More Violence in the Home

I was in the midst of doing a simple task that we all must do, that being taking out the trash to the bins at the entrance to our estate. But on this day that simple task became overshadowed by a very disturbing incident that I would like to share with you, as it is definitely a cautionary tale.

What I observed was an attack in progress by a woman upon her male partner. I have no way of knowing what provoked it, but she was very belligerent in her verbal attacks. They had arrived in a van, and he had obviously stopped and got out to try and get away from her. Every time he took a step she was in his path and in his face. For his part, he was really enraging her by not engaging with her in the argument. He simply kept quiet and tried to walk away, but she was having none of it.

She started to demand that he give her the mobile phone. He then got back in the van and started to drive forward when she jumped in and started tearing the van to pieces. Anything that she could dislodge she ripped off and threw it out. He again stopped the van and got out and began to walk away, but he attempted to place a call. She simply went ballistic. It turned out that he was calling the police, and that’s when she got very physical, punching him, and scratching him.

She then tried to throw him to the ground, but the plan backfired when she missed her kick and lost her footing and down she went into the dirt. Now she became a screaming banshee, kicking, punching, throwing dirt at him, and yelling great obscenities, all of which drew a small group of spectators. A couple of people went to his aid, and for their efforts they attracted her venom.

Finally, there arrived a lone policeman in his car. Instead of calming her down she became even more outraged, flying at the policeman even before he got out of his car. He called for backup, and there came the Guardia Civil, who were left with no alternative but to forcefully put her in handcuffs and march her off to jail.

While I have no idea of what set her off, I take my hat off to her partner who was severely provoked to defend himself by striking back. However, therein lies the problem for a man: no matter how badly he is provoked by a woman, he cannot physically strike back, as he would were his attacker another man without drawing down the ire of the law that seems to hold that under no circumstances is a man justified by striking a woman.

This is an intolerable situation for men because there are many very capable women of inflicting great harm upon whomever they decide to hit. That a man is expected to stand there, as I watched the man who was attacked, and hold your arms out wide and let her rain down the blows, including scratching and kicking, drawing blood in the process is, in my view, taking the men-woman situation too far. Everyone is entitled to defend himself or herself.

The man in this tale never laid a hand on her in anger. He was a model of restraint, and took a severe beating from her. Let no one mistake her capability in causing pain and suffering. I happen to regard women as equal to men. If they do not have the natural upper body strength, there are other ways that they can do their damage.

By this piece, I pay homage to a man who, under very trying conditions set the example of how to deal with a situation of this magnitude. He had to be one in a million, as she was really demanding that he pop her one. Fortunately for him he didn’t, and the police could see that, and they congratulated him.

What would have been better is that the incident had not happened at all. It was one of the ugliest that I have seen in a long time. What I am particularly pleased about is that my suggestion to families is: Don’t Provoke, Don’t Hit! He was severely provoked, but he didn’t hit back. What I don’t know is what provoked her.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

How Nice to meet You (IV)

We are exploring an effective way to market oneself when trying to attract that special person on the Internet. Most dating services limit severely what you can say about yourself, which is a pity because what most people say is that they are perfect, and completely without flaws. However, women are usually a little better than men, in that they do include a little more of their personalities in the piece. Men usually say what their professions are, and list the kind of woman they are seeking, and that’s it.

In part three I was challenged to write a profile for a woman that would really give the reader an insight into her personality. This week I will have a go at helping the guys.

“Hello, my name is William, but I prefer to be called Bill. I’m 54 years of age, in good health, and I’m in search of one Good Woman.

“ I am divorced, and we have one child between us, with whom I maintain a reasonable relationship. I work as a builder, and that takes up a fair bit of my time. You could say that I’m a very uncomplicated person, a” meat and potatoes” type of man. I like pub people and the social scene that goes with the pub, however, on most nights you are likely to find me at home resting after a hard day’s work. A woman who shares an appreciation of the same home and pub style of life would be a great companion to me.

“I have made some mistakes in my former marriage, like over-doing the drinking, and taking the missus for granted, but I’m determined to learn from those mistakes and I will avoid them in the future. I think that if we don’t learn from our mistakes, then what was the point.

“My attitude towards women is one of respect, but I would like to be depended upon as provider and protector, as that is the role that I think I should play in a relationship.

“One other thing: I’m as gentle as a lamb and as cuddly as a bear.”

I think that this description is succinct and to the point. We know that Bill is middle aged and is probably looking to settle down again with a woman who is also looking for a relationship that could lead to a settled situation. She can see that our Bill is a blue collar, down to earth type, who is probably steady as a rock. At age 54 he is a little older but definitely wiser as he seems to have learned from his past mistakes. He at least is willing to acknowledge them, and that is the mandatory first step to improvements.

