List of Previous Titles

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Domestic Violence

Actors/models pictured



Domestic Violence
(Violence in the Home)

Firstly, I want to re-title this as “Violence in the Home” as I believe that the title “Domestic Violence” is trivialised as being of less importance than violence in the street

It is the topic that no-one dares to mention around the cocktail circuit, nor in the office at the water cooler. On those odd occasions when courageous folk do bring it out into the light it is discussed in hushed tones.

With this title we begin a series on this important topic. I have collected ample anecdotal evidence from the female victims of violence in the home. I need to hear from male victims, and from elders who are abused. It would also be especially helpful to hear from abusers themselves, male and female.

When we think of violence in the home the common assumption is that of men-against-women. The male has been made out to be the automatic villain of the piece. Life is just not that simple, is it?

Let me start this discussion by stating that I am in favour of the elimination of all forms of violence in the home. That means men against women; women against women; men against men; (modern forms of marriage), children against children; parents against children; children against parents; (elder abuse); and everybody against the animals. The formula to follow to maintain such a desirable state of non-violence is simple: DO NOT PROVOKE / DO NOT HIT! This is a uni-sex formula and works separately and together.

DO NOT PROVOKE! This means, if you know that there is something that someone else does not like, something that upsets that person greatly, avoid pushing that particular button. (You would only do so if you really want to start trouble.)

DO NOT HIT! Someone has pushed your button, the one that sends you up like a rocket. Do Not Hit! Perhaps you are just having a bad hair day and someone has said or done something inadvertently or deliberately to upset you. Keep your hands to yourself. Go take a walk to calm down. Just think that if you were at the office would you lash out and slug your boss or a co-worker. Of course you wouldn’t. You would most probably lose your job. So, what makes you think its O.K. to hit your family? (This question is addressed to either a man or a woman.)

This simplistic formula does not even begin to tackle the causes of violence in the home. The issues are most likely vast and complex, but the bottom line to a domestic violence-free zone is to live life observing those two principles. No matter which way we twist and turn the formula it all comes back to those same six little words.

When it occurs, violence against women in Spain is truly awful. Women are thrown from balconies, stabbed to death, thrown down several flights of stairs. They are beaten within an inch of their lives and made to suffer injuries more grave than a heavyweight boxer can inflict.

What is going on here? Some say that the problem is that we are seeing Spain in transition. Macho Spanish man finds himself being challenged by historically, usually compliant women. His status as El Jefe, (the boss) is threatened and he is bewildered and confused. It is a thing of honour. No woman may speak to a man like that! Let me hasten to add that the perpetrators of all this violence are people of many nationalities.

Men! We simply cannot go around punching every person who disagrees with us. This is a statement of the obvious. I personally think the problem begins the moment two people form a relationship. That’s when the power game starts. One of those two people will want to be dominant. It is human nature. What happens next will severely test the personal skills of both individuals to cope, although more than likely only one person becomes the relationship saviour by steering them through the rough passages. The other is blissfully unaware. Life is about give and take. The delicacy of the dance is about knowing when to give, and when it’s your turn to take.

This scratches the surface of this thorny subject. With your help, let’s see if we can get into causes and effects, and suggested ways to deal our way around the problems without resorting to violence and abuse, both physical and mental. This is not meant to be a substitute for professional counselling. This is all about the collected wisdom in our opinions.

E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com I would love to hear from you!




Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael