I had the inspiration to begin this series of columns based on what I was seeing in our everyday life. Divorce, sixty-five women killed by their partners in Spain last year; physical abuse seemingly on the rise, the sexual abuse of children, the large numbers of users who download pornographic materials of children, drunkenness and the spiralling use of illegal drugs, to name just a few of the symptoms that raise the alarm that says, Humanity is in serious Trouble!
There is a lot of stuff that is taking place that the public don’t get to hear about, because it goes on behind closed doors, and is just not spoken about in public. The effects are none-the-less felt in the public domain, therefore we are all affected to varying degrees.
Take for instance the case of violence in the home. The scenario that immediately comes to mind is that of man-on-woman abuse, so we’ll go with that for the moment, although in reality there are all sorts of criss-cross violence that can take place in the home.
Let’s say that we have a case of regular abuse being suffered by a woman at the hands of her male partner. Typically, she suffers in silence and presents herself to the outside world as being a very clumsy person who goes around walking into doors and habitually falling down stairs. She is her attacker’s facilitator. She makes it possible for him to carry on his abuse, as and when he wants to.
What would happen if she warned him not to do it again after the first time, but when he did re-offend she took out a large advertisement in her local newspaper stating that she is being physically abused and beaten by her husband who seems to think that she is some kind of punching bag. What would be his options? He could strike her for doing that, (at least he would actually have a reason) or he would have to refrain if he didn’t wish to see yet another follow-up announcement. His third option would be to leave, having come to the decision that she was not co-operating. (Would that be such a bad thing?)
What disturbs me most about this type of abuse is that it tends to be sustained. We are not talking about a one-off incident of hitting, but rather that which goes on for many months or even years. What drives that type of hatred?
Then we have the situation whereby so many people feel the need to escape through drugs and drink. There are no solutions down those paths, only more problems that can be foreseen before setting off in that direction. So why go there?
There’s much to be concerned about, but the one issue that I want to focus on at the moment is that of equality for women. American women are probably the most liberated and the most accomplished in business and politics, so they provide a How-to, and a How –not-to manual for the rest of the world.
The American woman’s rise was not done in isolation. Her upwardly mobile rise required American men to get on board and support the programme. A case of, as Dr. Martin Luther King put it, “None of us are free until we are all free.” As American women gained in strength and maturity, in the best cases so did American men. Many men have been left behind, which presents one set of problems, and others who tried to keep up now find themselves struggling to deal with this very modern and capable woman.
Part of the American meltdown is that white American women now find themselves increasingly left alone. American men say these women are not candidates for marriage because their standards are too demanding and the risk is too high that the marriage will end with disastrous consequences for the man.
What’s the American woman to do? All is not lost if she can accept a life of total independence, and having a man as only an accessory, sort of like a handbag. She can have her own space and use her man for occasional company. Many in the entertainment world are doing exactly that. They don’t marry, but they do have children. They maintain their own homes and the children visit between the two.
From their point of view, it will all probably come down to that in the end anyway, so they just leave out the middle part involving anger, divorce, property settlement, custody and all sorts of other aggravation.
That may all be very well for those women who can afford it, but what about Ms. Middle America. Where does that leave her?
I am absolutely staggered by the depth of ill feeling on the part of some American men. To see what I mean you might like to go to http://www.nomarriage.com/ but be advised that you will encounter some very strongly worded sentiments.
Coming: “Is your lovely Lady a Lunatic?” Paul R. from Melbourne, Australia wants to compare.
There is a lot of stuff that is taking place that the public don’t get to hear about, because it goes on behind closed doors, and is just not spoken about in public. The effects are none-the-less felt in the public domain, therefore we are all affected to varying degrees.
Take for instance the case of violence in the home. The scenario that immediately comes to mind is that of man-on-woman abuse, so we’ll go with that for the moment, although in reality there are all sorts of criss-cross violence that can take place in the home.
Let’s say that we have a case of regular abuse being suffered by a woman at the hands of her male partner. Typically, she suffers in silence and presents herself to the outside world as being a very clumsy person who goes around walking into doors and habitually falling down stairs. She is her attacker’s facilitator. She makes it possible for him to carry on his abuse, as and when he wants to.
What would happen if she warned him not to do it again after the first time, but when he did re-offend she took out a large advertisement in her local newspaper stating that she is being physically abused and beaten by her husband who seems to think that she is some kind of punching bag. What would be his options? He could strike her for doing that, (at least he would actually have a reason) or he would have to refrain if he didn’t wish to see yet another follow-up announcement. His third option would be to leave, having come to the decision that she was not co-operating. (Would that be such a bad thing?)
What disturbs me most about this type of abuse is that it tends to be sustained. We are not talking about a one-off incident of hitting, but rather that which goes on for many months or even years. What drives that type of hatred?
Then we have the situation whereby so many people feel the need to escape through drugs and drink. There are no solutions down those paths, only more problems that can be foreseen before setting off in that direction. So why go there?
There’s much to be concerned about, but the one issue that I want to focus on at the moment is that of equality for women. American women are probably the most liberated and the most accomplished in business and politics, so they provide a How-to, and a How –not-to manual for the rest of the world.
The American woman’s rise was not done in isolation. Her upwardly mobile rise required American men to get on board and support the programme. A case of, as Dr. Martin Luther King put it, “None of us are free until we are all free.” As American women gained in strength and maturity, in the best cases so did American men. Many men have been left behind, which presents one set of problems, and others who tried to keep up now find themselves struggling to deal with this very modern and capable woman.
Part of the American meltdown is that white American women now find themselves increasingly left alone. American men say these women are not candidates for marriage because their standards are too demanding and the risk is too high that the marriage will end with disastrous consequences for the man.
What’s the American woman to do? All is not lost if she can accept a life of total independence, and having a man as only an accessory, sort of like a handbag. She can have her own space and use her man for occasional company. Many in the entertainment world are doing exactly that. They don’t marry, but they do have children. They maintain their own homes and the children visit between the two.
From their point of view, it will all probably come down to that in the end anyway, so they just leave out the middle part involving anger, divorce, property settlement, custody and all sorts of other aggravation.
That may all be very well for those women who can afford it, but what about Ms. Middle America. Where does that leave her?
I am absolutely staggered by the depth of ill feeling on the part of some American men. To see what I mean you might like to go to http://www.nomarriage.com/ but be advised that you will encounter some very strongly worded sentiments.
Coming: “Is your lovely Lady a Lunatic?” Paul R. from Melbourne, Australia wants to compare.
Copyright (c) 2007 Eugene Carmichael
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