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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Women who Hit! How Crazy is That?



Let not the woman be the one to draw first blood! She can then be said to be the author of her own misfortune. (EwC)

I once tried to have a conversation with an administrator of a woman’s refuge group. I prefaced my remarks with the statement that I wanted to help because I have sisters and daughters, and I wouldn’t like it one bit if they were the victims of abuse.

I said that the fact that the woman’s group were tarring every man with the same brush made it difficult for me to come forward to try to be of assistance. Her response was to vent on me her vitriol and personal bias.

I was trying to say that by placing men in the position of always being the villains of the piece, devious women would take advantage of that. Life is never so simple where we can say that always one gender will be the victim, and the other the aggressor. Administrator of women's groups should know that, and if they don't they are adding to the problem.

The fact of the matter is that there are women who strike out at everybody in the house, including their husbands, and I believe that we are not talking about isolated incidents. I read of some accounts on the internet where men found themselves dealing with women like that, and not knowing how to handle the situation they went to a woman’s group for advice, and were simply not believed. They were treated as the enemy behind the lines.

When it’s the man who is the victim of an abusive female partner he is faced with an even greater problem than that faced by women. A strong woman can strike back even causing physical harm, and the chances are that he will not go to the police out of shame and embarrassment. But the minute he gets fed up and strikes her, the whole apparatus kicks into place and automatically condemns him as the abuser.

Men and women are protected under the same laws against assault and battery. Both sexes have a human right to be safe and secure in their own home. Men should be proactive and prosecute women abusers openly, and they need not feel embarrassed to do so. If he finds himself living with a crazy woman who will not get help, then by all means feed her into the judicial system. This is the only legal way that he can strike back at her. Anything else and he leaves himself wide open to have the tables turned on him.

Common sense tells us that there will likely be abusers of both genders, and that this is not a female-only problem. This is a family problem and it will take people of both sexes of good will to try and effectively deal with it.

Women can say do not hit me a million times to men, but the message is far more effective if it comes from a man who says, “Guys, it’s in our own best interest not to hit our woman. Once you hit her you lose all sympathy. Don’t do it!” Above all, don’t let her manipulate you into doing it, because once you have done so, she’s in complete control.”

There will be those women who will have an agenda that is in place from the time that they meet a particular man, and part of the plan is to set him up for the fall. She will depend on his cooperation by getting him to strike her. If he refuses to fall into the trap, then he should beware, she may actually get someone else to deliberately beat her up so that she can blame it on him. It’s important to watch for such signs of determination.

Going back to the administrator of the woman’s group, I have some empathy with her because everyday she will have to deal with women victims of male abuse. However, I expect a professional to have training and an open mind, because often things are not what they seem.

Lately, there is growing violence that is committed lesbian against lesbian. Hopefully it is beginning to sink in that the perpetrator can be of either gender.

My main concern is, when men are placed in a corner and automatically labelled as the villain, there may be an over-reaction if he does lash out due to provocation. If he knows that his whole future is lost because of that one incident he may decide “in for a penny, in for a pound!” That would be the worst scenario of all.

I would like to think that with education these types of problems will be greatly reduced. However, they will never be entirely eliminated as long as masochists are attracted to sadists.

Would you like to add to this topic. E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael