Gentlemen! If you absolutely must be unfaithful to your significant other, I seriously suggest that when you get caught (as you surely will) , that there is one thing to avoid saying at all costs: that is, “it didn’t mean anything.” Firstly, it always means something, to you, because if it didn’t mean anything you would not have done it; and, secondly it certainly means a lot to your other half. In fact, by having said that she may decide to show you just what it does mean.
Tell her you have been very stupid; or greedy, or weak, or you don’t know what the hell you were thinking. Tell her anything other than that you hold her in such low esteem that you have been unfaithful with a person who means absolutely nothing to you, and that the act itself had no value at all.
How small and insignificant do you want her to feel? A woman could better understand it if she had refused you her sexual favours and you turned to a prostitute for relief. After all, that’s a simple commercial transaction with no emotional involvement. The prostitute has served her function in the same manner as any other professional who relieves the pain, suffering and discomfort of their clients. In fact, I believe that were it not for wives who give only the cold shoulder to their husbands, prostitutes would go out of business.
I cringe when I hear that some hapless guy who has been caught in the act says, “it’s not what it looks like,” or “it don’t mean nothing!” This is adding insult to injury, and your significant other will be fired up with anger mainly because you think they are stupid.
What is it about human nature that when we have it all together, finally, we insist on shooting ourselves in the foot. Is it because we think we don’t deserve to be happy? There are countless public examples of celebrities who have it all. They have arrived. They have the money, fame, adulation of an adoring public, a perfect picture postcard family, and then they go and do something so stupid the mind boggles. David Beckham comes immediately to mind.
I’m not a great football fan, but I didn’t have to follow football to admire the guy. Everything above the surface was going his way. The luckiest guy in the world! But, I can be such a cynic at times, so I quietly said “wait for it.” I didn’t have long to wait. “Beckham has affair with P.A.” came the headlines. Well, of course! What was Victoria thinking? To have abandoned her husband in Spain, and to have moved back to England because Spain smells of garlic? Vaya! Vaya! Vaya! But to her credit she has stood her ground and (seemingly) learnt a valuable lesson. If she doesn’t take care of her husband there are literally a trillion other women who will.
In order to get some perspective on this, let’s turn the tables. You have a beautiful wife whom you adore. You work hard thinking only of her. You love to give her stuff to make her happy. You have installed her in the house of her dreams, and you are careful to give copious amounts of quality time of yourself to your family. In other words, you have done everything by the book. You’re brilliant! Then one day you come home early and unexpectedly bearing flowers, and you walk in and she is doing "gardening exercises" with the gardener. She says that there is no emotional involvement. It’s not what it looks like, and it don’t mean nutting! She was just feeling the heat and he was nearby trimming the hedges. Awfully sorry!
No reason to disbelieve her. He can’t hold a candle to you. She won’t ever do it again.
How do you imagine you would feel?
Because of the way in which we men are wired, life can be so unfair. We are faced with temptation at every turn. We go weak in the knees at the sight of chantilly lace. Life’s like a buffet, especially here in Spain where women take the time to turn themselves out meticulously. Fortunately, women control the situation, so in most cases it’s a matter of, “down boy!”
Here’s one thing to keep in mind before you take that step into the world of the unfaithful: When you are found out the most important thing that it will mean is the loss of Trust. Once trust is gone, it is long gone. You might stay together until you’re both one hundred, however, I seriously doubt trust will ever be back! Is it worth it?
Coming: “Is there a legitimate place for infidelity in the modern marriage?” What do you think? E-mail it in to eugene.spain@gmail.com
Let’s Network guys!
Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael
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