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Sunday, December 21, 2014

The Bermuda Triangle Christmas Tree

Christmas in The Bermuda Triangle is very different!
My two favourite Jamacians, Clyde and Dudley were smoking their daily gigantic spliff, when as usual, one of them started with, "you know mon, I been tinking." These two genuises come up with all manner of bizarre ideas, including the one about Jamaica sending a Toboggan team to the Winter olympics.

It was Clyde who said to Dudley that he was thinking that they should gatheer together a great big shipment of marijuana, because as he put it, "It God's own Herb, mon, and we could ship it to Bermuda 'n sell it fer top dollar." "Good idea Clyde, mon, but how ve ship it?" "In one of dem dere ocean going fancy yachts in the bay tied only wif a piece of string."

And that's exactly what our two heroes did. They slipped out to sea in the still of a moonless night aboard a luxury yacht that they had borrowed, headed due north, destined for Bermuda. However, predictably, after only three days at sea a storm arose. A really big storm that whipped up waves three, four, five stories high. Suddenly the yacht rose upon a rogue wave that carried it ten stories high, then the wave rolled and broke leaving the yacht with nothing under her, so she dove by her nose, straight down into the trough where she hesitated only for a short momnt before continuing straight down.

Clyde and Dudley were astounded as they lay in the fetus position in the cabin with their mouths open, forgetting to breathe. All was quiet until they felt a gentle bump as the yacht settled on the bottom.

"Dudley, what hoppened, man?" "Me no know, Clyde!" "Come, let we go outside and see what happening."

It didn't occur to either man that they were speaking and breathing normally at the bottom of the sea. They had landed in the Bubble at the Bottom of The Bermuda Triangle Sea.

Suddenly, Clyde spotted a light off in the distance. "Dudley, vat dat dere light, you see it mon?" "Seen, mon. Come let ve go and investigate!"

As they drew nearer the light they could see humans, one looked very much like King Neptune with a crown on his head and a Trident in his hand, and all. King said, "Welcome boys, how much ganja you bring me?"
"Eh, eh!" both of our heroes said at the same time. "Never mind," said King, "my men are offloading her right now."

It was then that Clyde spotted the oddest thing. It appeared to be a huge christmas tree off in the distance. It was so colourful and really big. "Vat dat, Mr King, mon, vat a christmas tree doing down ere?

"Well that is the answer to the greatest mystery the world has ever known, and it's here in the Bermuda Triangle for anyone who wants to drop in for a chat. That, my lads, is a mountain made up of every sock that ever went missing from washing machines around the world. It looks like a tree so I call it my Bermuda Triangle perpeptual  Christmas Tree. Beautiful, don't you think?

"Rastafari" yelled Clyde. "Rastafari, indeed," said Dudley. "Mon, I no smoke de ganja no more. It making life too veird!"

From Clyde, Dudley and myself, we wish you all a Merry Christmas and prosperity throughout 2015. If Christmas is not your ting then we hope that you celebrate the end of 2014 in good health, and may good health bless us all for many more years to come.

"Ya Mon!"

Copyright (c) 2014  Eugene Carmichael