List of Previous Titles

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Communicatiing









Dear Reader,

I know that you know that good communications is the key to all understanding. I know that you agree that good communications is of primary importance and is no less that 99% of all successful dealings between human beings. What I’m not certain of is whether we all understand what good communications fully involves.

The topic of communications is truly a very huge one. That becomes particularly apparent when we try to define what it is in a simple, easy to understand single sentence. I’m not certain that you will agree that I have succeeded with this attempt, but I define good communications between humans as “ the unambiguous transfer of thoughts, intentions, and facts.” In other words, I understood what you said and meant.

Communications is unavoidable in every thing we do and say, and is present in our very thoughts. It therefore follows that we should make the development of our communications skills a top priority. The reality is that most people rely on instinct to get us through the day.

One glance at the wealth of material provided by encyclopaedia as to this theme instantly shows the depth and width that is covered, so the only way to approach something this massive is by picking just a little bit to concentrate on at a time.

Communications between humans in our social setting is what I want to focus on at the moment. I believe that the following is probably more or less correct: communications between peer groups of the same gender are likely to be less troubled by misunderstandings. Between different generations the level of missed cues and frustrations rises dramatically. However, I reserve the highest level for built-in hazardous communications for men-women relations, whether in a business or purely social environment.

I think this is deliberate engineering by whoever designed the way of the world. It shows a very perverse sense of humour, and also provides us with an area of our greatest challenge.

In blogs to come we will discuss various aspects of communications, but for the present there are some guidelines that are generally accepted as being good advice.
· Keep your message short and simple. This is known as the KISS method.
· Think before speaking.
· Be clear in your choice of words, and speak without mumbling.
· In your dealings with your partner, transparency, openness and honesty pay great dividends. Also, it is a fact that your partner will fill in any blanks that you leave, and these will not always be what you would have wanted.

Next we will examine some differences between the thinking mechanisms of men and women.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Psychological Abuse







Physical abuse gets all the press. We can see the cuts, bumps and bruises. We have heard the excuses that the victim gives for her, or his black eyes as walking into doors or cabinet panels. We can tot up the days off sick, but psychological abuse is harder to quantify. Most people couldn’t even describe what it is.

According to Wikipedia encyclopedia, it is a form of emotional abuse that is caused, usually by a person, group or organisation in a position of control against another person or persons in a position of dependency. It is generally practised as a non-physical form of abuse, but its effects can be just as devastating, or worse than physical harm.

In my neighbourhood I am witness to an on-going situation by two families who live on either side of me. In the one home, consisting of six adults and four children, everybody screams at one another. They don’t seem to know what normal volume is, and the way that they get their point across is to shout the loudest. Those people are simply nuts, although I have learned to get used to them.

In the other house it’s a very different, and far more serious matter. It is so serious that I wonder whether I am watching the commission of a crime in slow motion.

The situation is that a father lives with his 31 year-old daughter, who has the mentality of a 7 year-old. The father is totally incapable of dealing with her, as she is very hard work. At times she will simply burst into tears and get into a binge of crying and no-one can do anything to get her to snap out of it. The family bought her a goat as a pet that seemed to work wonders on her temperament. It was something that she could love and focus on, but then one day its usual cries were no longer heard. Seems as though they ate it.

She lived at home with her mother, father, and brother. Recently, her mother died and the brother moved out, leaving just the father and the girl to survive. The father always left the girl to her mother, and now not only does he have to fend for himself, he has to care for the girl who really should be in social services care. Why no-one in the extended family seems to be trying to bring this about is hard to explain. In case I’m wrong I apologise, but it is my belief that nothing is being done to alleviate the situation.

Every day brings more screaming and bullying from him, and more crying from her accompanied by vomiting. I could not be paid to enter that house, it must be in such a state.

The harassment goes on for hours, although there is no indication of physical abuse. Her crying is really something awful to hear. It’s of the wailing-retching type, overlaid by the bellowing of her father.

My question is how will this all end? Does he have an agenda? Is he trying to get her to take her own life? I hardly think she could work out the details. She must live in a state of constant terror, yet here is Spain so many people yell and scream at one another as a matter of course, there would not appear to be any laws being broken that would merit the intervention of the police.

For we foreigners, this is a very frustrating state of affairs, but one in which we have no justification to intervene. The girl has family who are all aware of the situation. None of the relatives want to take her because she will turn their lives into a living hell. She’s the responsibility of her father and he is stuck with her.

I can only hope that social services will somehow be called in to assess the situation and to take her away to a kinder care environment than her father can give. Meanwhile, this continues as the worst case of psychological abuse that it has ever been my misfortune to encounter.


Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Senator Barak Obama's Big Risk









Why I don’t want Barak Obama to Win the White House

I’m not an American, so my observations are those from offshore. But, for the first time in a very long time, American politics are actually interesting. Suddenly, gone is the absolute criterion that only a white male could be seriously considered to occupy the office of President of the United States.

We can all remember that England went through the same mindset until we got Margaret Thatcher, and then many people considered she was the best thing since sliced bread was invented. America, overall, is growing up to realise that prejudice, the act of pre-judging, is usually self-defeating. For the first time, both a woman and a black man have been considered serious contenders for the presidential office.

Hillary Clinton has dropped out of the race because Barak Obama collected the greater number of votes for the Democratic Party’s nomination. We can be sure that for Mrs Clinton that really hurts as she felt some time ago that the nomination should have been hers. But she has been strong in defeat and she is able to muster up the necessary political will to throw her support behind Mr. Obama in the interests of the Democratic Party.

For the time being, she has done a very noble thing in the interest of American women. She has taken the concept of a woman in the White House to a very high jumping off point. She can do no more for the time being. She should reject an invitation from Senator Obama for the number two slot, and he should not offer her that position.

I’m sure that Barak Obama really wants to be elected to the White House, but I hope he loses out to John McCain by a narrow margin. He will have made his point in so much as he needs to at this time. Hillary Clinton has elevated the role of American women in the mind of the voting public, and that means that if a woman can be seriously considered for the White House as President, all women in America must reasonably and seriously be considered for anything that they wish to do.

Barak Obama can stop right now and he will have achieved the same type of heroic result, in that he has raised the place of all black people in America to the same level as whites. That happened in one quantum leap in a very short period of time. If he is defeated at the polls in a respectable finish, he most likely will see the threat against him and his family recede. No-one is talking about this, but we are all thinking about it. Most of all, I’m certain Senator Obama knows the risks associated with his historic run for the White House.

America has a very dark side in the form of white supremacist with guns and the will to use them. Homeland Security will have to be especially vigilant as the biggest threat will come not from overseas terrorists, but those of a home-grown hue.

Leaving out of the equation the risk factor against his life from the rabid racists who must be wondering what on earth is transpiring, there is also the very fact that the present administration is leaving such a mess to be sorted out, I sincerely would not inflict that on either America’s first black or female president. The problems left behind and generated during the past eight years will take several decades to be turned around, so, by all means, leave it to John McCain, another Republican to sort things out, or more likely, to take the blame for not being able to do so. When the world sees a woman or a black man at the helm I want their time in office to be remembered by everyone as the best of times. Instead, the years ahead will be very difficult and a lot of people will suffer hardships that cannot be alleviated any time soon. Those problems will not be the doing of the new administration, but that’s who will get the blame.

Of course, were it possible for either a woman or a black man to do the impossible in eight years and bring America back from the brink, that would be something worth celebrating.

So, sorry Senator Obama, I really don’t want you to “win” the presidency. I don’t want you to have to bear that cross, nor do I want you to put your life in mortal danger for just being there. Your crusade has reached its pinnacle and you have elevated a whole nation of American black people, and black people around the world. You join such historic black figures as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, who had a dream; former Secretary of State and Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff, Colin Powell; former U.N Secretary Kofi Annan, and the present Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice, among others.

You could quit while you’re ahead, but that’s not the American way, and I know you wouldn’t do that anyway. So, please be safe and accept the appreciation of a grateful tribe from around the world. You took us to another level, with dignity, and you gave hope and raised the bar. Already it can be seen to be changing the mindset of people from I can’t, to “ Yes, absolutely, I can!” There can be no turning back. In the words of Dr. Martin L. King, Jr, “We have seen the Promised Land!”

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael