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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Breaking the Circle of Violence in the Home










Don’t Provoke! -Don’t Hit!

What happens between the time of the wedding when everybody is full of smiles, and later when the police are called? What could possibly go so wrong? This is the question of the ages. The only thing that I can conclude for certain is that both partners are responsible for the success and happiness of their marriage, and both are responsible for the downfall and failure. Only the two partners, or combatants, can really know the full story, and even they will most likely be bewildered.

A person’s judgement as to their choice of partner is the major factor. So, where the “injured” party contends that they have done everything by the book to make a go of it, perhaps their only contribution to the disaster was simply their choice of partner.

In the event of forced marriages there should be no surprise when later things turn sour. There are so many stories of the bride or groom who change their minds on the wedding day, but who are forced to go through with it for their family to save face. (Not to mention that there are all those sandwiches already made). There is clearly a need for enlightenment to allow for the whole thing to be called off, even at such a late date. After all, the alternative is a known quantity, and a very sad statistic.

My advice to my fellow men is not to hit their wife/significant other, because the only thing that the public gets to see are the bruises. If there was provocation, we don’t get to see that. You might have been the long- suffering, hen-pecked to death, quiet gentleman. But when the going gets too tough, go out for a pack of cigarettes, whether you smoke or not. If it is a case of someone else trying to get you to ruin your life, do not cooperate! Just take the pain like a man, because our culture has arrived at the point where we have zero tolerance for the wife-beater.

Well, do men hate women? If so, in those cases that can be so described as such, where does such hatred come from? Let’s look at some extreme examples.

Case No. 1.

As a young boy, Stanley, (not his real name) was witness to a row between his mother and father where his mother told his father, (who Stanley adored) to get out of the house (that his father built with his own hands) for reasons that were never made clear. Thereafter, as his mother tried to stabilize her life Stanley had to endure a parade of “uncles” going in and out of his house. So Stanley grew up with a gigantic chip on his shoulder that he was never able to confront his mother over. But he developed a suspicion of all women, and mostly he was angry with women because if his mother behaved in that manner, surely all women were like that.

So, in his dealing with women he holds a lot of pent-up anger and hostility. He is likely to be the one to get drunk on a Saturday night and explode at home over the slightest triviality. Stanley needs major and urgent help!

Case No. 2.

Albert, (not his real name) is a conservative and shy person. He is a hard worker, a pillar of the community, very naïve in many ways, but a real family man. What he needs to round out his life is the love of a good woman, but unfortunately Albert is a bad judge of character. Consequently he doesn’t see the cunning, scheming Jezebel coming for him. She sees him as an easy mark to rip off. They marry and after a suitable “honeymoon” period she proceeds to turn his life upside down through provocation, goading him to hit her so that she could fire up her planned program, called “Operation Strip-him-clean”. When he finally hit her in the blind rage that she authored he stood to lose everything. His job, civic standing, reputation, money, house, his whole way of life. She stood to gain it all, which was the very objective. This is where it becomes very dangerous because some men might reason that since they were ruined anyway, what do they have to lose. “In for a penny, in for a pound”. What could happen next is likely to be serious mayhem.

Violence in the home is not just men against women. I am concerned about all forms, such as:
- women to men; there are many women who are violent aggressors. These people might have borne witness to maltreatment of their mothers by their fathers.
- women to women, in the case of lesbian couples;
- men to men, in the case of homosexual couples. In both these scenarios the couples might even be legally married.
- Siblings to siblings. Children need to be taught early about anger management.
- Parents against children. When does a physical response cross the line from discipline and become abuse?
- Children against parents. This might otherwise be called Elder abuse. A recent example was the case of a daughter who took her 92 year-old mother into the city and left her holding on to a railing at the side of the road, allegedly quite deliberately, and never to return.
- And then there is care-giver abuse of children or the very elderly.

Violence in the home in many cases has to be unlearned. It can be the result of custom: abused as a child, abuser as an adult. (Hence the circle of violence.) The saddest sight is that of a man beating his son when the son is just like his dad. I say the man should simply go beat himself up.

In summary, to those people who quite rightly call for the cessation of violence against women, I agree, but I ask how soon do we start the process? To everybody else I suggest a one-size fits all approach. That is, Don’t Provoke! Don’t Hit! I repeat, Don’t Provoke! Don’t Hit! Try anger management instead. Admittedly it will not be easy, but we cannot go through life beating up everybody. A simple, unisex, easy-to-live by, very easy slogan to remember: Don’t Provoke! Don’t Hit!

Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Domestic Violence

Actors/models pictured



Domestic Violence
(Violence in the Home)

Firstly, I want to re-title this as “Violence in the Home” as I believe that the title “Domestic Violence” is trivialised as being of less importance than violence in the street

It is the topic that no-one dares to mention around the cocktail circuit, nor in the office at the water cooler. On those odd occasions when courageous folk do bring it out into the light it is discussed in hushed tones.

With this title we begin a series on this important topic. I have collected ample anecdotal evidence from the female victims of violence in the home. I need to hear from male victims, and from elders who are abused. It would also be especially helpful to hear from abusers themselves, male and female.

When we think of violence in the home the common assumption is that of men-against-women. The male has been made out to be the automatic villain of the piece. Life is just not that simple, is it?

Let me start this discussion by stating that I am in favour of the elimination of all forms of violence in the home. That means men against women; women against women; men against men; (modern forms of marriage), children against children; parents against children; children against parents; (elder abuse); and everybody against the animals. The formula to follow to maintain such a desirable state of non-violence is simple: DO NOT PROVOKE / DO NOT HIT! This is a uni-sex formula and works separately and together.

DO NOT PROVOKE! This means, if you know that there is something that someone else does not like, something that upsets that person greatly, avoid pushing that particular button. (You would only do so if you really want to start trouble.)

DO NOT HIT! Someone has pushed your button, the one that sends you up like a rocket. Do Not Hit! Perhaps you are just having a bad hair day and someone has said or done something inadvertently or deliberately to upset you. Keep your hands to yourself. Go take a walk to calm down. Just think that if you were at the office would you lash out and slug your boss or a co-worker. Of course you wouldn’t. You would most probably lose your job. So, what makes you think its O.K. to hit your family? (This question is addressed to either a man or a woman.)

This simplistic formula does not even begin to tackle the causes of violence in the home. The issues are most likely vast and complex, but the bottom line to a domestic violence-free zone is to live life observing those two principles. No matter which way we twist and turn the formula it all comes back to those same six little words.

When it occurs, violence against women in Spain is truly awful. Women are thrown from balconies, stabbed to death, thrown down several flights of stairs. They are beaten within an inch of their lives and made to suffer injuries more grave than a heavyweight boxer can inflict.

What is going on here? Some say that the problem is that we are seeing Spain in transition. Macho Spanish man finds himself being challenged by historically, usually compliant women. His status as El Jefe, (the boss) is threatened and he is bewildered and confused. It is a thing of honour. No woman may speak to a man like that! Let me hasten to add that the perpetrators of all this violence are people of many nationalities.

Men! We simply cannot go around punching every person who disagrees with us. This is a statement of the obvious. I personally think the problem begins the moment two people form a relationship. That’s when the power game starts. One of those two people will want to be dominant. It is human nature. What happens next will severely test the personal skills of both individuals to cope, although more than likely only one person becomes the relationship saviour by steering them through the rough passages. The other is blissfully unaware. Life is about give and take. The delicacy of the dance is about knowing when to give, and when it’s your turn to take.

This scratches the surface of this thorny subject. With your help, let’s see if we can get into causes and effects, and suggested ways to deal our way around the problems without resorting to violence and abuse, both physical and mental. This is not meant to be a substitute for professional counselling. This is all about the collected wisdom in our opinions.

E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com I would love to hear from you!




Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, December 16, 2007

What do Men Want?







How many men would say that they have exactly the life that they want?

So many men are in the position where they hold dead-end jobs that they hate, and they go home to frigid wives who could hardly care less about their needs or desires; and they have children who are disrespectful and who hate them simply because they are authority figures. Pity the poor man who has this kind of package.

On top of all that are the financial obligations that the poor guy is saddled with. A variable mortgage on a home that he could be required to leave if his wife decides that is in her own best interests, and the usual mountain of debt that most men face. At some point in time such men in these circumstances pause, take a deep breath and ask themselves how in the world did I end up in this trap?

There was a time when it all seemed to be such a good idea. He was in love with his beautiful girl, and all he wanted to do was spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted to live happily ever after. But things went wrong somewhere along the way. Neither he nor his wife is quite certain where or when, but it has led to this very uncomfortable place.

Now what?

He only did the right and honourable thing. After a suitable period of courtship their love led them to the next level, and he went willingly. When it came time to “church” her he did so gladly because it was so natural. All of his and her family expected it. If he had other ideas the attitude of both families would certainly have turned frosty toward him. He would have been an embarrassment to his own family, and would have soon faced the inevitable question from hers, “what are your intentions, young man?”

Such is tradition and custom in Western societies that we go through life as though we are objects drawn by magnets. We are drawn together, and then together we are drawn into the well-trod path of marriage and children and mortgage, and alas, divorce.

What is the driving force? In one word it is Love! The need to feel the real and genuine love of another human being that is manifested through support and encouragement from that one special person from whom those attributes mean everything. It simply is not possible to gain the depth of satisfaction necessary that we are all seeking from any other source.

Some people actually attain this level of success in their lives, and they seem to maintain it throughout. How do they manage to do so? I think that first it takes two people who are very determined and mature about what they want. They must surely have talked things through at the beginning so that there was no room for misunderstanding.

There must also be some extra glue that keeps it all together, and I think that this must be a mutual belief that contains a system of rules and guidelines, and a promised reward in the end. I am probably speaking of a religious faith to keep the partners on the straight and narrow. Especially in these times of liberal thought, couples need to gather their strength from somewhere.

So, enter Family Man! As he stops to take a snapshot of his life, he smiles in appreciation because he considers that he has it all. He has been married thirty years to the same woman, and they are happier today than when it all started. Their two children are well into their twenties and they are doing just fine.

The relationship between he and his wife is rock solid. He can see that a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman, but she has nothing that he needs because, in so far as he is concerned he already has the most beautiful woman in the world.

They have worked hard together to build a life. Perhaps they own their own home and they have a couple of cars, and most of the comforts of living in a modern society. He may love his job, or perhaps it’s only just a means to an end. If he gets no real satisfaction there he makes up for it by being involved in community and/or charity work.

This is a man fulfilled because all that he wants is to be appreciated by his neighbours and loved and respected by his family, the same family upon whom he gives of his own time and respect and love.

If you are such a man, you do indeed, have it all.



Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, December 9, 2007

A Question of Integrity!











Integrity: moral uprightness; honesty; wholeness; soundness.


In God’s view, human beings are simply one of many species placed on earth as part of the Big Picture. We are driven in large measure by instinct, as are the other species, however; we tend to think that as human beings we are at the top of the chain. That we have Dominion over all things. We think we are superior over all in the animal and plant kingdom because we have the power to reason, and we have the triad of intellect, integrity, and morality to guide us.

I’m not so certain that we are entitled to our lofty assessment of ourselves, especially when we take a close look at many in the animal kingdom. In their world the worst of human behaviour is non-existent, and much of our best is even better represented.

I want to focus on this question of the conduct of male behaviour in the context of morality and integrity because this is one area where we need a lot of help. As an example, let’s say that the girl is angry with her boyfriend or husband, so to get back at him she uses his brother by offering her body to him. The amazing thing is that in probably the majority of these examples he will accept.

Where is his sense of integrity? How is he able to so easily set aside his moral sense? Of course it’s wrong! He knows it’s wrong, so why not just say no and walk away in disgust?

I have a theory when it comes to establishing a criteria to govern whom I may, or may not sleep with: If I allow a man to call me his friend, under no circumstances would I even consider making a move on his woman. Certainly, any man to whom I am blood related as brother, cousin, or uncle, puts his woman off-limits, even if they have split up.

If your woman is beautiful, charming, alluring and seductive, I can recognize all those things, but my sense of integrity and morality tell me to stay away. I owe the man, who I call my friend a debt of honour, and the momentary enjoyment I might get from being intimate with his woman is simply not enough to soothe my conscience. I have to live with that for life.

I’m not saying that it is easy to make such decisions when you have a woman saying “come hither big boy, I’m yours!” But integrity is at its best when under pressure. We get our sense of self-esteem when we are put to the test and we pass. We can dine out on stories of the time when the temptation was so great, but we successfully resisted. We tell no one if we caved in to it.

How important is self-esteem? That’s the element in our lives from which we decide whether we like ourselves the way we are, or whether we feel that we don’t deserve happiness and respect. There are many among us who lead double lives. On the one hand they hold themselves out as paragons of virtue while at the same time hiding a very shadowy other life. Such people are set up for a fall when the truth comes out. They must surely know that the day will come.

Having said all the above, there is one circumstance that counts sort of as the exception to the rule and which affects far more people than might be expected. That is the situation where one half of a couple finds that their basic, fundamental human needs are not being met by their partner over a significant period of time, either out of hostility, apathy, or physical inability, and the future holds no promise that things will improve. Normally, this could be an end-of-the-road scenario.

But what if it’s not possible for the injured party to walk away? The choices are (a) Stay, sacrifice and suffer in silence while life passes by; (b) Leave anyway, and hang the consequences; (c) demand from the partner at fault permission to meet your needs, by any means possible. Simply put, the partner at fault gives that permission by not holding up their end of the bargain anyway, as it is unreasonable to expect anything else.

As for the injured party, they exhibit a high degree of integrity by staying, when they should go in pursuit of personal happiness.

There is a growing trend among couples to find a solution within the home. Rather than simply throwing away all that they have built up, through understanding and love they work to hold it together. The formula allows for the person in need to receive the attention that is missing from their life. The personal ads show several invitations from couples looking for a man or a woman to come into their home to be a part of the family.

This is a brave new world within which we live, but if we can be as mature as this to solve our problems, we need have no worries about our integrity.


Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, December 2, 2007

How Nice to Meet You! (Part Two)









It is as natural as night follows day that when we meet someone for the first time, especially in a social setting, we make every effort to put our best foot forward. I want your first impression of me to be favourable. In perhaps most cases we present someone who is not really ourselves. Sometimes, the real person whom we are is not allowed to come through until much later. It really all depends on the agenda.

In ridiculous situations, when meeting through the Internet, the two people who have agreed to meet face to face, although armed with their internet descriptions can only recognize each other by the particular clothing that they said they would be wearing.

He said that he was six feet tall and muscular with a full head of hair. He is really 5 foot six, balding with a paunch, and bowed legs. She said that she was blonde, just a little over her ideal weight, and she thought she could reasonably claim to be quite good looking. Well, he could see right away that her blonde hair was not quite properly positioned, and he wondered what she considered her ideal weight.

These are the obvious lies, and while not a good start, at worst they should create mistrust. Without trust, can there be anything substantial and reliable? That is building the house on a foundation of sand.

The thing that is so wrong with so many relationships today is that the person we thought we married turns out to be someone else completely different. When I married my wife in England, being a foreigner I was quizzed by the Registrar who was trying to determine whether this was a marriage of convenience between a foreigner and an Englishwoman. Did I really know her? My response was: “Do any of the people who come in here know each other, and if so, how come some time later they end up asking, who the hell are you?

It will never happen this way, but what if he said to her as part of the getting acquainted stage: “ I am basically looking for a woman who will take over pampering me as my mother did. When I lived at home I never helped with the housework, and my clothes were always ready for me to put on. My mother never seemed to mind when I just dumped them in a corner to be washed, and I don’t expect you to mind either. Here’s a list of all of my favourite foods and when I expect to have them.

I also fully intend to have evenings away from home with me mates, and I don’t expect you to give me grief about it. I may drink a bit too much at times, but boys will be boys, right?”

She could then state that to take her on means high maintenance. She fully expects a couple of holidays abroad each year, and she can’t help being a spendthrift. The dishes may pile up a bit because of her nails, and she considers it absolutely essential that her hair be perfect at all times. And, oh! The sex thing. You can expect the frequency of such encounters to fall off quite quickly.

Perhaps I’m exaggerating and things are not so dire after all. But the point I think is still valid. Honesty is the best policy, and in the getting acquainted stage couples need to talk openly and frankly about their hopes and wishes and needs and wants, and particularly their expectations of each other.

Most people will tell you that if they knew then what they know now they certainly would not have advanced into a marriage, at least not with one another. That’s so sad, and sadder still is the fact that it happens all the time. So many tragedies can be prevented by not entering into them in the first place. If only we knew what we needed to know at the time.

So, to give your new relationship a real fighting chance, if you want it to last you’ll have to be completely forthcoming from the start. You each have to ask yourselves “what does the other person have a right to know about me?” If you have nothing to hide, then hide nothing. Start off building trust, the fuel that drives the relationship. Without trust, you’re running on empty. If what you have to tell is too hot to handle for the other person then you have no basis for a relationship, and that is better to discover at the start.


Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, November 25, 2007

How Nice to Meet You!











Part One


We live in a funny world. In the large cities anything untoward can happen at any time. Men and women are terribly afraid of each other. We have to be alert to danger to the extent that we cannot afford to accept an act of simple friendship without trying to determine if there is more to it.

In my own island we are brought up to be friendly as a national product, since we are in the twin businesses of international insurance and tourism. We are expected to greet each other and all visitors with a hearty “ Good Day!” That completely catches the visitor off-guard, and their most common response is “Say What?” Then they go on instant terror alert and presume that you want to sell them something or steal their wallet or handbag. All that we want them to have is a nice Bermudaful day.

In a more genteel time, if you wanted to meet someone, about whom you were curious, you simply went up to them and held out your hand and said, “Hello, my name is (what my name is) and I wanted to meet you because of, whatever.

Well, we still insist on greeting in the street. But a disturbing number of locals rely on the Internet to search for a mate. What happened? All over the world the trend is the same. We have come to rely on the safe (?) compartment of the Internet, when in fact nothing could be farther from the truth. Oh sure, the initial contact is super convenient. You put up your profile and state what you are looking for in a potential mate and the responses come rolling in.

Then, you have to leave the security of your computer room and actually go out into the world and meet face to face with this stranger who you can almost be certain has misrepresented himself or herself. Start with your own profile. Could that do with a little editing to get a little closer to the truth?

Although there are millions of names listed on a never-ending assortment of websites representing all sorts of combinations looking for each other, I’m beginning to think that in reality it’s the same dozen men and women after all. I reach this conclusion based on the descriptions people give of themselves.

I browsed the “Buzon de Amigos” section of a Spanish daily newspaper and something very interesting immediately jumped out at me. The postings of women seeking men always start by stating that she is single, or divorced, separated or widow, and she describes something of herself, such as Happy, and Friendly, Fun, Sensitive, Loving, Simple, Romantic, Sincere, Intelligent, Cultured, Loyal, Honest, Body in good condition, Elegant, Thin, or a little over her ideal weight, Normal, Quiet, Sense of Humour, with or without vices, a little timid, and good looking.

They then go on to describe the things that matter to them, such as the Cinema; Dancing; the Theatre; the great Outdoors; Walking, Bicycling; Mountain Climbing; Camping; Swimming, the Beach; Gardening, Music, Art; Museums; Travelling; Painting, Going out, or Staying In to enjoy quiet times together; Reading; Cooking; Sports, Animals; Good Television.

They then list the crucial things that they are looking for in a man, or to be precise the things that would be unacceptable. They finish by saying that they are principally seeking friendship, but that hopefully that would lead to something more intimate and lasting.

Then I looked at the postings of men seeking women. Most men simply said that they were of a certain age and their occupation was that of businessman or engineer, or hard worker, and then they went on to describe the type of woman they were seeking. Many of the men said that they were looking for friendship. (Do we believe them?)

Fellas! Guys! Fellas! You just don’t get it! Are you disappointed not to get even one bite? This medium of attracting a possible partner has enough problems built-in to it already. You don’t have to make it even worse. The ladies are going way out on a limb to try and meet you in this manner, and so far you haven’t helped them one little bit.

You are a complete unknown. She doesn’t even have your picture at this point, and even if she had she shouldn’t necessarily believe it. You have to tell her something about yourself, but you will get only one chance for first impressions. This is not the time to lie. So why then do so many people do just that?

In part two of this thread let’s examine what it would be like if we told each other the brutal truth about ourselves when we first meet.



Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Is your Lovely Lady a Lunatic?












Is Your Lovely Lady a Lunatic?

Paul R. from Melbourne, Australia wants to know. He writes:

“ G’day mate! The thing about some Sheilas is that they are completely mad. You tell them that you love them more than words can say, and that you would do anything for them, and everyday, in every possible way that they can imagine they test you.

“ I have finally come to my senses and rid myself of the worst experience of my life by losing 60 kilos of pure evil. I was slow to realize that because the story of my relationship with my ex-girl friend started like they do in the movies. Our eyes locked across a crowded bar, and little by little we came together. Her name is Paula, so we thought that we were made for each other, Paul and Paula. She was blonde, (later I discovered that came from a bottle), blue-eyed (the effect of her contact lens), and she is superb in the chest department. Even they were breast implants, although I really didn’t care about that because they were fun to play with. On meeting her and sizing her up I realized I was actually drooling a little from the side of my mouth.

“She took her time with me and played me like a didgeridoo. I had to wait a whole month before she took me into her bed, but that was like having won the freaking lotto.

“Whenever she wanted something, or did something naughty, and let me tell you about some of those, she would always say “if you really loved me, blah, blah, blah.”

“I’m a working class guy in construction. Naturally, I work bloody hard for my money, so why was I giving this girl the finest that money could buy? She loved eating out and jewellery. Whenever I bought her a special piece that she liked she rewarded me with something extra in bed. It never occurred to me to ask myself where she learned her techniques. Sometimes I would buy her jewellery that she did not like. Then she would say she wanted to take it back to choose something else. Invariably that cost more money. During the three years with her I never saved a penny. What a bitch!

“After a short while I changed from my room to renting a full house so that we could live together. There were times when she said that she would be visiting her relatives and she would be gone for days. Australia, as you know is a big place, so if you have relatives scattered all over this involves many days travelling time. She insisted that she didn’t want a mobile phone, so once out of the house she would be out of contact. During those periods I would wait and worry and long for her return like the sick Koala that I was.

“On one such trip when she was visiting her Aunt Sue in Sydney, which is a trillion kilometres to the north, I could swear I saw her in another bloke’s car passing the jobsite I was on. It was probably just her twin, I told myself, but the thought of what my eyes were telling me did shake me up. I couldn’t call her because she said her aunt didn’t have a phone. Does anybody living in Sydney not have a phone?

“On one of our nights out she openly flirted with another guy. When I had a grumble about it she said I needn’t worry. I was the only man she could ever love, but she asked me if I had ever fantasized about watching her make love to another man. If I really loved her I would support her fantasy about she in bed with me and this other guy. She would rather not go behind my back, and for one couple to be only with the other partner for the rest of our lives was unrealistic.

“The amber fluid (beer) flowed well that night and before the night was over the three of us had a good old rump in bed. I was depressed for days after. However, it wasn’t long before she spotted someone else she wanted a threesome with but he had a girlfriend. That didn’t stop her, and before long she managed to get the four of us in bed. The other girl and I made a half-hearted effort but we were distracted by the ferocity of her energy in absolutely consuming the guy. She seemed to be performing for her audience.

“We talked about it the next day, but she would not let me complain by reminding me that I should have been busy in giving pleasure to his Barbie (girlfriend). If I loved her I would not deny her such harmless pleasures. After all, she was not cheating on me behind my back.

“She was a lousy homemaker, expecting me to do all the cleaning and cooking, things that she assumed I would be glad to do if I really loved her.

“ Finally, one day I woke up, and I really woke up to what this crazy woman was all about. I had to go through an exorcism-like experience to get rid of her, and now I wonder what was I thinking. She was absolutely amazed that I no longer loved her.

I have to give her credit for one thing: That is when we met I told her that I wanted her, and I wanted to get to know her better. She said, “ No you don’t! You don’t want me, you don’t want to get to know me!”

“ The moral of this story is that if a woman says those words to you when you meet her, remember that she knows herself better than you ever can, so do not hesitate, RUN!!!!

Does this sound like someone you know? I think I do. Got a story to share with us, contact me at eugene.spain@gmail.com

Copyright (c) 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Who you calling a Bastard!







All babies are born equal! It is we, the adults that stick the labels on them. But in their innocence they are all equally charming and loveable.

So, why then, in this so-called age of enlightenment are we intelligent adults placing some into a category that we call “Illegitimate”. The dictionary describes such a state as being “not authorized by law”. A child not born within marriage is not lawfully born?

Firstly, what are laws but rules prescribed by men and women for the benefit of those in control of society at the time. History is replete with examples of laws that operated, that in the fullness of time were judged to be brutal, draconian, and an outrage to modern-day decency. Laws that made legitimate the practise of discrimination, oppression of minorities and women, and the ownership of slaves, are but a few of the more despicable lawful acts that have shown the depravity of men against their fellow human beings, when left unchecked.

There is apparently a country where the law states that no virgin may marry. All virgins must be officially de-flowered by men for whom this is their only job. The families must pay to have this done. It’s the law! Is it a just law that deserves the respect and civil obedience? Of course not!

Getting back to this odious law that makes an innocent baby guilty of a crime, who benefits? I can only think of one class of person to gain, and that is the man who has extra-marital affairs, or who fathers his children exclusively outside marriage. Through this law such offspring are disallowed from claiming a right to inherit along with those children within his marriage, if he is married. They are also forestalled from enjoying several other rights that otherwise they would be entitled to.

The shameful state of affairs that exists is that the law protects the guilty and condemns the innocent. The legal fraternity allow this to continue; apparently Law Reform Committees everywhere turn a blind eye to its effects, and actually support and enforce it.

As if to underscore the point that I am trying to make, there are men who quite deliberately father as many children as they can with as many dumb women as they can find. These men define their manhood by being able to brag about the number of children they have fathered. Of course, such idiots do not care for any of them.


Fortunately those born outside of wedlock need not find such circumstances an impediment to leading a normal life. Many such persons rise to positions of great prominence and power, including the power to make change. The question is asked, then why don’t they? It is difficult to understand why this antiquated law is not finally done away with. It needs to be thrown out with all the other embarrassing trash of the past. Its continued existence is an embarrassment to all decent minded citizens; it encourages irresponsible behaviour on the part of certain men, who know that the consequences of their actions are limited; and as for the individuals themselves who come to realise that they are not legitimate, they almost universally suffer an unnecessarily painful humiliation, imposed upon them by the law, and unwittingly, their parents.

Who makes laws? Parliament does. Who can repeal laws? Parliament can.

Perhaps this is more timely than might at first be thought. Laws that sent people to jail for their sexual orientation are now being reviewed and changed to the extent that the pendulum has completely swung to the other extreme. At least homosexuals and lesbians no longer need lead their lives “in the closet”, ashamed of whom they truly are. In the past they were persecuted and hounded just for being different.

In certain parts of the United States of America, history tells of a time when one man could lawfully have owned another as his property, as though the human was an animal. In certain parts of Africa today, it is still completely lawful to own slaves. There are laws that make female castration legal. Should such laws be changed without delay? Of course they should!

One place to begin would be to ascertain whether this is one man’s irrelevant rant, or whether there is significant support for repeal or radical amendment of the various legal Acts that give life to the branding of a person as one who has no legitimate right to exist. Presumably there is also the school of thought that holds that no change should be contemplated. I would appreciate hearing from both sides of the issue.

Please e-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com







Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, November 4, 2007

The Diving Dollar






First came 9/11, and America had to respond to that. What the world saw was a measured and calculated reply to the supporters and the perpetrators of the attack on New York and Washington, and no one was either surprised or even that outraged, including Al Queda’s sympathisers. The dollar took a hit, but didn’t lose too much ground.

But then came Iraq, and the controversy surrounding all that, and the dollar was hit hard. The hits just keep coming and the dollar just keeps on falling, like a prizefighter with no one’s ear to bite on, it’s down on one knee and it seemingly just can’t get up.

Certainly, the cost of running two wars is taking its toll. Meanwhile, the euro keeps getting stronger, perhaps not quite as much as seems, but with the dollar falling like a rock the euro now stands supreme. One positive thing out of all this is that we haven’t heard a thing from the United States about its deficit for some time. That’s because I suspect that there is no deficit. Really, there should be a surplus, or would be if so much was not being spent on the wars. Goodness knows what would happen to the dollar if the Unites States is drawn into an armed conflict with Iran.

There is also another force acting upon the dollar to drag it down, and that is the currency speculators. That lot have been dumping the dollar to hold euros, and every time the dollar falls another notch, they rejoice.

Clearly, the dollar is headed for the psychological conversion rate of 1.50, meaning it will cost one dollar and fifty cents to buy one euro. That is making life in Europe miserable on the one hand, and a delight on the other. At even the current rate, America is on sale. Tourism to America is up. American exports are up, but Europe can’t sell much outside the zone, so what’s an European to do?

My guess is that there is a devaluation coming of the euro, and a significant one at that. If you’re holding euros and enjoying the ride, my guess is that you will wake up on a Monday morning to find that the euro has been devalued by thirty or forty percent. So when to sell and take your profit?

Sometimes, Greed may actually be good. At other times, greed can make one choke.

Which will it be in your case, Mr. Speculator?

Copyright © 2007 Eugene carmichael

Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Wisest Woman there ever Was?















(Couple shown are models)






The husband of the above-mentioned Wise Woman told this story to me, and it left a lasting impression on me for both its message and the pride with which it was told. In more or less his own words:

“ I married my high school sweetheart when I was 19. She was the only girl with whom I had ever had sex, so I was quite inexperienced, and very curious about other women. However, I did take the marriage seriously and we got on with raising a family.

“I worked as a waiter in the hotel industry. I worked partly during the day as well at night, and I was meeting a lot of unattached women who were at play. Usually after work in the evening I went along with the guys for a drink.

“One night I met this girl from Boston who was apparently having a good time and very much in the mood. She was too much of a temptation, so she and I went round the back of the building and got it on, hot and heavy. I felt so guilty, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy it. I never saw her again.

“That night when I went home I worried that my wife would detect something, but she was asleep as usual, and after washing I went to bed. After my morning shift I had lunch at home as though nothing at all had happened. I thought I was in the clear. I went into the bedroom to change my clothes and my wife came in after me, pulled the curtains and started getting undressed as well.

“Come lie down on the bed, Honey, rest a while. So I did as I was told. We made love with a passion that had been missing since the early years, and afterward, while she lay in my arms, she whispered these most terrifying words in my ear.

“Honey, I believe that last night you had sex with another woman. I could smell her perfume on you, also you had the smell of a woman’s special scent when you came to bed. You don’t have to say anything. I don’t need to hear you deny it to save my feelings. A woman just knows. The thing is that if you feel you have to go outside our marriage to get sex, I feel that’s my fault. I am obviously not taking proper care of you. Now, we can’t have you running around to other women for something that’s my responsibility, so I will make sure that you get all the sex you want, right here at home. Anytime of day or night, I’m here for you.”

“That was about 1pm. At five o’clock, just before I went to work she was ready, and insistent again. After work I went straight home as I was dead tired. She was waiting up for me. We had a drink, she was very soft and cuddly, and as we slipped into bed she said she was there for me if I wanted. Well, I didn’t want! She let me go to sleep in her embrace.

“ After that, she combined loving attention and kindness on me, together with genuine warmth and the care of a woman who was concerned about holding her family together. She wasn’t so forceful or aggressive about the sex thing as to disgust me, but I must admit that there came a time when I would not have minded if I never had sex ever again. She wasn’t careless as to my needs. Got a fantasy, big boy? Want to try something new? I’m with you baby, all the way.

“I ‘m telling you that not only do I love my wife, and appreciate her, but I also respect her intelligence, especially in the way that she handled a difficult situation. I can’t think of any other woman who would have handled the situation so well. In fact, in most cases an indiscretion like mine might have led to the break-up of the marriage. “

I was talking to a mutual friend and the name of our hero came up. My friend had been told the same story. In fact, the couple recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, and the man had actually told the story to the astonished reporter who asked, “To what do you owe the longevity of your marriage?”

I find this an inspiring tale in an era when marriages collapse with such monotonous regularity, some being so brief that the couple fight over custody of the wedding cake.

The Wisest Woman who ever there Was? You bet!






Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, October 21, 2007

What do People Want?












This is a most intriguing question. There was a time when the answer would have been relatively simple, but in this, the age of the Internet, things have become quite a bit complicated.

It began with the “Personals” columns. People who simply could not find a friend any other way advertised that they would like to meet someone of similar interests in the hope of forming a friendship and some company. These were all very above-board, and they continue in this vein. No doubt that many people have found company and friendship, and even more. Trying to meet other people, short of joining all sorts of clubs, through newspaper and Internet dating clubs is a fairly efficient way to go.

No problems in this regards, except one still has to be careful when meeting the person behind the other ad.

What is taking my attention are those other and alternative lifestyles that get advertised along with the standards. It is here where I sit up and take notice of the desires of some very brave folk. Here are some examples:

- There are girls who are looking for female lovers, and boys who are looking for male lovers. Nothing especially noteworthy there.
- A married couple, ages 30 and 34, are looking for a bisexual woman to join them in their bed;
- A man, aged 40 years, is seeking a couple of ladies between the ages of 35 to 40, to join him in his bed. (Does he realize how much work that is?)
- A couple, ages 39 and 40 are looking for another couple about the same ages to love each other, sporadically;
- A 28 year-old female is looking for a married couple into whose home she seeks to move into for bisexual relations. (How long do we think it will take her to force the wife out?)
- A very common quest is for married couples seeking other married couples to share their sexual lives with. It seems to me that they should join one of the many Swinging Clubs that are popping up. Perhaps this is how so many clubs get started. Men, know one thing: if you can somehow find a way to put the suggestion to your wife that you and she should become swingers, if she agrees it will not be for your sake.
- The one that takes the prize is the advertisement from a middle age lady who is seeking the company of a small group of male friends, at least three at a time. She guarantees a good time will be had by all, and as well she considers that she pays well. (Crumbs! I wonder how large her mailbag is?).

So, what a brave new world it is in which we live. What will life be like 100 years from now?


Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Prostitutes are People Too!







I want to tell this story because it involves people who are, for the most part invisible. They stand around posing and encouraging men to buy their wares, but in doing so they are an embarrassment to the average person, men included.

So, we turn our heads away, or otherwise avert our eyes. But these are people who mostly find themselves in dire straits and they do what they do to survive. They find nothing whatsoever enjoyable about their profession, and they absolutely despise the men who use them, while at the same time they are grateful for the support.

My experience with prostitutes is most unusual, and is a story, I think, well worth telling because it does provide a certain insight that is rare.

While away from home I began taking my evening meals at a pub that was located in a certain commercial centre. To get there I passed through a roundabout that was used by a group of ladies of the night. From where they stood they could see where I parked my car.

The first couple of nights of my passing brought much friendly greetings, but on the third night, just as I was finishing my meal, another one of the regulars came in and said that my friends were waiting for me at the car, and they seemed to be upset. Of course I was mystified, and on investigating we found that most of the girls had been battered and bloodied. Apparently a group of men had posed as customers and when they had gone off in the bush they beat and robbed the girls.

Now they were calling on the one person who they thought would be helpful. “Please mister, all we want to do is go home. Please, can you drive us home?” A voice in my head said you need to walk away from this, but I agreed to help as it seemed to be the decent thing to do.

By this time a small crowd had gathered and some of the women patrons took the girls who were in the worst way to the washroom and tidied them up. One of the girls had suffered a direct blow to the eye that was swollen into a ball, and others were bleeding from swollen and cut lips.

They all piled into my seven-seater and away we went. It was while I was underway that it occurred to me that here I was with a car full of prostitutes. What policeman would believe that I was not their pimp. This might have truly been an example of “no good deed going unpunished.”

We arrived at their destination without incident and they all said thank you and retreated into an apartment building, except my front seat passenger. She said her name was Bunny, and she had not been beaten. I suppose she concluded that so it shouldn’t be a complete loss she would try to drum up some business with me.

I told her, Thanks, but no thanks! However, she pressed me. “Why you don’t stop for us? Why you don’t give us some business, you nice man, we like to do business with you!”

I replied that it was just not my thing. “Oh! You gay man?” “No, I’m not gay.” I explained that I was distressed to see the girls who had made it all the way to Spain being engaged in the same activity that so many left behind in their own country. “You have come here for a better life and you are here on the street selling your humanity in this way, and it really does get to me. Under no circumstances could I enjoy a sexual encounter with someone who does that sort of thing against their will.”

“But why should you care? You are not responsible for me. My problems are my own!”

“ I care because you are a human being with the right to dignity and self esteem. I care because prostitutes are women and people too, and I have my own conscience to contend with. I just could not bring myself to take advantage of you in that way. I have too much respect for you.”

Bunny began to cry and it grew into a deep, agony filled, free-flow, rocking backwards and forwards wail. In between her sobs she blurted that I was the very first person in her entire life who saw her as a human being, and that included her own family who sent her out on to the streets when she was a mere twelve years old to bring some money home.

Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Friday, October 5, 2007

e-commerce, You & Me







Lately, I have been investigating the wonderful world of e-commerce. I was compelled into doing so because I came across an offer from a young man called Jon Davies who offered me the opportunity of giving away his ebook, "Income4Beginners," with the promise that I might make $40 each time I did. Jon has a fully automated website up in which he discusses the merits of e-commerce in a free ebook, and he also promotes a product package, the fundamentals of what you need to know to pursue an on-line income, which is, of course, the Holy Grail. Wouldn't we all like to earn money while we sleep?


It's the product package that is for sale for $40.00 that could make me that afore-mentioned income, just for giving away the free ebook to anyone who will accept it. If the person to whom I give the ebook simply reads it and does not go on to buy the product package, then that's the end of it. However, the product package is good solid stuff, as I can testify to that as I read through it. I am finding it quite helpful.




The part that is difficult to believe is that Jon offers to replace his purchase button, putting my name in his place. The customer buys the package and I get the money. Jon gets no part of that transaction. He says he is doing it because he wants to establish his name as the most well known on the internet as a nice guy.


Well, I'm sure that's partly true. But that's not the only reason he's doing it. However, when you "sell" the product the money does come to you. That much is true and correct. And the information that the customer gets is quite extraordinary: You get 18 ebooks on how to build an internet business, plus various software. This is not cutting edge stuff, but good basic knowledge. He also follows up with helpful advice in marketing.




The problem here is that most folks are put off because they cannot figure out what his ulterior motives are. Why he doesn't just come right out and tell us, I don't know, because they are really not bad.

This is what is simply known as Virual Marketing: How to get your website in fron t of as many people on the Web in the shortest amount of time.


What is happening here is simply a form of traffic generation. On the Internet, you could have the best idea since sliced bread, and a beautifully designed website to explain it, but in the very crowded marketplace that is the Internet, if you don't work out a way to get traffic to come to your website, yours will be the best kept secret in the world.




Same for convential business: unless you get people passing your shop, and coming into your shop your sales will be zero. So, what Jon is doing is having people like me find people to put his website in front of, and on the website, there are other sales opportunities for which he gets the income. For doing that, my "commission" is the $40.00 That seems perfectly fair to me.




There are so many people hawking ideas on the Internet that suggests that you can make a massive amount of income in "fifteen minutes." What nonsense! These people are not being honest with you, and if they would lie right from the start I don't think you have the foundation to ever believe anything they say. Here's the basic premise, and it applies to all forms of commerce: one party has to have a product or service that members of the public want and/or need, and they, the public must be willing to purchase said product or service from you, and to pay you good money for it.




Unless you find a niche market and can make yourself known to them, nothing is going to happen. Herein lies the rub. The e-commerce field is the most crowded of all. Everybody is trying to sell something. That there are success stories aplenty is not in dispute, but like any business it takes time to establish yourself. You also need to do the leg work; to put in the necessary preparation, planning, and to sweat the details.




One of the most successful e-commerce sites is, of course Ebay. But it didn't happen overnight for them, and its not going to go ballistic for you, at least not right away. So, if you are a Newbie and you've wondered what this is all about, dial up my website and go have a peek. I'm at


http://ewc-creativesolutions.com/ Let me know what you think of my website, and if you have any questions you can come back to me at eugene.spain@gmail.com and we'll work on it together.




Good Luck!




Sunday, September 30, 2007

Who Giveth this Man to this Woman?



Is this a ridiculous title for this posting?

The trouble with Custom and Tradition is that we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again without anyone even questioning whether it is right or wrong. We simply go along with the crowd. When the occasional person comes along and wants to do things differently, we all say in unison, “You can’t do that. It goes against Tradition!”

This is really more about the tradition of expecting the bride to change her surname, rather than the act of someone, usually her father, “giving” his daughter to another.

It was only until I came here to Spain that I began to notice the things that are different between this culture and the one that I am accustomed to. Most notably is the custom whereby in marriage the bride does not take the surname of the groom.

I once attended a wedding in my country in which the bride kept her name intact. She did not change her surname to his, nor did she add his surname to hers. It was topic A, while we drank their champagne and ate their cake. We huddled in little bands and predicted that this one would surely not last. She won’t even take his name. She is definitely not committed.

Let’s consider for a minute what would be involved if we men changed our surname when we wed. I know, it’s ridiculous, but humour me, please.

So, let’s see, we have gone through the ceremony and now we sign the wedding register with our brand-new surname. First we have to get used to responding to being called Mr. Something else than what we have known all our lives, up until this point. Secondly, we have to remember to sign correctly, and perhaps get used to the spelling.

Now comes the hard part: Where do we start to change our name on all those legal documents. I suppose we might go along to the bank with a copy of our marriage certificate and change our name on all of our bank accounts, including investments, mortgages, safety deposit account, cheques, credit and debit cards, etc. Have you ever tried to simply change your address on all of your accounts at the bank? I moved three years ago and for some obscure reason I had to write to the managing director to get the various departments to make the change. Periodically the address on one or another of my accounts will revert to the original.

Got life insurance, or insurance on this and that? Those are legal documents and they all have to be changed. Don’t forget your driving license. Be sure to set aside the day that is necessary to deal with Trafico.

Don’t forget the Post office, the utilities, your voter registration, your medical records, and last, but certainly not least, your Will.

Probably the easiest part is to get friends and family to use your new surname, if they remember what it is or can properly spell it. Then you have to get your employer to change all his records; all your charge accounts have to be changed. Man! This is hard work! Is it really necessary?

Where does this practice come from? In patriarchal societies it was a form of branding. This is my wife, my chattel. It has been sustained through common usage for the sake of uniformity. In my country all people named Carmichael are identified as one family. It has also been used to get rid of an unfortunate surname. I once knew a young girl by the name of Susan Death. It was pronounced Dee-ath, but that didn’t fool too many people. She couldn’t wait to get married to get rid of that last name.

After you’ve done all that, there is the disturbing prospect of becoming one of the unhappy statistics joining the divorce march. Can you imagine? No wonder women get so mad at their former partners. I would be mad too!

Then we have the ancient practise of the giving away of the bride to the groom. I do not take a hard and firm position on this, although it does seem to be a little outdated in these modern times. However, families seem to feel that there is an integral place for this involvement, and there are sometimes nice little twists like both parents giving the bride away, or both sets of parents giving their offspring to their chosen life partners.

I suppose it can be said that it does underscore the milestone when children cross over the line definitely into a life of their own. However, when both bride and groom are presented to each other would seem to be a little more politically correct and in tune with modern times.



Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, September 23, 2007

O J Simpson, or America the Polarised










By comparison with Europe, America is a very young country, and it has a whole lot of growing up to do. Of the most important nations, it is perhaps the most divided, both along political and racial lines. Generally, things are seen through the prisms of the Democrat or Republican eyes. Trying to get a straight answer on the facts is almost impossible.

The other polarisation is along racial lines. America is racially split among White, and Others. That tension is always there and comes rushing to the surface at the mere drop of the proverbial hat.

The thing that has prompted this topic from me at this time is the arrest of O.J. Simpson. For those of you who have been away on an extended visit to the moon, Mr. Simpson is a former NFL football star. He is most infamous, however in that he was charged with the murder of his ex-wife, and a man who had the bad fortune to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he was controversially found not guilty.

The circumstances of the case were so super-charged with tension that the case would most likely have earned the title of “The Trial of the Century” anyway. However, add the elements of murder victims who were white, and accused who is black, wealthy, and a movie super star, and the script was a guaranteed best seller

The jury in the criminal case acquitted Mr. Simpson because they were convinced one of the detectives manipulated the evidence against the accused, and therefore they felt that it was unsafe to convict where there was such indication of tampering. They used the time honoured directive that it is better that a guilty man be set free than to convict an innocent man where there is convincing evidence of illegal manipulation.

Vocal black people in the United States went out of their minds with joy that a black defendant in a case involving white victims was set free. Usually the black man is put to death. White people throughout the country reacted in utter astonishment, then in rage of the injustice, because the only reasonable doubt that they saw was that anyone other than O J Simpson did the crimes.

The interesting thing is that up until that time White America had taken O J within its bosom. He was this fantastic football player, and movie star, and that was cool. He married a beautiful white woman, and that was cool. He belonged to white clubs, and went everywhere in a circle of white friends, and that was cool.

When trouble came, and most of White America turned their backs on O J, the black community felt the need to formally conduct an event whereby O J was welcomed back into the Black American community as “our prodigal Son.”

In a civil case he was found to be liable and a judgement was handed down for compensation of Thirty-Three Million Dollars against him. So far, he has not voluntarily paid one cent towards satisfying that debt. In fact, he has lived quite well. (He also has the worst golf swing that I have ever seen!)

White America wants O J in jail. Now he seems to have gone out of his way to give the people what they want. He has been involved in an armed robbery, being concerned together with others, and has been charged with eleven counts in connection with that incident. The Media have been falling over themselves talking about this one man, sometimes to the absolute exclusion of real news, and this has been going on for almost two weeks. The program hosts have not even made any attempt to cover up their own personal views against him. How unprofessional is that? Fair and balanced? I don’t think so! They claim, “We report, you decide.” Not any more!

Incredibly, with practically a confession by O J made before the cameras of his involvement and wrongdoing, many vocal Black Americans are now saying that they think he’s innocent of this incident as well. Equally, many non-vocal Black Americans have no problem accepting that he is guilty of the murders and this latest incident.

My prediction: O J Simpson will be found not guilty in a court of law, if the case does actually make it that far. This is a case with an all-crooks cast and no-one is to be believed.

I cannot even begin to imagine the fiesta-like celebrations that will take place across America in certain quarters, and the utter disillusionment in others. I would also like to hear and see what the media will have to say.


Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, September 16, 2007

MISSING MADDIE!








So much has been written about the missing child, Madeline McCann, I cannot resist adding my own two cents. Everyone has an opinion.

Firstly, I highlight the conduct of the Press. I bought the Daily Mail because of the blaring headline :” Maddie killed by Sleeping Tablets.” Well, that is how newspapers are sold. They added in much smaller print, “a new extraordinary claim.” The deliberate impression given to passing members of the public is that they are announcing fact, when it was really only theory. So yes, I was suckered into buying the paper.

The media has been so supportive of the family, but now they seem to be rounding upon them and ready to believe that they have harmed their own child. This is the classic rush by the herd to judgement.

The facts as we know them are as follows: (a) The McCanns´ as a family of five, left their home in England and went to Portugal on holiday to take up temporary residence in a holiday flat.

(b) The parents met with friends in a restaurant a little way down the road from their apartment on the fateful night in question.

© They left their children sleeping alone without the benefit of a babysitter.

Here, the question arises did they leave two or three of their children. No member of the public, or, apparently the police actually have proof of the answer to this question.

(d) During this evening the mother declared that Maddie was missing.


(e) The family that went out as five have returned to the home in England as four.


Those are the only facts in the public domain. All else is speculation and rumour, and nobody actually knows anything.

I have had a problem with this entire case from the very beginning, because I do not believe in coincidence. I would like the answer(s) to the following question: Using mathematical probability, I would like to know what are the chances that the family, who left their habitual home in England, where the children spent most of their time, to go on holiday in Portugal, (where presumably they were not so well known), and on the one night that the parents left their children on their own, that a stranger would come and take one of them.

We can be reasonably certain that the police have consulted the odds-makers. It was most probably the opinions from these people that caused the police to take up “discreet observation” of the couple, and that would likely have included specialists in reading body language.

My strongest opinion at this time is regarding something that the parents are quoted as having said: “We thought we were being reliable and responsible.” This is supposed to have been said by two practising physicians in whom members of the public place their faith, and rely on their judgements.

Many, if not most parents of very young children do not go out and leave the children home alone. Many, if not most parents of very young children install a listening monitor in their children’s bedroom while the parents are in the next room. That, in my opinion, is being reliable and responsible!

Well, they do admit to their mis-judgement, and so we move on.

I choose not to rush to judgement. I simply do not know what happened, like everybody else in the world except (as has been suggested) the McCanns’ themselves; or as they say, the person who took Maddie. In the fullness of time this will play itself out.

If the McCann’s harmed their own daughter they will have to live with that. If someone else has harmed her, the McCanns’ will have to live with that.

What could be worse than having your child suddenly go missing in the still of the night? Being brought under suspicion yourself of having caused the disappearance. How bad can this nightmare for the family get? It is far from over, I’m afraid.

The best outcome would be for little Madeline to be found alive and well. I would especially like to see that happen for many reasons, including the look on the faces of all those who have been so quick to say that they know what happened. One of the most important reasons would be that the McCanns’ have been so successful in enlisting the financial ,and other help of so many people in keeping the matter in the public eye. Should it all turn out to be a scam, the next time that someone’s child goes missing members of the public will quite naturally be sceptical, and that would be the most tragic outcome of all.


Meanwhile, I will continue to be vigilant and hopeful.

Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Divorce-Property Settlements:50% Always Fair?




As I write this the battle rages on between the businessman and his ex-wife, the magistrate. At a particular point in time he was said to be worth One Hundred and Thirty-One Million Pounds. He wants her to have Twenty Million Pounds in a full and final settlement. He says that is more than enough for her to live on for the rest of her life. The interest alone would bring in about Five hundred Thousand Pounds a year.

She wants Forty-Eight Million Pounds. She feels she is worth it. “We’re equals” she insists. So why is she not demanding Sixty-Five million, Five-Hundred Thousand? And why is that amount not enough for him to live on? Meanwhile, the press is asking whether any wife could possibly be worth that much money. They seem to have completely overlooked the judgement in the late Anna Nicole Smith’s favour of $475 million from the estate of her deceased husband.

Granted, that is a somewhat different circumstance, being the probate of a Will, but if a wife can be worth half of her husband’s estate in the event of his death, then why not in the event of divorce?

The principal difference is one of the lack of goodwill, or more specifically, the presence of complicating factors such as who did what that brought about the divorce.

The American comedian, Eddie Murphy, did a whole routine around the theme of “Fifty-Percent!” He asked the question, how does a person, who never actually worked in the business to produce the fortune justify their demands for half of it in the event of the marriage breakdown? Another US comedian, Richard Pryor, when confronted by his wife’s demands for half, said, “woman, you have never ever told a joke, except this one!”

What about the man who has been married three times? How many halves are there!

Eddie Murphy’s logic went along these lines: If a woman is the wife of a mega rich man, what does she actually have to do to support him. She does not have to wash the dishes, clean the house or be concerned about the laundry. She does not have to make the school run, she has a chauffeur to do that and other people to do everything else.


A man can get to be the head of a successful business group without the absolute need for a wife. However, if he had a wife who put him through higher learning that led to his success, we now have a basis upon which to begin working toward a sensible formula for the distribution of assets in that specific case.

It is noteworthy that this type of problem is only important in those cases where a lot of assets are concerned. At the lower end where the only thing of value that the couple has is the house, the courts do not seem to have any difficulty in awarding the entire house to the wife, especially if there are children.

In the case of the businessman and his magistrate wife, he says that he didn’t even begin to make strides in his business until after the subsistence of the marriage was over. He stayed to keep the family unit intact because of the children. His point being that his wife’s claim that she helped him to succeed is false, as he asserts that he succeeded in spite of her. But the difference between what he wants her to have and what she wants, he has earned many times over in the meantime.

At the end of the day, “A man who dies rich, dies disgraced”.(Andrew Carnegie, 1889)

Coming right on the heels of this case is another bitter contest involving the singer and the lady whom his friends warned him about. He listened only to his heart and now he wished he had been wiser. But what’s a fella to do? If you have loads of money and a grand country pile you do need someone to help keep you warm at night. Wherever lots of money is involved things have a nasty habit of getting very complicated.

I think that when the split comes it’s all about providing the other person with the means to maintain their lifestyle in the manner to which they have become accustomed as a result of your largesse and efforts. It’s not a question of how does a person get to be worth the amount. You as the purse-holder conferred that right and value upon them.

This formula works both ways, regardless of who holds the purse strings. It is the curse of the rich that unless they associate only with those as wealthy as themselves, if they invite in an outsider of lesser means they may have to pay to be rid of their unwanted appendage.

Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, September 2, 2007

LOVE SCAMS








I was contacted by a family member who is being driven crazy by their elderly and very lonely father who is being scammed by someone who says that she is lonely and in the same boat as he. The story so far is that he went on-line to find a soul mate following his wife’s death, and was immediately contacted by someone who says that she is a widow.

She lives in Africa but would dearly love to move to the West, but her husband left her deeply in debt. She would love to come to him as soon as she can clear away what is owed. He is besotted with her and has been sending her large sums of money. Someone, who was concerned for his welfare alerted his daughter, and now it has become a family nightmare.

No doubt there are a great number of success stories of genuine love found on the Internet. But I am equally certain that one has to be super cautious, even more so than when meeting a complete stranger in person.

Fundamentally, something is wrong when someone you have never met in person is asking you for money. That sends up very big red flags. Should it happen to you, the proper thing to do is at least discuss it with someone whose judgement you trust.

Although no one is safe from the scammers, I’m particularly concerned about the most vulnerable, the elderly. The professionals know exactly the signs to look for and to exploit. Such people are on their own, their families are getting on with their own lives, and even those who have the benefit of living with sons or daughters are still at risk, because this part of their lives are private. Children cannot help, other than to arrange meetings between people locally, if that is possible.

The modus operandi of the scammer is to get a dialogue going and to turn up the heat. When the mark is expressing undying love then they move to spring the trap, gently at first, but their script is pure theatre, and they won’t stop until they have bled their mark absolutely dry.

Here are some of the classics:
· The actor (for that is what they are), says that they have traveller’s cheques but no bank account. Could you please cash these and send them the money. The cheques will be forgeries, but of a very high quality. Once you cash them and send the money it will be from your bank account that restitution will be made to the bank.
· They will find themselves in some kind of difficulty requiring an urgent infusion of funds, and they cannot think of any other source of help than you. Please wire the funds immediately or the most dire consequences will happen to them.
· Even where you travel to meet with your on-line lover who is in some far off land, and you become engaged to her with the intention of bringing her to be with you, if she is asking you for money she will most probably have a whole string of men to whom she is doing the same thing.
· Younger men, or people who say they are younger prey mercilessly on older women whom they hope have money. They send all sorts of pictures of their tanned bodies that are not even their own. Because of the mix of emotions with common sense, often emotions win out. People really do suspect that they are being scammed, but they need to hear the words spoken that make them feel good.
· It is a fact that absolutely anyone can be conned, even people who are savvy and who should know better. However, if they are caught in a weak moment when they are vulnerable they can be sucked in just like the rest of us. Keeping this in mind you should know that it is no shame if you become an unwitting victim. Do yourself a favour and use your commonsense and cut your losses short. Trust your instincts.

The profile of a scammer is that of a sociopath, someone who is entirely anti-social. Both men and women can fall into this category, and they are utterly heartless. Half of the conning is for fun, because they can do it. They love the manipulation, and the grander the scheme the better.

Best advice, if you’ve gone on-line seeking romance and the person purporting to love you starts asking for money, know this, they are probably out to break your heart and your bank account. Beware!


Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Who Giveth this Man?




The trouble with Custom and Tradition is that we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again without anyone even questioning whether it is right or wrong. We simply go along with the crowd. When the occasional person comes along and wants to do things differently, we all say in unison, “You can’t do that. It goes against Tradition!”

This is really more about the tradition of expecting the bride to change her surname, rather than the act of someone, usually her father, “giving” his daughter to another.

It was only until I came here to Spain that I began to notice the things that are different between this culture and the one that I am accustomed to. Most notably is the custom whereby in marriage the bride does not take the surname of the groom.

I once attended a wedding in my country in which the bride kept her name intact. She did not change her surname to his, nor did she add his surname to hers. It was topic A, while we drank their champagne and ate their cake. We huddled in little bands and predicted that this one would surely not last. She won’t even take his name. She is definitely not committed.

Let’s consider for a minute what would be involved if we men changed our surname when we wed. I know, it’s ridiculous, but humour me, please.

So, let’s see, we have gone through the ceremony and now we sign the wedding register with our brand-new surname. First we have to get used to responding to being called Mr. Something else than what we have known all our lives, up until this point. Secondly, we have to remember to sign correctly, and perhaps get used to the spelling.

Now comes the hard part: Where do we start to change our name on all those legal documents. I suppose we might go along to the bank with a copy of our marriage certificate and change our name on all of our bank accounts, including investments, mortgages, safety deposit account, cheques, credit and debit cards, etc. Have you ever tried to simply change your address on all of your accounts at the bank? I moved three years ago and for some obscure reason I had to write to the managing director to get the various departments to make the change. Periodically the address on one or another of my accounts will revert to the original.

Got life insurance, or insurance on this and that? Those are legal documents and they all have to be changed. Don’t forget your driving license. Be sure to set aside the day that is necessary to deal with Trafico.

Don’t forget the Post office, the utilities, your voter registration, your medical records, and last, but certainly not least, your Will.

Probably the easiest part is to get friends and family to use your new surname, if they remember what it is or can properly spell it. Then you have to get your employer to change all his records; all your charge accounts have to be changed. Man! This is hard work! Is it really necessary?

Where does this practice come from? In patriarchal societies it was a form of branding. This is my wife, my chattel. It has been sustained through common usage for the sake of uniformity. In my country all people named Carmichael are identified as one family. It has also been used to get rid of an unfortunate surname. I once knew a young girl by the name of Susan Death. It was pronounced Dee-ath, but that didn’t fool too many people. She couldn’t wait to get married to get rid of that last name.

After you’ve done all that, there is the disturbing prospect of becoming one of the unhappy statistics joining the divorce march. Can you imagine? No wonder women get so mad at their former partners. I would be mad too!

Then we have the ancient practise of the giving away of the bride to the groom. I do not take a hard and firm position on this, although it does seem to be a little outdated in these modern times. However, families seem to feel that there is an integral place for this involvement, and there are sometimes nice little twists like both parents giving the bride away, or both sets of parents giving their offspring to their chosen life partners.

I suppose it can be said that it does underscore the milestone when children cross over the line definitely into a life of their own. However, when both bride and groom are presented to each other would seem to be a little more politically correct and in tune with modern times.



Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Sunday, August 19, 2007

CHRONICLES OF RAPE-SURVIVOR'S STORIES





What I have Learned (VI)

The premise: That no man of good conscience would willingly and recklessly force himself upon another person for reasons of sex, power or control. This series is intended to raise awareness and sensitivity.

From responses received from rape survivors and from other related readings, and from personal interviews conducted with persons who hold strong views, I have learned the following things, among others:

Rape, when deliberately committed, is the most heinous of crimes against a person.

That the vast majority of rapes that occur could have been/can be prevented. I want to be careful not to give the impression of blaming the victim. Rape can never be justified under any circumstances. However, the first person responsible for personal safety is the individual. Date rape, in many cases could have been avoided by simply not inviting the date in “for coffee.” If however, you would really like to do that as a gracious social thing, lay down the ground rules outside the door. You also have to know whether he can be trusted to act accordingly. Silence is too easy to be misinterpreted, and she can be sure that he is thinking about sex.
Travelling in pairs reduces the chance of a woman on her own being stalked and attacked.

Many women have no real concept of how a man is wired. To our own annoyance sex is always on our minds. Comparison with the animal kingdom would place man alongside the lion. We would be perfectly happy leading that sort of existence. Therefore, we need clear signals and help from women. You need to know that a man is never happy with “just a cuddle.”

The vast majority of men are truly decent people who would not hurt a woman. Even in the face of flagrant temptation we are able to exercise self-control. Also, most decent men despise the rapist as a weakling and a disgrace to our side.

Women who frequent discos are at high risk. Trust No One! Better to have a (soft) drink from a bottle that you hold in your hand at all times, and if you have to leave it for a bathroom break, start with a fresh one on your return. There are predators about and you relax your vigilance at your own peril. Drinking alcohol is the first thing that you perhaps should not do in such settings.
A woman has the absolute right to dress as she pleases within the legal definition of decency. However, to dress to provoke a stalker is hardly in your interest. Use common sense.

A man is in a much better position if he can successfully invite his date to his apartment, preferably with her overnight bag. This shows intent on her part, and his, and gives clear signals to both.

Men have to know that there is a class of female that is hostile to us, or at least who have a very low threshold of tolerance. Beware! Make very sure that your attention is welcome and appreciated. Take nothing for granted!

Men must also be aware that some women will purposely be vague, and then turn manipulative when he is at his most vulnerable.

Men must learn that the word NO! or STOP means just that. Take it at face value without trying to interpret it to mean something else.

A manufacturer has come up with something for women in doubtful situations. It’s called Rapex, the anti-rape condom, the most diabolical thing I’ve ever heard of, but it may just be what you need.

There is practically no substitute in life for a warm and loving relationship between two people. When I hear someone say of another that I love him or her more today, after 50 years together than when we first met, I get a very mushy feeling of envy for them. .

However, it takes all kinds of people to populate our world, and some of them are not very nice. It’s all a matter of a delicate balance of beauty and ugliness, kindness versus unkindness, caring and selfishness, tenderness and brutality, and of people who can be trusted absolutely versus those who can’t.

As a female you are one of God’s most special creations. You are marvellous to be with, and you fulfil the pivotal role of propagating the species, (after we men have done our little bit). Your security is a matter of constant concern, so perhaps you should take the advice of one of my contributors and have your home security assessed by a professional. You are entitled to be safe and secure at least in your own home.

Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael