There was a time when to be a divorced person was a very shameful thing. The stigma that attached itself was that of a person who was a failure. Marriage was for life, as indeed you said it would be in your vows. Everyone in the village waited in anticipation for your wedding day, and they all dressed up on that day to help you celebrate. Later, when it was revealed that the pair of you had separated it brought shame on the whole village.
Well, that was then, this is the modern age when people go into marriage with a shrug saying, if it doesn’t work out, we’ll get a divorce. The statistics are disturbing. Depending on the country, within ten years of the wedding, between 30 to 40 percent, or more have ended, and in many cases the original participants have entered into their second marriages. The idea of the serial marriage syndrome appears to be gaining ground. This is where a marriage life expectancy is determined to be about seven years. That’s when the well-known Seven-Year itch takes over and it’s time for a change.
An extreme example could be the successful independent career woman. She wants it all. She wants the two children who are legitimate; she wants the home; she wants the continuing financial support; but what she doesn’t want is a boring, pain-in-the-butt husband hanging around all the time. So, once she has all the other pieces in place there will be nothing that he can do right for her. She wants him gone and she relies on her friend, the law, to assist in getting rid of him.
I know, this is a very cynical view, but there are a number of men who are prepared to testify as to their personal experiences.
The fact is that women are in the lead in pressing for divorce. It may have always seemed that way because in many cases, where the couple agreed to separate, the man allowed her to file out of a sense of chivalry. This I know for a fact as I have done this very thing. The important point is that most women filing for divorce today would tell you that they don’t want to be married. In fact, it’s probably the guy who will say that he wishes they could work it out.
Certainly, the discomfort that women tolerated in their marriages of the recent past is unthinkable by today’s young women.
So, where does that leave modern man? Seems to me that a great deal more thought has to be put into the question: Is this trip down the aisle really advisable, or even necessary?
In his very excellent book written in 1970, “Future Shock”, by Alvin Toffler, he coined the phrase “the artist as antennae of our society.” If that be the case what we see movie stars and singers doing is living together apart. They maintain their own living space while at the same time being committed to each other. They bring up their families with the children spending time between the two homes. This all seems to be predicated on the fact that this is how it will be in the end anyway, so they just cut out the painful middle part.
Copyright (c) 2007 Eugene Carmichael
No comments:
Post a Comment