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Sunday, November 25, 2007

How Nice to Meet You!











Part One


We live in a funny world. In the large cities anything untoward can happen at any time. Men and women are terribly afraid of each other. We have to be alert to danger to the extent that we cannot afford to accept an act of simple friendship without trying to determine if there is more to it.

In my own island we are brought up to be friendly as a national product, since we are in the twin businesses of international insurance and tourism. We are expected to greet each other and all visitors with a hearty “ Good Day!” That completely catches the visitor off-guard, and their most common response is “Say What?” Then they go on instant terror alert and presume that you want to sell them something or steal their wallet or handbag. All that we want them to have is a nice Bermudaful day.

In a more genteel time, if you wanted to meet someone, about whom you were curious, you simply went up to them and held out your hand and said, “Hello, my name is (what my name is) and I wanted to meet you because of, whatever.

Well, we still insist on greeting in the street. But a disturbing number of locals rely on the Internet to search for a mate. What happened? All over the world the trend is the same. We have come to rely on the safe (?) compartment of the Internet, when in fact nothing could be farther from the truth. Oh sure, the initial contact is super convenient. You put up your profile and state what you are looking for in a potential mate and the responses come rolling in.

Then, you have to leave the security of your computer room and actually go out into the world and meet face to face with this stranger who you can almost be certain has misrepresented himself or herself. Start with your own profile. Could that do with a little editing to get a little closer to the truth?

Although there are millions of names listed on a never-ending assortment of websites representing all sorts of combinations looking for each other, I’m beginning to think that in reality it’s the same dozen men and women after all. I reach this conclusion based on the descriptions people give of themselves.

I browsed the “Buzon de Amigos” section of a Spanish daily newspaper and something very interesting immediately jumped out at me. The postings of women seeking men always start by stating that she is single, or divorced, separated or widow, and she describes something of herself, such as Happy, and Friendly, Fun, Sensitive, Loving, Simple, Romantic, Sincere, Intelligent, Cultured, Loyal, Honest, Body in good condition, Elegant, Thin, or a little over her ideal weight, Normal, Quiet, Sense of Humour, with or without vices, a little timid, and good looking.

They then go on to describe the things that matter to them, such as the Cinema; Dancing; the Theatre; the great Outdoors; Walking, Bicycling; Mountain Climbing; Camping; Swimming, the Beach; Gardening, Music, Art; Museums; Travelling; Painting, Going out, or Staying In to enjoy quiet times together; Reading; Cooking; Sports, Animals; Good Television.

They then list the crucial things that they are looking for in a man, or to be precise the things that would be unacceptable. They finish by saying that they are principally seeking friendship, but that hopefully that would lead to something more intimate and lasting.

Then I looked at the postings of men seeking women. Most men simply said that they were of a certain age and their occupation was that of businessman or engineer, or hard worker, and then they went on to describe the type of woman they were seeking. Many of the men said that they were looking for friendship. (Do we believe them?)

Fellas! Guys! Fellas! You just don’t get it! Are you disappointed not to get even one bite? This medium of attracting a possible partner has enough problems built-in to it already. You don’t have to make it even worse. The ladies are going way out on a limb to try and meet you in this manner, and so far you haven’t helped them one little bit.

You are a complete unknown. She doesn’t even have your picture at this point, and even if she had she shouldn’t necessarily believe it. You have to tell her something about yourself, but you will get only one chance for first impressions. This is not the time to lie. So why then do so many people do just that?

In part two of this thread let’s examine what it would be like if we told each other the brutal truth about ourselves when we first meet.



Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael