God, in His, or more likely Her infinite Wisdom gave each and every child who has ever been born two parents, because it takes at least two parents to bring up a child in the way that he or she should go. The courts don’t seem to get it, and usually the bitter ex-wife certainly doesn’t get it. If you’ve disappointed her, she, in all her fury does not realise that she cannot hurt you without hurting her children. Naturally, it works the other way round, just in case you are contemplating harming her in some way. You cannot hurt her without hurting your children.
We have just entered into the realm of the dammed. This topic is huge and complex, yet at the same time it is so simple. My ex-wife broke it all down into its simplest form so that even I could understand it. This epiphany came after we had agreed to bury the hatchet, but not in each other’s backs.
This is what she said to me:
“Now look stupid, I know you think you’re something special, but in reality you are quite common. In fact, you’re as common as mud. The only thing, and I mean the ONLY thing that makes you special is that you are the biological father of two of the most precious girls to ever have been born into this miserable world. They need you, their father. I’m not sure why, but they do. So, I will not stand in their way to have access to their father. (I don’t know what the hell I ever saw in you in the first place.) So, you know where we live, get yourself round here particularly on special occasions, and several times a week and spend some quality time with your daughters.
I have a boyfriend. I’m telling you the same thing I told him. If you have a problem, Get over it! And one more thing, now that I have given you carte blanche to come and see your daughters, don’t, I repeat, DON’T you ever make me come and get you!”
To my credit I listened and took full advantage of the privilege and we were all the better off for it. When my oldest daughter asked for a set of drums for Christmas I bought them for her without consulting my ex-wife. She was not amused.
I have a deep and abiding respect for my ex-wife, who, sadly passed away due to illness at the tender age of 42. Too soon! Much too soon!
The all-too typical experience is one whereby the ex-wife poisons the minds of the children and turns them against their father. How can the children grow up to be well adjusted if they think they were born of one parent who is a swine?
Boys, in particular need careful handling through such tumultuous times. If a boy sees his father thrown out of the house, (and he won’t fully understand why) and then his mother takes up with a succession of “uncles” he may well form a very negative opinion of women in general. There may well be violence and mistrust in his dealings with women, formed because if his mother behaved like that, all women must be the same.
The common mistake and possibly deliberate misconception is that children don’t mean as much to fathers as they do to mothers. After all, so the argument goes, it was the mother who gave birth to them. Of course, so called “Dead-beat dads” do nothing to help the positive image of the family man. The truth of the matter is that there is absolutely nothing as precious or important as one’s offspring. If as men we don’t realise that when we are young, we will come to that realisation soon enough.
So fathers, if you are hamstrung by the courts and your ex from having free access to your children, sue, sue, and sue again, and keep the records intact. One day, when they out grow their mother’s influence, you will need to explain to your children why you were not there for them, and that’s when you produce the records that damn the courts and her. Your objective is not to turn them away from her, but you are facing the only jury that matters, and the verdict must go in your favour. Good luck!
Oh! There’s just one more thing. Are you sure that if you do get access to your children, will they actually want to see you?
Reader’s Concerns: Infidelity; and Does Infidelity have a legitimate role in modern Marriage?
Got a topic you want us to discuss. Care to give your input into the two above hot topics? E-mail it to eugene.spain@gmail.com
Copyright © 2006-2007 Eugene Carmichael
No comments:
Post a Comment