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Sunday, March 9, 2008

What about Swinging?






Firstly, the topic of Swinging as a life style choice is just about the most misunderstood subject in the world, and was readily ridiculed by more than 90% of the people I dared to speak to about it.

I freely confess to being a sceptic, however, after discussing the topic with someone whose opinion I respect, and who is gifted with a super sense of logic and good sense, I have concluded that there are perhaps some redeeming aspects to the practise of The Swinging Lifestyle, and if understood might actually keep some marriages together that otherwise would go the way of so many others.

What is Swinging? It is non-monogamous sexual practise involving three or more people, but not necessarily together at the same time
Who is ideally suited? Married couples whose own intimate lives together have dried up, but for significant reasons need to keep the framework of the marriage together.
Main objections? Moral and philosophical, but not necessarily religious.

The Swinging Lifestyle is widely practised in countries around the world to such a degree that this treatment of the topic will come as no surprise or enlightenment to many who read it. In other words, it’s more common than one might think. There are openly advertised swingers clubs, and there are private arrangements.

These are modern times, and this is a subject for very mature adults only. Essentially, The Lifestyle is presumably seen as a solution to a problem, but because of the intimate nature of the action it can also lead to other problems. In times past the practise was that of going to a party and throwing your car key in the pot. The women chose a key, but the atmosphere was always depicted as being very severe.

The norm is that of male-female couples getting together for the objective of swapping partners for sexual gratification. A common age group will be the over forties, mainly because these will be people who have had a long-term relationship, perhaps started in their early twenties, and their sex lives have become worn out with repetition and sameness. To spice up their lives and overcome boredom they trust each other, and to avoid deceit they mutually agree to engage with other couples in the pursuit of pure pleasure.


Unlike engaging with another person in sex for payment, the practise of swinging can allow for emotions, and it seems to me that eventually you are going to engage with someone in this most intimate of human activities that will touch your heart, and you will feel genuine love, and that will break all the rules.

There are those couples that say they already have a good sex life together, but swinging enhances it. They say that by swinging they ward off the boredom factor. I stretch my imagination to try and understand how that works. Here you are, married with children, and on the surface everything else appears to be normal except once or twice a month you attend a party and go off with other people. Do you talk about it at home afterwards? And are you absolutely honest with each other?

There is one major consideration in all this, and that is that if one of the partners is not as completely convinced and committed as the other, I assume that disaster lies ahead. I would like to be the fly on the ceiling at the time the subject first comes up. Can we safely assume that it will always be the male to take the initiative? Probably not. It used to be called wife-swapping, but that term is no longer politically correct because it gives the mistaken impression that the wife simply does her husband’s bidding. Partner-swapping more properly reflects what takes place, especially where both people are mutually enthusiastic.

However, I am convinced that when one’s wife agrees to it, she does not do so for her husband’s sake. She has to see that there is something in it for her as well, and she is entitled to be selfish. It may be that the husband got them started, but it will be the wife who keeps them in it.

There is such a wide variety of clubs and participants that the rules are bound to be complex across the spectrum. The most uncomplicated are those clubs that are based on non-discriminatory couples only, but then there are some groupings that welcome single women on their own, and discourage single men without women partners.

As with any intimate activity of this sort there will be the ever-present dangers of sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy. These are dangers great enough on their own to cool passions, but I think the greatest danger of all is that sooner or later you will meet that someone who you will not be able to shake from your mind, and the thing that you tried to avoid of your marriage breaking up will go that route anyway.

Of course, it can be argued that you had all that fun in the meantime. And now that you begin a new life with your new partner, will you be expected to continue to Swing?

Life can be so complicated at times!


Copyright © 2008

Eugene Carmichael