that I will predict is that there are many more chapters coming, so expect more on this topic in the near future.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Retail Therapy




Women call shopping Retail Therapy and we men all smile as though it’s a woman thing, until we come to realise that we have not personally bought anything for too long and we have the urge to go out and spend. Oh Dear!

Life is complicated, while at the same time it is so simple. In every country around the world we are controlled by the same emotions and urges and instincts. We need sleep; we need to eat and drink and pass time in the W.C. We need company, both intimate and platonic, and we need things. We must shop!

I don’t pretend to know a thing about how shopping affects women, that’s just too complicated for a mere man to understand. However, for some reason shopping malls are getting bigger and more sexed up to the point that they are a destination within themselves. In America, where shopping is religion, entertainment, and an absolute necessity, the ultimate in shopping opportunity resides in The Mall of America, located in Minnesota.

Normally, shops are located within a town where we park and go walkabout. Mall of America have gone over the top with the idea, and effectively they have built a town that they call a Mall. Here are a few facts:
- It’s such a grand size that 32 Boeing 747’s could safely be parked within it.
- Seven full stadiums the size of Yankee Stadium could fit within its perimeters.
- Walking distance around each level: 57 miles. There are four levels.
- If a shopper were to visit each store and spend no more than ten minutes, it would take 86 hours to complete a visit to all 520 stores.
- There are more than 50 restaurants plus another 36 speciality food stores.
- There are hotels at Mall of America.
- There are big entertainment centres in the mall.

This sounds like a super-size city to me. However, it was built on the premise that people would continue to live way beyond their means, and on credit. Getting credit was no problem. Credit card offers arrived by the bag full with pre-approval. In order to pay off parts of card purchases people simply took another card or borrowed from the bank. Then one day, as any junior accountant could have foreseen, came the reckoning. People with enormous debts could no longer pay the piper and the whole house of cards came falling down.

We now have a worldwide crisis and new words to ponder, such as “toxic loans” and “credit crunch”. Suddenly, all over the world the sky is falling. Banks are folding one after the other and mega-companies are in trouble, companies so large that they cannot be allowed to go into liquidation because the loss of jobs and assets would be cataclysmic.

So, what comes next? People still have to have stuff, and they must still obey their natural instincts. But our very way of doing business is being called into question. The jobless rate is about the only thing on the rise. We have lived with two major experiments for many years. They are the capitalist and the communist systems. The communist system has failed, as more and more of the former communist states become capitalist in their thinking. However, now we seem to be seeing our way of life showing major cracks. Where is all this headed? No-one knows!

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, November 16, 2008

What’s Wrong with America’s Politics?



I have had ten days to take in the win of President-elect Obama and I am still getting used to the idea. Fundamentally the concept of a black man as the president of a country is no big deal. Even South Africa achieved that before America. No one has had to tell black Americans that they are worthy of the office, as are women, but the breakthrough came when a long held pre-condition for that office was broken, that being that you had to be white and male. The only other man who could have pulled that off and had even greater support was Colin Powell, but he didn’t want to put his family through all that the American people and press will put Obama through. As he said, he just didn’t have the fire in the belly for it. A great number of us interpreted that to mean that he was too smart.

But, Mr Obama is President-elect and is raring to take over and get well stuck in. The last time an American president engendered such hope was with President J.F. Kennedy. I think that with Mr. Obama the level of expectation is even higher, and that’s a lot to live up to.

So, what is wrong with American politics?

Firstly, the process is simply too dammed expensive. Between the two front-runners they raised and mostly spent a billion dollars, and the campaign went on for nearly two years. And then, there were all those others who ran hard and spent big.

Secondly, it is extremely divisive. Those important debates were not friendly and a lot of very negative things were said that resonated with voters. It is very difficult to get a straight answer from anyone in America. There are only Republican and Democratic answers. To get a straight and reasoned answer to the question “Don’t you think we’re having a lovely day?” would most likely bring the most puzzling responses.

After all the shouting and money spent, the country can still end up with a Bush. Many people seem to think that he was the bottom of the barrel, the absolute worst of all America’s presidents. Now I’m sure that he achieved many very positive things during his two terms in office. Other than having confidence in Colin Powell and Condeleeza Rice, I just can’t think of much else at the moment because the Iraqi war keeps getting in the way. I’m certain that was the biggest mistake that he made, and that was brought home by the fact that the stated purpose for going to war was weapons of mass destruction. When no such weapons could be found the reason was changed to getting rid of Saddam and his government to save the Iraqi people.

Well, the world is a better place just because that lot have gone, but America was not requested to do that bit of housekeeping. You simply do not send your people into harm’s way on a pretext.

The campaigning process goes on for far too long. Most free world countries take up to six weeks to campaign and to vote. This last election went on for about two years in America. By November 4th the world was so weary of it we just wanted it to be over.

The principal is usually in such danger that protecting the president and his family is an around the clock matter. As personable and charming as President-elect Obama is, he will never again be able to freely walk among the people and feel their warmth. That is because there are organizations now plotting on how to end it all as their hatred is so sick and warped that they are rabid and completely out of reason and control.

However, there’s no turning the clock back regardless of what happens. As the poet once said, there is no thing as powerful as an idea whose time has come. It was always a losing proposition that the occupant of the White House had to be male and white. By those conditions it was guaranteed that some of the past occupants would be ill-chosen for the job.

Ironically, the most prevalent criticism of Mr. Obama was that he was not experienced enough. Ask any black man or woman how many times in their lives have they heard that one as an excuse not to get the job. Half of the time you were not even allowed anywhere near the resources to big yourself up, so no surprise that you were lacking. The truth is that to hold the office of President of The United States, and, (as some will say) leader of the free world, no one has sufficient experience beforehand. This is a position that calls on judgement, and the mere fact that President-elect Obama could marshal a team to get himself elected is exactly the right qualifications of an administrator to manage the White House just fine.

I am expecting great things from Mr Obama, and I wish he, and his team all the very best. The first order of business is to fix America’s shattered image in the world. So far, so good!

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, November 9, 2008

"Free at Last! Free at Last!"






I am making a fairly safe assumption that everyone in the world knows that it was the late, and very great orator, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr who uttered those words as part of his historic ”I have a Dream” speech on the steps of the Washington Monument so very many years ago.

The point that he was making was that no one is free until we are all free. On November 4th, 2008 that dream came true as a black man was judged on the content of his character and not on the colour of his skin. On that day America finally grew up. Even South Africa attained that maturity ahead of America, and that must have surely given America a sense of being isolated. The Rev. Jesse Jackson spoke for us all as he could not contain his tears of joy, and neither could I. Frankly, it was too much to hope for. In my sixty-nine years I could not contemplate that it could ever happen in America, and I held my breath every step of the way.

It’s true that others have been pumped up sufficiently to make a run, but it always seemed like such a vain effort. I lived through all the troubles of America and took the slings and arrows of people who were so arrogant towards black people as to treat us as animals, as beasts of burden that we had to tell them that we are men and women, just like them in structure, but that we had a heart.

The arrogance of much of white America was such that the ultimate symbol of attainment and ambition is named The White House. Coincidence? I think not, but that all changed as President-elect Barack Hussein Obama prepares to take up his office in his 47th year, as the youngest ever person to do so, and as the 44th president of the United States of America, and as many will call him, the leader of the free world. He calls himself the skinny kid with the funny sounding name. His father is a black Kenyan and his mother a white American. Little did these two people, who are both deceased, know what their love would give the world.

President-elect Obama is no ordinary young man. In the words of the poet, “Cometh the moment, Cometh the Man.” He ran on a platform called “Time for Change” and simply by getting more than sixty-two million people to vote for him, compared to John McCain’s fifty-five million, he has given America and the world a quantum step forward in change. In the all-important electoral votes he garnered 349 to John McCain’s 162. That’s slightly more than a two to one majority. The American people spoke loudly and America moved forward.

This is no mere exercise in window dressing. People have such high expectations from his administration that there is bound to be some disappointment, but the one thing that is certain: Change in the way that Washington does business has arrived. The Democratic party have clear majorities in both the House of Representatives and The Senate so whatever they want to do should be possible.

Let me pause here to reiterate my fears: I am on record as having said that I didn’t really want the senator to win because it would place his life in mortal danger and that of his family. For me it would have been more than enough for him to have fought a good fight and then conceded the White House to John McCain. By having done so he would have proven the point that America is ready for a black president. His life has been in constant danger throughout the campaign, and I don’t want him to have to pay the ultimate price for uplifting an entire race and an entire country. However, I am more than certain that he knows the risks.

The other concern of mine is that he is inheriting a White House that is besieged with overwhelming problems, none of which are his fault or due to his judgement, but which he will be held accountable. By extension the entire Negro race that is now so elated by his success will also be held to account. There’s more than the usual weight to be carried by this young and very energetic man. Because he had to be so good to get to where he is, I think that I am justified in placing my confidence in his ability to succeed where no other person can.

So, Congratulations! President-elect Obama. I add my voice is wishing you a successful first four years so that you will be ready for the second half of your baptism by fire. As for America, it still has one or two things to do, such as electing its first woman president.

Copyright (c) 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Friday, October 31, 2008

Whose Fault is it Anyway?









Illegal drugs are the world’s problem! The things that have been done under the influence of hard drugs are, in some examples, unspeakable. There was one incidence in which a man took first one, and then the other of a woman’s two children and held them up as though they were chickens, and calmly fatally slit their throats in full view of the mother, and then he turned the knife on her. To make matters worse, she was someone else’s wife, although his lover. I wondered in light of that shocking event whether anyone still thought that taking drugs was a cool thing to do.

The police commissioner of every force in the world will tell you that he is conducting a war against illegal drugs, but that said, it’s about as successful as the war on terrorism. Perhaps it’s really one and the same.

Who is the drug dealer?

Well, he is the villain of the piece. He is the one who pushes drugs and is available with the goods, and he is the one who is roundly despised. The police operations are directed at him, and when a gang is broken up and the goods confiscated, much is made of it in the press. He is also shown as the person who is wealthy, paying in cash for incredibly expensive items when the rest of the world is suffering through a credit crunch. People are losing their jobs and their homes, but not the successful drug dealer.

The image that he puts out is very seductive to young men. The dealer has women, drugs, big homes, Hummers and other high value cars, and he has the respect of a lot of people. When you try to lure a young man away from that siren song into a normal job paying normal wages, he turns his lip up and scoffs at the “chump change” being offered.

The business is a tough one and the rules are strict. Mess up and you pay with your life, and you might also cause your near relatives to lose their lives. It’s a business that takes otherwise nice people and turns them into monsters. You cannot be nice or slack and survive because there’s always someone coming up behind you to take over your turf. You can only survive if you are prepared to show that you are determined, and that usually means putting people in the ground. Don’t have the heart for it, stay away from it!

The facts are that the drug dealer is a businessman, exactly like all others in a fundamental regard. He seeks to identify a market that needs and wants to buy a certain product, and he then sets out to provide the merchandise. His closest peers are the tobacco and alcohol industry. However, those industries are legal, but nonetheless they do promote a like product that alters the mind and body, and not always in a good manner.

My main beef is with the tobacco industry because they deliver a product that has a negative effect on the user, and those around him, when it is used in exactly the way as instructed. It is even worse than guns because although they are destined to kill, they do no harm if only used for target practise on tin cans. But tobacco certainly does nothing to improve one’s health, and the potential favourite user is a young person. It cannot be said that cigarette smoking does kill, but it can, and very often does lead to death. There was a time when cigarettes were given for free to college students. I hope that is no longer done, but I am straying from my point of whose fault is the out of control use of drugs and its consequences.

For some peculiar reason we do not look at the customer’s role in assessing blame. I wonder why that is? Politically it’s a hot potato because drug addicts still vote, (maybe) and such an issue as this would normally be the subject of the politician to address. Well, I’m not running for any office and I’m prepared to say it like it is. Should it ever happen that a drug dealer imports a quantity of drugs and no-one shows up to buy, he won’t do it again and he will find something else to sell, like Mary Kaye products, or Amway.

So, in summary I say that the people at fault for our problems are the users. I sincerely hope that none of those people are in the chorus demanding that the streets be cleaned up and the war be won because they cannot have it both ways.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Good Medical Operations










I have just had my first ever operation in an hospital. Oh no! I hear you say. Don’t bore me! Well, lend me an ear as I relate to you a delightful story of a good operation because you are only human and we just don’t know when your turn may come around.

The world is full of Good Operations and Bad Operations. Because there is more than one hospital it is inevitable that there will be various degrees of satisfaction flowing from necessary interventions for your health.

I live here in Valencia, Spain, and ever since we came to Spain we have been clients of the Sanitas system of private health insurance. It is not cheap, nor is it expensive if you get what you pay for.

There are options available to some people. For instance, should you be employed here you are automatically enrolled into the public health care program, and that continues for as long as you work, and for a while after your employment ceases. I came here as a retired person, therefore I was advised to purchase private insurance. My wife works, and her policy covers herself and our dependent son, but not myself. The two of them are double-covered by both public and private cover.

Recently, and for the first time, I have had to use my cover for something other than normal annual checkups, and the reason I’m boring you with this is because I can report that my experience was how it should be, with a liberal margin that went above and beyond.

My problem was a gradually growing bunion that was disfiguring my left foot, and it had progressed to the point at which it was becoming uncomfortable. My doctor advised that the time had come to rectify the situation, and so I got on with it. As an introduction to the operating room it seemed like a fairly gentle way to do it.

I should say that about twenty years ago I had the opportunity to observe this operation take place on live television and I thought it was fascinating and horrible. The tools employed were scalpel, saw, hammer, screwdriver, screws and file. Although the technique has improved those are still a part of the necessary equipment.

The Sanitas system in Spain is a private organisation that operates its own complete circuit of clinics and hospitals, complete with dedicated professionals. It is very clear to me that the administration has got it right when it comes to what is their number one priority. The patient is Number One! All too often systems are so preoccupied with their own concerns that they place the patient way down the list.

My operation took place at the hospital in Valencia called “ Hospital Nou (9th) de Octubre”. My instructions were to arrive at 8am for admission and preparation. My wife accompanied me, as it is expected that family will be in attendance in order to assist.

I was assigned to a private room that was more like an hotel accommodation, including the wording on the welcome cards left for me. Family visiting hours are 24 hours a day, and the room includes sleeping facilities for visitors.

I wasn’t taken into surgery until 1pm, so that involved quite a long wait during which my wife was free to come and go as she wished. I was finally wheeled downstairs and parked outside the operating arena and then I was taken in to be processed.

We must bear in mind that all business was being conducted in Spanish, and my skill is lacking. The senior surgeon realised this and kindly consented to converse with me in English. That was even more gratefully received than the anaesthetic.

They seemed to think that a bunion operation is all too routine, but as I was awake throughout I thought it very complex and difficult. The chief surgeon, who seemed to me to be about the age of my son, worked together with two others and the anaesthetist and a nurse. That seems like a lot of personnel to me, but for over an hour they did a lot of violence on my foot, including having to break my big toe in three places to straighten its direction.

My first moment of anxiety came when the surgeon said that he was going to introduce four needles into my foot in order to deaden the nerves. He then asked me whether I could feel anything and I said that I probably wouldn’t after he had done the injections. I was wearing a facemask at the time inhaling tranquillising gas. He said that the needles had been given and my foot should be nerve dead. I looked over at the anaesthetist and he smiled back at me. Lovely! He simply had turned up the gas to calm me and turned it down again to bring me back to full consciousness.

The procedure itself was very peculiar. As I was conscious I knew what they were doing through the feel of pressure. I knew when the surgeon cut my skin as I felt the pressure from the tip of the scalpel. I could tell when the bone mass was being reduced through both the sound of the saw and the feel of the pressure, and also I could feel when he was filing away unwanted edges. I really felt uncomfortable each of the three times they pressed down until the bones broke, which I could hear as a small “pop” sound. And, finally, I knew that they were affixing a small plate as they applied screws to the bones to keep it in place. I was perfectly aware of all that, but there was no pain.

What this essay is really about is competence and attitude. I am singing the praises about my experience because Sanitas got it completely right, from the moment I walked in to discuss the problem, through to my recovery. Every member of the team acted in a completely professional manner, and they even added their own personal pleasantries and wonderful bedside manner. Should you ever have to have medical attention you should be so lucky!

P.S. Had I known ahead of time that the doctors were going to break the bones in my big toe three time I may have gone to the movies instead.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The End of the World as we know it! (Part Three)

The Grim Reaper has arrived!




In parts One and Two I wrote of the seeming meltdown of the world order as oil prices soared, social order went to hell, and people were losing their homes. I predicted there was much more to come, but while I was right about that, I certainly wasn’t expecting what we got!

How does a company that has been in business for more than 150 years suddenly find that it cannot continue to trade. Didn’t they learn anything at all over all that time while in business? Suddenly we find that it was not just one or two companies that were in trouble but the entire banking system. Now governments all around the world have been forced into action to prop up the capitalist form of doing business. How did we come to this point?

The short answer is that it was because of the way we do things. Our capitalist system runs on credit. We are all expected to live beyond our means. Credit cards arrive in the mail urging us to step out from beyond our safe “living within our means” policy, and go borrow, borrow, borrow! We are urged that it is important to keep up with the Jones’ next door.

It is a shame to be the only family in the neighbourhood driving a ten-year old car. Still using the old big chunky television? Why, when you can bring home a flat screen for no money down and pennies per month. Are you actually renting the place in which you live? Don’t you know that home ownership is essential; otherwise you are throwing your money away.

Well, now the business world are coming to face what are being called toxic loans on their books. These are loans and mortgages that people were given, sometimes railroaded into, that they can no longer afford to pay. When interest rates were low they were sucked in, and subsequently rates have risen and Gotcha! Many young families are now being thrown out and their homes are taken over by the same kind bankers who drew them into the mess.

Children are being taken out of private schools to be put into the public system; people are losing their jobs, and in the first case of its kind (lately) in the United States, a man killed his entire family and himself because they were broke and losing their home.

Meanwhile, as an astonishing first time ever, capitalist governments are taking up equity positions in private enterprise in order that such businesses have money to continue to trade. Make no mistake about it, this is nationalisation, something that is so abhorrent to Western governments that they have to hold their noses while doing it.

In the case of one entire country, Iceland, it finds itself technically bankrupt. Imagine that, an entire country has gone broke. On the complete opposite end of the spectrum are the many 20 to 25 year old young women who are declaring bankruptcy because they have so overspent themselves on all the things that modern society insists that they do. How shameful is that?

This is clearly an-going story, so I shall be back with an update. Meanwhile, the question arises as to what can we do as individuals to protect ourselves? The problems are so large and so deep, covering so much territory that it is difficult to know which way to jump. Governments are taking strategic steps to guarantee your deposits in banks, so if that is your only concern perhaps you can relax. Certainly, without those guarantees even more banks will go to the wall as customers demand their money.

If you’re an investor on any of the stock markets you are certainly at very great risk as we see volatility being the order of the day. Mainly, it seems to be a case of hanging on and hoping that all those over-paid executives haven’t made too big a mess of things.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Media



It’s a very good thing that I’m my own editor, otherwise this piece would never see the light of day. That’s because it’s about the news media and all its faults. The one thing that both the electronic and print media do well is report on the mis-steps and bad fortune of the public at large, but when it comes to having their own sores exposed they are very shy.

You can take your pick of the world’s media, they all pretty much march to the same drummer. The ironic thing is that they can only do so because of the support that we, the very people whom they so love to destroy, give them. What’s wrong with this picture?

In trying to start my rant I am finding it very hard to know where to begin. Which country has the worst press? I used to think that it was England with their News of the World, and the other tabloid papers. But America’s no better! It’s about what sells.

Now, of course, when I was a young lad I was discouraged from telling tales out of school. It was not a very noble thing to come into contact with interesting information, only to go as quickly as possible to pass it on. Well, that is exactly what the media do, and they all too often succumb to the temptation to place their own opinion or bias upon the news item.

You have seen the news interviewers yourself interrupt their guests, who they have asked to come on to share their views, only to shape the interview to satisfy the host’s own point of view. They seem to think that this is about being a professional. The fact is that they are like little boys and girls having tantrums because their opinion is the only one that matters, or so they think.

In the United States, Bernard Goldberg, a long-term news correspondent at CBS wrote a book after he retired called “Bias” an insider’s view of delivering the news with a liberal slant. He was condemned and ostracised because the media can’t even admit that it has an opinion about the news.

This is my point about news reportage: it’s all about someone’s point of view. Yes, I know that they control the printing presses and that they can say whatever they want. However, there’s something called the Media Trust. I can’t even begin to imagine what real work this group does as it sure does nothing about controlling the quality in reporting.

The late Princess Diana is a superb example of the hound dog mentality of the press corp. On one occasion she had been visiting a female friend’s home, only to emerge to face a battery of cameras. They actually chased her down the street to her car, but before she got there she came to a stop alongside a wall as she cowered from the continuing flashes. I thought as I watched that clip that those bastards will chase her to her death.

Perhaps you’re an editor of a small town newspaper where nothing newsworthy ever happens. This is called punishment and is the place where disgraced editors get sent. One of the tricks of the trade is to focus on a few members of the community in good standing and to build them up in stature, while at the same time looking for a mis-step that can be blown up and scandalized. If they request your opinion on something you can be sure they will go and find a contrary point of view. Beware of friendly news people! I have even seen capable and honest news brokers respond to the directives from “upstairs” to get tough.

Even the weather can be an ally. During this past Summer the area of Southern United States took several hits from hurricanes. Poor Haiti took one hit after another, but that was not where the major channels amassed their people. As residents were ordered to leave New Orleans the press came crowding in, because that was where the story was supposed to be given New Orleans history. When the storms changed direction they left to head for the next projected hotspot to be able to report on the expected death and destruction left by nature’s wrath.

I watched as the Force Five hurricanes were downgraded to a One, and the feeble efforts of the presenters to justify their presence. How absolutely pathetic and loathsome is that? They feed on bad news. They want images of people crying who have lost everything. The more dramatic, the better for the cameras! As viewers, we know only too well that people lose their homes and possessions and they cry. Please, give these people the only thing they have left, some privacy.

I would not be fair and balanced without presenting the other side of the media. They expose the crooks and bad politicians; they open up shady dealings to public scrutiny and hold governments accountable. In this regard they do a job that is actually beneficial to the public. I guess all that other stuff can be called entertainment for as one paper said, “Inquiring minds want to know.”

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Secrets II



As a member of a secret group, is there a feeling of being special just because it’s secret?

Let me be clear: What I’m talking about might be different to privacy, although I believe that generally it’s thought that the two are one and the same. I think that the right to privacy in our lives is an inalienable right; but secrecy is quite another thing.

Very public people who are professionals are still entitled to a private life. Simply put, as human beings we are not designed to always and forever be on show. We need down-time to be able to relax. The mobile phone is one of the most invasive objects to have been invented in the past 100 years. It invades our privacy in all manner of times and places, and more surprisingly it’s amazing the things we interrupt to answer.

In my last blog I talked about the weight, responsibility and honour of keeping the secret that we promised we would. Not everybody is automatically able to do this. For some people it requires deliberate practice to learn how to keep quiet when you long to blurt it out.

WikiHow, the on-line advisor at www.wikihow.com/Keep-a-secret, suggests the following things to help you keep mum about important information: (Words in italics are my own.)
1. Keep your motivator in mind. If you let the information out how damaging will it be?
2. How long do you need to keep the information to yourself. There is nothing worse than struggling to keep the information, only to find that it has passed into the general population.
3. Force yourself not to tell. This is about having the discipline to keep your mouth shut. As discipline goes, this form is quite extreme as the inclination to tell is one of our basic human characteristics.
4. Never drop any hints that you have secret information: Should you do so it will only be a matter of time before you let it out.
5. Avoid the 20 questions if someone thinks that you have something. News reporters do this all the time. They assume that you know something and they attack your soft spot. Don’t fall for it.
6. Don’t even bring up the topic within which is hidden the secret. That’s too easy for the inquisitive. Once the topic is on the table the forbidden information is a mis-spoken word away.
7. Defensiveness is good. If your questioner has figured out that you have the information there’s nothing wrong with being defensive about it. It’s OK to say I’m not going to talk about it.
8. Lie, if necessary. This would be an extreme thing to do, but if the information is so important, that would be better than releasing it. Politicians do it all the time.
9. Tell it to a stuffed animal. If you are breaking at the seams and you just have to tell it, do so to a stuffed animal. Preferably not one that has an eves- dropping microphone.
10. You can also just say the secret to yourself. Sometimes, just saying it is all that is needed to make it manageable.
11. Change the topic. If the topic comes up in a conversation and you hold secret information about it, as suavely as you can, try changing the subject. This works, as I have done this very thing.
12. Pretend you don’t know any secrets. This works well by simply refusing to confirm or deny that you know anything at all.
13. Never pass secret information to unreliable people. Stay a thousand miles away.
14. If your motivator is that the information is simply embarrassing, perhaps by some simple editing it can be made more acceptable.
15. Can you share the secret with one other trusted person? This is a dangerous suggestion for once the information passes to a third person it can no longer be assumed a true secret. However, there are whole groups who share confidential information so it just depends on the culture within which you operate.

“The Way to Truth” blog states that “Guarding a secret is the same as guarding one’s chastity. Those who keep a secret, whether personal or a friend’s. keep themselves chaste. Conversely, those who spread secrets damage their honour and reputation by leaving them unguarded.”

The business of secret keeping is indeed serious. However, sadly it is perhaps one of the most understated.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Secrets!


“Information that is kept, or meant to be kept private (by one, or a few individuals)”.

Recently a friend brought the matter of secrets to my attention, and that got me to thinking about the whole subject of what are secrets, and how should they be treated. Why is it that news reporters try hard to get their hands on your secrets so as to report them on the front pages or the evening news? If secrets are not important, why does everybody perk up at the sound of the word?

Let me warn you that should you ever wish to research this subject you will find it’s like jelly. You place your thumb on a part and the rest swishes away. The one thing that we can start with are the types of secrets. Military, industrial, commercial, artistic, religious, sporting; and the type that I’m going to deal with are personal secrets. For me, this is the most troublesome.

At one time I was engaged in a public study of a very sensitive nature. I conducted my research on a person-to-person basis in confidence. On one occasion I met with a group. My job was to collate the information and develop a report to my superiors. To my horror, one of the women with whom I met told her mother about our meeting, and her mother challenged me, saying that due to our personal friendship I should have told her about it. I refused to confirm or deny that I had even met with her daughter.

Keeping secrets is a very difficult thing to do, and when a friend approaches you with the question “Can you keep a secret?” you really do need to consider what is being asked of you in its fullest degree. Taking on privileged information from a friend that you are not supposed to divulge to anyone, for that is what a secret is, can be a very worrisome thing. Once you have the information it is human nature to want to share it with someone. If you are not able to share it you will begin to feel the weight of it.

The probable reason why you were asked to accept the information is that the other person was feeling the need for relief and to pass it along. It had become too much to hold in. When you pass information like this, having said you wouldn’t, that goes straight to your integrity and your honour.

There are professional people who take on their client’s secrets, and some are charged with holding those secrets lawfully. How do they cope? How does the priest protect the secrets from the confessional, and his own sanity? The psychologist takes on nothing but privileged information every day. He, or she cannot simply get drunk to forget.

Who decides on the status of information as to whether it should be held in confidence or not? If your friend says that they are sharing confidential information with you, should it be treated as such, or can you challenge it as non-confidential? Are there certain kinds of information that are commonly considered to be secret by their very nature? I’m thinking that medical data about a patient would be such, as would be financial information.

I personally think that the type of information that flows from personal relationships also fall under that heading. The Way to Truth states that “ Hearts are created as safes for keeping secrets. Intelligence is their lock; will-power is their key. No one can break into the safe and steal its valuables if the lock and key are not faulty.”

Having said that, these days we are seeing people going on television to lay all their washing out for the public to see. Famous personalities wake up to the shock awareness that a book has been written about them by a former lover. Publicity hungry people, who do not have a real life, will jump at the chance to bare all to the public, and the worse their story is, the telling of it seems to be all the more important.

Men and women generally tend to think that we are better than all of the other animals on the earth, but the fact is that it is our integrity and honour that separates us from the animal kingdom. If we have neither we have nothing to promote ourselves above the so-called dumb creatures.

I will have to return to this subject next week, but for the time being I want to suggest two things: (a) If you are the person who wishes to pass a secret, ask yourself why do you need to do this before just pressing it on to your friend. (b) If you are the person being approached with a request to accept privileged information, ask why is it important for you to have it.

The bottom line is that should you keep things that are clearly private, and are meant to be kept that way, to yourself, you will earn your place among high society. Do otherwise and you earn a place in the mud.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Clearing Out!



What is there about having a good old fashioned clear-out of garbage from the garage that feels so good? The answer to that probably lies somewhere in the fact that we do it so rarely, and it requires a certain recklessness to accomplish.

When I pulled up stakes in Bermuda nine years ago to move to Spain I went through an experience that no one should be subject to. Firstly, you should know that I am a squirrel – I tuck things away. I normally throw away nothing much. If it’s save-able then it goes into the garage. Why? Because, it’s my life. I sometimes sit down and wonder what will I leave to tell the story of what I have been in this world. How will I be judged, and by what residue? I think these are important questions that deserve serious answers.

So, with that in mind, imagine how I must have felt to do a complete turnaround and go in and viciously throw out things that I put away for a day of need. Those days actually do arise, and when they do I feel so vindicated that I saved some idiotic thing that I could buy at any ordinary store. Never mind that it took up space, and collected dust for five years or more.

The experience in Bermuda was really quite shocking. After having weekend cash & carry sales from my house for several weekends, I started getting restless and began making runs to the garbage drop-off point. The guard there suggested that I should have garage sales as I was showing up with so much.

I developed a system in the end of not opening anything I had not looked into for at least five years. I simply tossed the box into the fires. It seems to have worked, as I have not moaned about the loss of anything significant in nine years. However, I have to tell you that it takes a lot of nerve, as heaven knows what was in those boxes.

The trick seems to be not to let things pile up like that. How do we not put things away in boxes that we won’t look at for the next five years? What is the system that can be employed to stop us from having to go through, (choose one), the angst or excitement of throwing things away?

It was such a dusty job of pulling out stuff and piling it into my old Fiat station wagon, and when that could carry no more, driving it all to the trash drop-off. If I had some other way of getting home I might have even left the car there, as it really is ready for the scrap yard.

I realize that we usually reserve these exercises for the Spring, but just because it’s Fall is no reason not to take action when the spirit moves us, so I did and got it done. Now, I feel good, my garage looks bigger and more lightsome, and my wife is worried.

Stay tuned for Clearing Out II, due to appear in 2013.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Love Lost





“T’is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” (Alfred Lord Tennyson.)

This famous quotation just about says it all, but nevertheless, there will no doubt be a great number of people who would like to throw a rock at the author. When the passionate relationship comes to an end, and the tears come and the pain sets in, trying to be philosophical about things comes very hard.

Why is it that when you have something so good it has to end? Why are you not allowed to hold on to it to the end of time? In real life, all manner of things can interfere so that the perfect thing plays itself out to a natural end. And then you hit the wall and just lay there as a cripple.

Why do we do these things to ourselves? I don’t believe its because we actually like the feeling of pain. No, that can’t possibly be the answer. No one will actually want to be brought down hard and pinned to the ground all alone.

So, we turn to the Internet to see if there’s anyone else going through the same thing, and we find to our utter amazement that there’s a whole industry dedicated to breaking up. There’s Relationship Blues, and Adjustment and or Conformity; there are poems and other inspirational topics, and a whole lot more

Well now, you need not feel quite so alone when it seems as though the sky has fallen. Now you can join the crowd and get yourself on the road to recovery. I suggest that for a start you go to http://www.wikihow.com/ dealing with the subject of breaking up. It’s the best offering that I’ve found that provides a whole list of things you might be interested in.

They suggest that it will be helpful to consider what happened in detail. Accept your own pain so that you avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Remember, it’s never just one person’s fault. Life happens, and you’re a part of it.

Once you’ve made the decision you should most probably stick to it. Your reasons are probably well grounded and will re-occur in the future if you can’t find the strength now.

Keep a respectable distance to let your ex find his or her own feet. Breaking up is nasty business and a real major pressure regarding stress. Give yourselves a chance. Time will help you sort through things, even correcting any mistakes.

Is there hate involved? Could be, as it takes something significant to tear you apart. If there is, deal with it calmly, maturely, and with honesty. Time will also help you get over whatever is bothering you.

Friends, if you have any were made for times like these. Network like never before. Talk to them, do things with them, get busy. Let them help to take your mind off the pressure.
Lastly, don’t forget to pursue other happiness, and that includes moving along with your life. Need to forget someone? Take up with someone else and concentrate. However, don’t fall for the re-bound thing. If you fall into love with a next person, be sure that you are really feeling it and are not just covering up the pain.

Again, that Internet address is http://www.wikihow.com/ regarding breaking up. And one other thing: Good Luck!

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, September 7, 2008

When Winter met Summer

Lady
Chester


Summer








Winter



All dogs depicted are actors

A Shaggy Dog Story

This is a dog love story, just to prove to those of you who are sceptical that animals have the power of true love and caring.

Winter is our big Golden Retriever. He is about eight years old, a real shaggy dog, and overweight, just as I am. He is a Spanish animal who joined our family about seven years ago. When I first encountered him he had been brought into an apartment by his owner, and the first thing he did was piss on the floor. The apartment was located on the beach, so among a lot of screaming about that disgusting dog he was taken outside and onto the beach where he promptly shat in the sand.

My impression was that this was one of the world’s most objectionable animals, and if he were mine I would shoot him. Six months later he was introduced into our family to avoid him being taken to the dog pound. We had another dog that we brought with us from Bermuda. I chose him from the local SPCA as he was the most dangerous looking one there. I wasn’t looking for a pet. I was looking for a killer. My wife had arrived home at the same time that someone was in the process of breaking into our home. My previous dog, a cross between a German Shepherd and a Collie, who I named Lady, had passed away at the age of seventeen. I needed a sentry with a license to kill to replace her.

Chester was his name, and when he took one look at Winter he wanted to tear his face off. Finally, after a lot of encouragement from the top dog, that’s me, the two of them settled and became the best of friends. But Chester had a freedom jones, he just had to roam. Give him half a chance and he would be gone, taking Winter with him. They once went walk-about for seven weeks.

At age fourteen Chester went off to doggy heaven, leaving Winter on his own. Chester had dominated Winter to such an extent that he didn’t even know if it was alright to eat. He grieved for the loss of his friend and I had to pay him extra special attention through daily walks and grooming to help him through his depression.

Then one day this skinny bitch just showed up. She was wearing a collar so she was cultured but very skittish. She made her appearance at the same time that Summer began, so it was a natural that she would be named Summer to us. Winter still had all his equipment but he was very confused about what he was supposed to do with it. Chester had been fixed so Winter thought he was a girl dog and tried it on. It was funny to watch that action. Chester sure put him right in a hurry, and since then Winter just seemed to forget about his kit.

Summer is a small dog, very skinny and as homey looking as they come. But, she was full of life and obviously very taken with our big bear of a friend. They had silent conversations and lots of smooching as she was always in his face. She would go outside the open gate and encourage him to follow. Evidently it was while they were away that Winter got his mojo working because it was not too long before she started putting on weight.
Then came a time when she went missing for a couple of days during which she gave birth to her litter. She then showed up again, all bouncy, happy and skinny again. She was all over the big guy and he was quite apparently delighted to see her. Eventually she persuaded him to come see his kids. Off they went, the happy parents to spend some quality time with the family. This scene has been repeated several times. Naturally we were curious and wanted to see what our big boy had helped to produce. However, she was having none of that. She never did lead us to the litter. In fact, clearly she belongs to a family, but I haven’t been able to trace her to her home.

Now, when I take him for a walk his entourage consists of me, Summer, and our cat Murphy. The cat makes a game of it by running on up ahead and hiding in the tall grass, only to jump Summer, who is hardly much bigger than a large cat herself. Summer is so nervous that she falls for the joke every time.

Lovely! Just lovely!

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Communicating-Part Six



Handling Information


Between partners the first rule of thumb should be “Give and Take.” It is also the first rule to be broken if we take our own positions too strongly. When that happens we get into the principle of the thing, forgetting that principles come at a very high price. The tricky balance is to give in on the issue when the balance shifts even slightly against the position that you hold.

Having once learned and mastered the art of active listening you will become a very popular person, as people will want to bring their problems to you. What do you do with all the information that you acquire? It seems to me that the absolute essential is that you maintain the information entrusted to you in complete confidence. It must not be shared with anyone as once it passes to another it is out of your control.

Men have the greatest problems with what to do with the information they receive from their female partners. We feel compelled to offer our suggestions to resolve the problems, but our ladies often only want our empathy. We are not allowed to do anything else while receiving this information. We have to put aside the newspaper, turn off the tv or the stereo and pay attention to what is being said. We can make encouraging remarks, and best of all we can offer our partners hugs, but solutions are the province of our mate. She can figure out what needs to be done even more effectively than we can.

The topic of appropriate handling of confidential information fills many volumes. It is surprising how many institutions fail in their duty to protect confidential information entrusted to them. I recall several years ago boxes of banking records were found on an open trash dump. To embarrass the culprits an advert was placed in a local paper listing the names of the people affected who were invited to call in at an office to collect their personal information. To say that someone’s head rolled for that is an understatement.

Data protection is a serious business and in most countries is covered by legislation. It is a well-known fact that information between doctors and patients; lawyers and clients; and certain other professionals is absolutely protected. In other situations, private information is considered so important that people will go to prison to protect their sources.

Where there is an absence of law there will be ethical considerations. Information shared with you in confidence should not be passed to a third person under any circumstances. Unfortunately, all too often such confidential information makes its way in the form of gossip. No matter how natural a thing it is for humans to do, gossiping is one of the worst forms of communications, and it is engaged in equally by men and women.

Curiously, if you decide that you don’t want to further a particular thread and you try to track the particular bit of gossip back to its source, someone will stonewall you. The need to protect their source of the information becomes paramount. However, if people will talk about others behind their backs to you, they will also happily talk about you to others. Stop Gossip Now!

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Communicating-Part Five -Listening




We are born with two ears but only one mouth. Coincidence?

Just how important are listening skills to effective communicating? There are some who maintain that effective listening requires the larger share of listening and talking. All too often we open our mouths to speak to our companion in spite of the fact that we really did not hear what was just said to us. We are so busy in formulating our own thoughts that the other person’s speech is drowned out. In such cases we are talking at one another instead of with each other.

The main problem is that men and women speak in separate dialects, as someone put it. In fact, I have heard the word genderlect to describe how wide the divide between the genders really is. That being the case the ability to actively listen is critical to understanding what the other person is saying. Think of the popular image of having a session with a psychologist where you lie on a couch while the professional sits behind you. As you talk he, or she repeats what you say and asks you how you feel, rather than imposing their own opinion.

I know people who are really good at the active listening thing. Usually they are very calm and they get you to do most of the talking. To be honest I find them to be a little bit irritating, but the fact is that often I realise that they are helpful.

Those people who are the most helpful seem to have the following attributes in common:

They actually look at me when I am speaking, and they make eye contact with me. This is a little disconcerting because it makes me realise that here is a person who is interested enough to hear my every word, so therefore I should not be wasting his time with nonsense.
They will actually allow me to complete my thought process. Sometimes I have trouble in completing my sentence and they help me find the words. This is the complete opposite of those annoying television or radio hosts who seem to invite guests on their programmes just so that the host gets to inflict his own opinions, often cutting off in mid-sentence the words of the guest. I just hate that when it happens, and it is a sure way to get me to switch off. I want to yell at the tv “you idiot, let your guest finish. I didn’t tune in for your opinion.”
The other thing that I like is their choice of words as I am speaking. It’s not something that I have thought much about until now, but techniques like repeating a sentence or a thought to be sure I have been understood is reassuring, as is to say things like “Really! Tell me more.”
There is nothing more deflating than to be talking to a person who is receiving you like a stone wall. That’s called talking to yourself. However, if the person to whom you are speaking has the time and the interest to care and displays this in his body language, such as through your facial reactions, you will be encouraged, and I believe, the responsibility grows to keep your presentation and your thoughts brief and interesting. When I am trying to be a good listener I find that when the speaker has finished his thread I often have a feeling of being tired.
Finally, we are bombarded daily with information overload, and to cope we need to learn to block out the unnecessary. Unfortunately, a lot of information that we should let through also gets blocked as the screening process is difficult. Just as with our computers we receive a lot of spam, so do our ears and eyes. Driving is made all that more difficult because people think they can sell us things by using billboards, as though we don’t have enough to read with all the traffic signs.

Being a good listener is definitely an acquired skill, one which is very much appreciated. The other half of being a good listener, of course, is what do you do with all that information you have just taken on board. This is where most people come off the railings.

Next week I will look at how you might best be helpful in your feedback.


Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

I

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Communicating - Part Four








Men and Women



InterFaith, InterCultural, InterRacial




Communication-wise, as good as it potentially gets between men and women goes something like this: Future partners grow up in the same neighbourhood, go to the same schools, share the same faith, are of the same ethnic group, and even share the same political beliefs. However, even within these groupings the divorce rate is significant. That is because, as Dr. John Gray says, men and women quite naturally come from different planets, or so it seems.

That being the case it will be seen that as we move away from the ideal benchmark things become more complicated the farther afield we go.

So, you’re an American man and you have fallen hopelessly in love with the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen who comes from India. What do you know about the Caste system that she has grown up in?

What if you’re an English woman and you’ve met the most charming man from Afghanistan and you’ve fallen head over heels for him. What of his cultural and religious beliefs? Have you any knowledge of the complicated and deeply held customs that form the society that is Afghanistan?

Even countries that are neighbours have important different attitudes about life. America and Canada, or England and Wales, or Scotland are as close as it gets but there are enough differences to cause great difficulties between mixed couples who are trying to live intimate lives. Just as men and women are supposed to be different, so are people from separate countries. That is the challenge that the human race are set. The objective is to succeed in spite of the difficulties.

The completely peculiar thing is that when we enter into relations that will complicate our lives beyond measure we do so without giving it much thought. Love is a comedian. It just pulls down the curtain on all logic and before we know it we are faced with an immense task of surmounting all obstacles to reach a state of contentment, also known as happiness.

A relationship between the girl or boy next door is usually without the basic elements that exist as standard when crossing cultural and other barriers, such as fear of the unknown and uncertainty, misunderstanding, sense of loss and confusion, ignorance of the other culture and the minefield of disasters that imposes. On the plus side a relationship where both partners have a lot to learn about each other is one less likely to end due to boredom, but there will be a lot of work involved.

If love were not so unpredictable and if cupid didn’t have such a sense of humour we could be scientific when going about our quest to find a mate who was a bit different. For instance, almost all countries have at one time or another been colonised. If those in the mother country so wanted they could make their choice from among the colonies, or vice versa. At least the culture of the mother country would be shared leaving only the indigenous culture to be understood and integrated.

I have read testimonies from couples who are living very complex lives that involve interfaith, or intercultural, or interracial elements, or all three, and they sometimes even stand on opposite sides of the political divide. They swear that they cope, and that they don’t see their lives any more challenging than any one else’s, but I do wonder about the long-term accuracy of that statement. One person is bound to be the stronger personality of the two, and that is the culture that will be dominant.

Having said all that, I personally celebrate diversity, tolerance, understanding and the pursuit of knowledge, and I encourage those who simply follow their hearts wherever it may lead. The Master Architect designed the world in which we live with built-in obstacles to maintain our interest. For some they will rise above and go on to the ultimate level. Others will find their own levels and there they will be happy.

For that is the way it has been preordained, and you don’t have to be religious to believe.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Communicating- Part Three


Between Men & Women


Why do men insist on reading while sitting on the WC?
Because that’s the only place we get the peace and quiet to read to our heart’s content. Some men aren’t even subtle. They have installed a magazine rack in the bathroom. Were it not for reading in the toilet, perhaps we wouldn’t read at all.

Now, having dealt with that great mystery, we move on to look closely at the great divide between how men and women see things so differently.

Fundamentally, men do not do subtle. Ladies, if you want us to know something, just tell us straight out. If you want us to do something, tell us plain and simple. Please don’t hint. If we are driving and you want to stop for coffee, just say so. If you ask me whether I want one I just might say no and keep on driving.

Men are creatures designed to cut to the chase. We understand solutions, but we don’t particularly understand feelings about things. We have enough of a problem understanding this thing called love. About the worst trap you can place us in is the question about how you look in a dress. Most men get that one wrong, and that is usually just as you’re about to go out for the evening.

So! Men, here’s how to handle such questions. You might want to jot this lifesaver down for future use. No matter how she puts the question the answer is : Honey, that dress looks really good on you.” Not, and I repeat NOT: “ Honey, you look good in that dress.” One thing says that she makes the dress look good; the other says that the dress makes her look good. See the difference?

That comes directly from the wisdom of my lady, and she knows semantics. Trust her!

The essential difference between men and women seems to be that men give and want information, and women give and want feelings. One of the worst case scenarios happens in the bedroom. He wants to know whether they are going to get an action going, and she says maybe. Well, we don’t do maybe. We have no idea what to do with maybe.

One of my golden rules is that I never argue with a lady. The man has not been born yet who actually won an argument with a lady. One of their techniques is to bring up things that we have no chance of remembering. Anyway, the two of you will be speaking in different tongues and possibly very heatedly and emotionally, so, advantage goes to the ladies. Even if you do manage to pin her down and back her into a corner where she runs out of firepower she will always have one piece of backup ammunition in reserve, and it is this: She can always say, “Well, whatever!” In women speak, that means, “ Mister, you’re dead meat. Don’t ever speak to me again.” So, you see, you can’t win. It’s preordained that way.

I’m not saying that you can’t put your point of view forward, just don’t rely on convincing her that you’re right, especially if you’re wrong. It will be quite enough to state your case and then leave it with her.

There are some situations that leave a man completely dazed A friend’s wife had been through difficult surgery and was worried about possible scarring. He urged her not to worry as she had the option of plastic surgery. She suddenly turned on him angrily saying it was too bad that he would be upset by the way she looked. He was only trying to be helpful but somehow she saw his response in a very different light. How on earth do we cope with that?

Dr. John Gray, writing in “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” deals with one of the most obvious, and perhaps most vexing problems in inter- gender relations. When she sees his mood darken she will ask, “What’s the matter?” He will invariably answer, “Nothing!” Clearly there is something quite wrong, and she wants to be a help. But he gives her a response that makes her feel stupid and insulted, and so the problem escalates.

The way that Dr. Gray puts it is that we men take our problems into our caves to deal with them alone. When we respond that nothing is wrong, what we are saying in fact is that there is nothing that I wish your help with. I have personally struggled with this, in that it even sounds dopey to me as I say there’s nothing wrong. After all, I know that there’s plenty wrong

Unfortunately it’s not as simple as explaining that I would like to have some space and time to think things through.. Most women will be convinced that they can genuinely help and are likely to press you to open up. His reaction will be “Go away!” So, my advice is to leave him with it until he is ready to talk about it, and he will. Just give him time to think things through. If you’re the source of his problem he needs time to think how best to raise the issue with you.

I will continue with this thread in my next instalment.


Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Communicating-Part Two






Communications
Part Two
Men and Women

The Great Architect seems to have deliberately designed the world to include the different languages as a challenge for humans. It’s simply a geographical accident of birth that will determine the language that you speak as your native tongue.

With that beginning a child is surrounded by his tribe, and he will know his tribe anywhere in the world just by the words spoken. If no-one bothered to learn another language we would be stuck in our tribal lands forever.

Perhaps one of the most ambitious projects to try and overcome the language barrier is the European Airbus. As an experiment in communicating it’s about as bold as it gets. The object was to build an airplane that would actually fly safely as a cooperative endeavour between several nations. Primarily it involved an agreement between Germany, France, Britain, and Spain. It employed 57,000 people working over 16 sites, and ultimately extended participation to the U.S, Holland, Japan and China.

France made the cockpit, flight control and lower middle section of the fuselage.
Britain made the wings and provided the Rolls Royce engines.
Germany made the forward and rear fuselage, and the upper centre fuselage.
Holland made the flaps and spoilers.
Spain made the horizontal tail plane.

Even if there was one common language, say French or English, given that so many people would not be totally proficient because it was not their mother tongue, there would be a lot of room for misunderstanding. In spite of that the airplane does fly and is rated safe. I consider that to be an absolutely amazing success story.

So, in the light of such an outstanding achievement why then do men and women have so much trouble in understanding one another. The popular book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” points out the very large divide between the two sexes. Most men will likely have had the experience of explaining our thinking on some subject to the women in our lives, only to have had it replayed back to us as something completely different. Supposedly we are speaking the same language, but somehow what comes from our mouths is not what enters the female ear.

Not that this is a one-way problem. Men suffer from the very same thing with the added complication that we’re supposed to only listen and not insert our own annoying solutions. Nor can we read the newspaper or watch tv while listening.

The standard joke goes something like this:

She: Darling, did you realise that today marks the six-month anniversary of our relationship?
He: Really! Six months already!
He thinks: Time for me to take the car in for its six month’s service. He then trains his thoughts on what has to be done for the car, while she is thinking romantic thoughts about the past six months, and the future.

Problem is, this is no joke. The divide between the genders is so wide it’s just an everyday miracle that we are able to achieve anything at all. Supposedly we want the same things from life. Love, security, family, respect, comfort, prestige, friends, community, money. Acquiring those things is where the problems are to be found. As someone said, the devil is in the details.

Most men probably find themselves in hot water with their women through quite inadvertent actions. We don’t deliberately set out to annoy our women, unless we enjoy that sort of thing, in which case we should run, not walk to have our heads examined. We try to please our women and to ensure peace in the family, but no matter how hard we try we are committed to get it wrong.

I once heard a woman friend describe her man as being perfect. I should have had her explain in detail what that meant.

In the next instalment I shall present some classic misunderstandings between the genders.



Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael