List of Previous Titles

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Office Christmas Party


The Office Christmas Party-Nothing happens. Honest!


For twenty years I worked for an international insurance broker that employed about 150 people. Each year preceding Christmas the company held a party to thank the staff for our productivity and to wish us well. For most of those twenty years it was the most stressful time of the year that caused more problems between spouses than was necessary.

Firstly there is the cost of entertaining 150 people at a fairly high-class venue in an expensive place like Bermuda. The cost is staggering and the company has to take a big hit against its bottom line. Secondly, there is the perception of what goes on at the party between work colleagues that worries the spouse left at home. Hollywood has done a wonderful job of suggesting all sorts of funny business that people might get up to. The other spouse never buys the argument about cost, and the whole thing becomes one giant conspiracy.

During my time, especially in the early years my solution was to accept the company’s invitation and stay for the cocktails and dinner, and immediately after I would leave to meet with my partner and go on to another venue. Some people could not even get an agreement with their other halves to do that, so they didn’t attend. That was not politically correct either, and absences were noted.

What did happen at the party? Well, we all got dressed up, and in particular the women went to great lengths to look their very best. For them it was like Oscar night, and I think they saw themselves doing some kind of red carpet walk. The men also generally made a bit of an effort, and when we all met there was much kidding about how well we “cleaned up.”

At first conversation would be a little strained, and old cliques had to be broken up. We were made to sit next to someone we would never associate with during the normal course of working, and that could lead to some interesting discoveries over dinner.

The company had a policy of non-fraternization that discouraged office romances. Generally, if one of these got started one of the people would have to leave. I’m sorry to say it was usually the female. Fortunately it didn’t happen very often.

Following dinner there was dancing. I only stayed around for that a few times, but it was fun. By then the cocktails were working and people began to let their hair down. Before we knew it the end of the night had arrived, and the hardy souls went on to after- hours places. It was possible that some people got laid that night, but if so it never became a matter for office gossip, and there was lots of that the following Monday. The topics centred around how this person or that person dressed, and how wonderful the meal was, but the fact of the matter was that we were all so aware that our behaviour was under the microscope that we behaved like real angels.

Whatever we did that night we would have to live with for the next 12 months, so everyone was on their very best manners. Meanwhile, the other spouse at home were royally pissed off and worrying themselves sick. When the employee got home he/she didn’t dare admit that they had a good time.

Finally, our company gave in to suggestions that these awful problems could be overcome by simply allowing the employee to bring a guest and to pay for that person. The problems went away when the home spouse could see what a tight-ass event it was.

Which all to goes to show that the best laid intentions can always go astray.

Merry Christmas everyone, and Happy Office Party.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael