An Intimate Discussion about a very Personal Subject
In the process of making love, there is a step that is called Foreplay. For we guys, we know when we are into this step because for so many of us this is the part where we try to get through it as fast as possible. In this phase we are supposed to concentrate solely on our woman’s pleasure. It’s supposed to get her into the mood so we usually think its best not to skip it entirely.
But here’s a suggestion: I know its radical, but what if instead of making it a part of the scenery on the way, we made it the destination. What might happen if we spent all our time and energy focussed entirely on our love interest’s pleasure, putting our own needs on the back burner? For one thing, our lovemaking sessions would certainly last longer than five minutes.
It’s a man thing to be single minded and goal-oriented. We focus on our own climax, and like a horse with blinders on, we gallop on to the end, and then we fall asleep. When we awake we wonder why there is a disgusted look on our partner’s face. Sorry, but that’s the way we are wired to propagate the species, so it will take a deliberate turn away from the normal to follow my suggestion.
So far, I have been speaking to the male, and I have been making the assumption that this is a heterosexual couple. However, the same philosophy applies to all combinations, because it invites both partners to assume the same attitude of care. Here’s where it gets interesting. When you give you get, and the more you give, perhaps the more you get. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
I bring this up because one of the major problems of long-term relationships is boredom. To be more precise, the problem is the perception of boredom. We tend to think it’s the same old -same old. You’ve known each other since you were in high school, and there’s nothing new to be discovered about each other.
This must surely be incorrect because when the break-up comes and you each go off into the arms of someone new, you discover all sorts of exciting things about yourself. The fundamental flaw could be that we think in too narrow terms about each other, and fail to recognize that time changes us. Firstly, a wife is a whole person. A husband is a whole complicated person who hardly knows himself. Sure, our equipment doesn’t change that much, but it’s the same as everybody else’s’, more or less. I think that the key must surely be to keep an open mind and to trust one another. Accept that as we grow we will have fantasies, some of which might be worth acting out. To be able to do so within the secure and exclusive relationship that exists between the two of you would be a very special thing.
I’m not the expert. For that we need to turn to those couples celebrating their 50th and 60th wedding anniversary. How did they manage to make it to those milestones together? I suspect that somewhere along the way they discovered a formula something like that which is being recommended here. I may be making an over simplification, but it couldn’t hurt, could it?
As they used to say in the old TV commercial: “Try it, you’ll like it!”
Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael
