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Sunday, September 20, 2009

Double Standards

Men Behaving like Men



My friend, Joanna Cruickshank, writing in her weekly column “An English Girl in Spain” for The Costa Blanca News, raised the question in a recent edition of why should there be such double standards between how men can behave and be considered perfectly normal, and how such behaviour by a woman would be looked down upon by society. It’s just not fair, she suggests. I agree with her completely, and I wondered how society can entertain such thinking in these modern times.

Firstly, let’s consider my own stance on this topic: am I one of the guilty parties who has ever practised the double standard?

The answer, if I am absolutely truthful, is yes! Now, having admitted that I feel absolutely naked. Perhaps I had better explain: I have not actually been aware of how my thought patterns have worked. It’s only because the article was suddenly in my face that I examined my feelings and have come to this admission.

The fundamental reason for the Double Standard is because of the place we hold women in our society. Every mother is a woman, and that alone places her on a pedestal, whether she wants to be there or not. Also, there are other major differences in the way that women see themselves, and especially in the way that men see women. I can only comment from a man’s point of view, and historically this is the way I see things:

I have to admit that I bought a Playboy Magazine from the very first edition, and that I have helped to make the magazine a success down through the years. I can also say the same of Penthouse Magazine. I should add that over time, in my mind, the flesh, that was is in the forefront, traded places with the articles, although I don’t expect any of the ladies to believe me. However, it’s just amazing what a person can grow weary of.

I mention this because I was thinking recently that it’s a shame that our freedoms gave vent to this type of publication. For men of my generation we grew up holding girls and women in a very high and mysterious place. Our sexual couplings always took place with the lights out and eyes firmly shut. That mindset continues in the Islamic and Arab worlds where women are required to keep covered up by at least covering her hair or covering up completely.

I think Western men definitely lost something at the same time as the Playmate of the Month showed us what she had for breakfast. We lost the exciting sense of mystique and some respect. However, throughout the period of transparency and even women’s march to obtain greater freedoms, women have not entirely lost their special place in our minds. There are some things that a woman should never do. Women should never be hooligans, or yobs. They should not be gangsters or break-in thieves, nor should they be contract killers or boxers. There is someting even uncomfortable about women in the armed forces.

Perhaps it’s a big surprise, from the standpoint of image, but women should not even smoke. Smoking does nothing to advance the social standing of a woman, in spite of the fact that many will say they are social smokers. No-one cares whether a man smokes or not. He does not have an image to uphold. At worst he is simply silly to do that to his health.

The children’s rhyme says it all. “Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice; boys are made from salt and snails and puppy dogs tails.”

Society does practise a double standard, and by society we mean both men and women. However, is this double standard all bad, or even good? We will never have a consensus on this question as we all have our own attitudes and turf to protect, so I won’t even try to find common ground. Except to say that when we frown upon certain acts taken by women that we might accept on the part of men, we are probably doing so out of our natural respect and desire to elevate the woman. This need not be a bad thing.

Now, having said that we have to reconcile it with the modern attitude to equality. Clearly, under that doctrine a woman can do whatever she wishes, within the law, but that does not mean she will always be praised or respected. It only means that we the public will be confused.

Copyright © 2009 Eugene Carmichael