He hasn’t bothered to detail what kinds of music he likes, and what movies he watches. All that will come out in the general discussions. By adding that he is a gentle man, a woman who might be concerned about that is encouraged to respond. In fact, I suspect our Bill may be spoiled for choices. There are many lonely hearts in the world who deserve a companion. There are also a lot of lonely hearts who deserve their status, the problem is trying to sort out the good from the bad as applies to each individual.

Life is not a rehearsal. We only get to live it once, and when today passes into yesterday we can do nothing about retrieving any of that time to either correct mistakes, or to relive it. So, if you are sitting alone in your home hoping that something will happen, it probably won’t. You have to make it happen. There are no guarantees in life, such as you will never have your heart broken again. You take your chances, and Good Luck!


Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

How Nice to Meet You! (Part Three)

Well, now I seem to have gone and put my foot right in it up to the thigh. In the first part of this thread several of you thought that I was making fun of the way that you present yourselves in your Personal Adverts. Busted! I was sort of doing just that because everyone seems to be saying the same subjective things about themselves, and no one has any flaws or blemishes whatsoever. Can that be right?

I repeat that I support the medium of turning a lonely existence into one where two people find companionship and even love. However, the system is open to abuse and the scammers are all around, so one has to be on guard and use common sense. Take things slowly, and one step at a time. A lot of criteria should be met before taking the brakes off.

There are a lot of people who are genuine lonely hearts looking for long-term, preferably permanent relationships. The amazing thing is that often the ideal person that you may be looking for might live just a few doors along from you. This is one way of finding each other.

My criticism is directed towards the presentation of the information about the advertising person. Maybe it’s the fault of the service that restricts the number of words that can be used to describe yourself. I have been challenged to write a better personal advert since I have dared be a critic.

I’m not personally looking for a mate on the Internet, but if I were here’s some of what I hope you would tell me. In this case I’m going to put myself in the place of Maria who is looking for a friend.

“ Hello, my name is Maria. I am 48 years of age, divorced with two lovely daughters who are so precious and intelligent, ages 13, and 16. Unfortunately things went sour between their father and I, but we maintain a cordial and respectful relationship as we have the common interest of our daughters. However, he has moved on with his life, and he now supports my efforts in doing the same.

“I enjoy my career as a graphic artist with a national magazine, and that, together with caring for my daughters gives me almost all the fulfilment I need. Missing from my life is a good friend to share those special moments that turn the good into great.

“I live in downtown Valencia which I enjoy for the convenience of the theatre, cinema, good restaurants and concerts. We also take full advantage of the outdoors in the park and the beach.

“ I am not afraid to try new things. Some are quite tame I suppose, such as riding bicycles with my daughters, but if you could see how uncoordinated I am on two wheels you would have to laugh. At least I am out of the house and doing something to get fit and stay fit. I have also taken up walking in the country through the excellent Senderismo program offered by the city of Valencia. My girls and I have come to regard this as an essential interest, and although it still hurts after a full day’s exercise I do feel good.

“I am not without friends, as I enjoy a wide circle of really good social support, but I am looking outside that group for one special person. That person could be you, but I would first value your respect for me as a person, never to be taken for granted. I would value in you sensitivity and maturity, kindness and the highest regard for my daughters. You would not be asked to assume the role of their father as he discharges those duties in a most loving way.

“You also would not be asked to move in with us as I believe that might place undue stress on what is a delicate balance. My daughters have the encouragement of my ex-husband to help me settle my personal life again, so that’s not the problem. But there’s no pressure to go to that level right away.

“ I am also not a smoker, I enjoy alcohol, mostly wine at dinner in modest quantities, and I strongly disapprove of recreational drugs. It is essential that the people I associate with share those views.

So! If you are looking, you now have a pretty good idea of who Maria is and whether you have anything to offer her. If she only said that she was friendly, liked to go out, liked the movies, etc, so what? Most people do. What do you think? Does this work any better?

On the whole, women do a much better job of introducing themselves to the world. Men need a lot of help, so I shall have a go of presenting a good profile of a man next week. Its all about marketing, you see.

Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Violence in the Home - Summary

The bibliographies on the causes of violence in the home reflect that this is a huge subject, and perhaps one of the most complex known to mankind. Perhaps also, when reduced to the simplest common denominator it is one of the most uncomplicated. How can this be?

I was going to delve deeply into the statistics and make a great in-depth study, but it has all been done before, and is readily available on the Internet. Consequently, I can see no real value in my reinventing the wheel.

Instead my approach is to ask what happens when two or more people are gathered together in some form of unit, be it employment, family, sporting organisation, or whatever? I think that there is a natural tendency towards a power struggle and control. In two-person type relationships we speak of give and take. In practically all other multi-person groupings we can work toward the will of the majority, or be guided by a plain old-fashioned dictatorship.

I think that at the heart of the problem of violence in the home is a common flaw in the makeup of humans. The need for us to hold power and dominion over others drives us towards behaviour that is anti-social. For either a man or woman to demand to always be seen to be right by their family members, especially when they are patently wrong, is arrogant and just plain immature. When father or mother declare themselves as the family head, and have to be obeyed without question, and insist that no idea can be a good idea unless it is their idea, that is an awesome responsibility to assume.

There are many examples of such families where high economic status and community respect has been achieved, but the family unit is a disaster. One does not have to look too far for well-publicised examples in many prominent families.

Some families do get it right, of course, and no doubt they all have their own methodology of maintaining peace and harmony. I assume that a common factor among them is mutual respect for each other’s opinions, and a conscious determination to live and let live. This is not always easy, but no one promised it would be.

This series has been about violence in the home. It has not attempted to counsel upon the causes; nor has it suggested that there has to be complete agreement on all things within the family. However, a good first step would be to agree, amicably not to agree.

Above all, adoption of the “Don’t Provoke – Don’t Hit” mantra, I believe, is the key. That is what ultimately keeps the peace in the family.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Violence in the Home-Patricia's Story

The Nightmare







This is a story about Patricia and Danny. These are not their real names as indeed this is an account of several troubled households. It is particularly hoped that people who abuse their families will read this cautionary tale.

“My husband Danny is dead now. He died in 2004 as a result of a massive stroke. It was not his first stroke. The first time was in 2000, and the result was he went from being a burly, healthy, violent bastard of a man to being a cripple who needed everything done for him.

“Our story began when we were both in high school. We fell in love and as a result of our sexual experimentation I fell pregnant. Our families went wild and we were forced into getting married. I was nineteen when I became pregant and he was twenty. It was clear from the start that he didn’t want to be married with a family. He blamed me and accused me of trapping him. The violence came straight away, even while I was pregnant. We were both Catholic, so contraception was out of the question. Consequently, when we had sex, I became pregnant.

“Finally, at child number five we simply stopped having sex. He got his gratification from prostitutes and made no secret about it. I cannot imagine a man who did not want the cards that life had dealt him more than our Danny. He absolutely detested his family, and to him I was the one to blame for all his troubles.

“I will say right here that he was partly right. I was actually very happy on finding out I was pregnant on that first occasion. I had not deliberately done anything behind his back to make it happen. He was as enthusiastic for us to have sex, and he took no precautions of his own to avoid pregnancy. The difference was that I wanted us to be a family. He simply felt trapped.

“The irony is that instead of abandoning us, he stayed and made for him a bad situation worse with yet more mouths to feed. His reaction was to strike out at us. He did not need any specific reason to do so. He would explode at us when he was stone cold sober as well as when he was drunk.

“He beat us all from the time he thought the children were old enough to take it, with me as his favourite punching bag. You hear of men who do things like this, then apologize afterward. Danny never apologized once while the beatings were taking place. He used his vocal power to call me everything derogatory in the book.

“Then came March, 2000. It was a Saturday night when he came back from the pub. I made certain that all the children were out of harm’s way, as usual, and braced myself to take my beating by having had several whiskies. I had found that to be an acceptable anaesthetic. He came in the house like a charging lion and came straight for me. He was fully engaged in knocking me around when suddenly he seemed to become disoriented and started bumping into things on his own. And then, he went crashing down, just like a lion brought down by a shotgun. And then, all was quiet. I could not believe what I was seeing.

“After a while I called for an ambulance. At the hospital I was told he had suffered a major stroke and that he would probably need to be institutionalised, as he would be virtually helpless. Although he would retain much of his mental faculties, his motor functions were kaput. I said that I would take him home to be with his family. We would cope somehow. If he could have heard those words he should have been terrified.

“The next four years were pay-back time, and I took every opportunity to extract my due, and that of my children from the beast. I say this without shame that he got what he had given, multiplied ten-fold. The children hated him and never let him forget it. I had come to regard him as the most evil man that walked the faced of the earth. The neighbours even said how much they enjoyed hearing him crying.

“I shall spare you the details because I am not proud of what we did. Indeed, you may ask how does what we did make us any better? Well, it didn’t make us any better, but hopefully, in his sick mind it made us his worst nightmare.

“Finally, in 2004 he had another killer stroke. We wanted him to live on to fully reap the whirlwind that he had created. One thing is very certain; that the countless times he said he was sorry was sincere. He was sorry he had been reduced to the helpless pathetic person he was; he was sorry he was no longer capable of harming his family; and he was sorry he was at our mercy. I will not believe that he was sorry to have been such a swine to us.

“We didn’t kill him, we only made him wish he was dead.”

The moral of the story is:

If you are an abuser, (male or female) remember you are only temporarily able-bodied to hurt the ones you are supposed to love and protect. While you have your health and strength, you would do better to build up credits with your family so that when you need to rely on them the support will be there, and it will be given without reservation and with love. If nothing else, you are getting older with every passing day. Old age itself brings less independence. In other words, be nice!





Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Violence in the Home (III)

I happened to run into a friend on the street, and we got to talking about what was happening in each other’s lives, as you do when you haven’t seen one another for some time.. Then we got into “For Men’s Eyes Only” and I was explaining the role I thought this column has to play and some of the topics that are being covered, such as “Violence in the Home”. He responded, “What about it?” Judging by the way a cloud came over his face and the tenor of his voice in asking the question, I quickly concluded that I had a hold of a live wire.

He wanted to challenge me, but by me insisting that I was only going to be the listener I came to gain an insight into the mind of this particular abuser. What follows are the opinions of this individual.

The Objective

It is all about respect. A man is the head of his family. In his own home he is to be treated as lord and master. All before him shall bow down and pay homage. His wife shall do her duty always and she must show deference in the way that she talks to him, and in the things that she says; in the way that she dresses for him, in the manner of her submission to him. She must even take care to affect the proper walk, showing a total lack of confidence and self-assurance.

To his children he is all. He is the fountain of all knowledge, and where he contradicts their teachers and other relatives, he is to be regarded as being right and correct. What takes place in his house is absolutely to be of no concern to any other person, including the authorities, or his church.

History

He was one of a family of thirteen children and the family environment was the same as that which he has chosen for his own family. In his father’s family the children were always deeply respectful of both parents, and his trouser belt was the enforcer. Someone always seemed to be receiving a flogging for something or the other, such was the strictness of the family regime. Whenever one of the children did something that displeased their mother, the most dreaded words she could say was, “just you wait until your father comes home!” The child would begin to cry from that moment, and usually it got worse the closer to the time when the father would be expected home.

Supporting Environment

The most important factor in the continuance of the abuse was the support of the family’s religious beliefs and the church to which they belonged. The Church elders always preached that the role of the husband and father was indisputable, no doubt reinforcing their own positions, and that the manner in which the man of the house saw fit to discipline his family was his concern alone.

He said that his wife once went home to her mother, saying that she could no longer take his treatment. Her mother, whom she had said she had witnessed taking a beating on many occasions, simply called in the head of the church and a couple of elders, and they prayed over her. Then they called her husband to come and take her back home. When he got her home he simply had to lay down the law with her.

Discipline

No week should be allowed to pass without all of the family receiving at least one visit with the strap, so as to ensure that no-one forgot, not even for a minute who was boss. This was especially so in case his wife had been watching Oprah Winfrey or some other person who would fill her head with nonsense. However, he insisted that in the case of all of the discipline that he dished out, it was done with a loving, considerate and velvet hand. It was God’s Will that the man be strong and reliable.

His personal relationship with his wife

He insisted that his wife loved him totally. She showed it in every thing that she did. She maintained the home according to his standard and never wavered by either doing more than was expected, nor falling short. When they were out in public she walked in the shadow of him, and she made sure that he would be proud. She never looked at another man.

Whenever he wanted her sexually she was always there for him to do his bidding.

Would he ever change, or could he accept that he might be wrong to treat human beings as though they were his personal slaves?

“No!”


Copyright (c) 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Women who Hit! How Crazy is That?

Let not the woman be the one to draw first blood! She can then be said to be the author of her own misfortune. (EwC)

I once tried to have a conversation with an administrator of a woman’s refuge group. I prefaced my remarks with the statement that I wanted to help because I have sisters and daughters, and I wouldn’t like it one bit if they were the victims of abuse.

I said that the fact that the woman’s group were tarring every man with the same brush made it difficult for me to come forward to try to be of assistance. Her response was to vent on me her vitriol and personal bias.

I was trying to say that by placing men in the position of always being the villains of the piece, devious women would take advantage of that. Life is never so simple where we can say that always one gender will be the victim, and the other the aggressor. Administrator of women's groups should know that, and if they don't they are adding to the problem.

The fact of the matter is that there are women who strike out at everybody in the house, including their husbands, and I believe that we are not talking about isolated incidents. I read of some accounts on the internet where men found themselves dealing with women like that, and not knowing how to handle the situation they went to a woman’s group for advice, and were simply not believed. They were treated as the enemy behind the lines.

When it’s the man who is the victim of an abusive female partner he is faced with an even greater problem than that faced by women. A strong woman can strike back even causing physical harm, and the chances are that he will not go to the police out of shame and embarrassment. But the minute he gets fed up and strikes her, the whole apparatus kicks into place and automatically condemns him as the abuser.

Men and women are protected under the same laws against assault and battery. Both sexes have a human right to be safe and secure in their own home. Men should be proactive and prosecute women abusers openly, and they need not feel embarrassed to do so. If he finds himself living with a crazy woman who will not get help, then by all means feed her into the judicial system. This is the only legal way that he can strike back at her. Anything else and he leaves himself wide open to have the tables turned on him.

Common sense tells us that there will likely be abusers of both genders, and that this is not a female-only problem. This is a family problem and it will take people of both sexes of good will to try and effectively deal with it.

Women can say do not hit me a million times to men, but the message is far more effective if it comes from a man who says, “Guys, it’s in our own best interest not to hit our woman. Once you hit her you lose all sympathy. Don’t do it!” Above all, don’t let her manipulate you into doing it, because once you have done so, she’s in complete control.”

There will be those women who will have an agenda that is in place from the time that they meet a particular man, and part of the plan is to set him up for the fall. She will depend on his cooperation by getting him to strike her. If he refuses to fall into the trap, then he should beware, she may actually get someone else to deliberately beat her up so that she can blame it on him. It’s important to watch for such signs of determination.

Going back to the administrator of the woman’s group, I have some empathy with her because everyday she will have to deal with women victims of male abuse. However, I expect a professional to have training and an open mind, because often things are not what they seem.

Lately, there is growing violence that is committed lesbian against lesbian. Hopefully it is beginning to sink in that the perpetrator can be of either gender.

My main concern is, when men are placed in a corner and automatically labelled as the villain, there may be an over-reaction if he does lash out due to provocation. If he knows that his whole future is lost because of that one incident he may decide “in for a penny, in for a pound!” That would be the worst scenario of all.

I would like to think that with education these types of problems will be greatly reduced. However, they will never be entirely eliminated as long as masochists are attracted to sadists.

Would you like to add to this topic. E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael

Men who Hit. Why?

If you are a person who beats your wife, inflicting upon her bruising, swelling, cuts and even broken bones, can you reasonably expect the public to embrace you with respect and honour, and to sympathise with you, no matter what was your motivation or provocation?

So, you’re an abuser. You beat your wife and children and the dog on a regular basis. You’re one angry dude, that much is apparent, but why? You must know that is not considered normal behaviour. You must know that when the truth becomes known among your circle you are despised and ostracized by men and women alike.

Often, after an incident you apologise and ask for forgiveness, so you know it’s wrong, yet you continue on with a sustained campaign of terror that is second to none. No-one other than you knows what you get out of it, and only you know how cold your heart can be to inflict such pain and suffering on the very people you are supposed to love and protect. What drives you? Where does the hate come from, and just as important what sustains it? Are you an abnormal monster?

Do you really believe that by smashing your wife’s face in that you are being a man? I certainly hope not! No man has ever gained in stature and popularity by beating up women and children.

This column cannot, and it will never condone such wilful and bestial behaviour. Perhaps if we can understand the forces at work that push you to do the things that you do, help can be sought to bring peace to you and your family. For instance, I have talked to someone like you. In this case the man volunteered that he and his wife were sick and in need of serious counselling.

Case history No. 1
Violence for Sex

A neighbour of a couple who fought regularly brought them to my attention. The neighbour was so affected by their behaviour that he sought counselling for himself and his own family. I was introduced to the couple and they received me most graciously. We had a normal-type interview and they were not reluctant to discuss the situation, although both insisted that their private lives were in reality nobody’s business.

They had been married for just over twenty-five years but they did not have any children. They had found that they would go through what they described as “dry patches” in their marriage when they had nothing to say to each other, and life was boring in the extreme. Early in their marriage when they were going through such a period one person upset the other and a bit of pushing and shoving took place, but afterwards, they made up by making love. The love-making was exciting, not the boring auto-pilot stuff. Since then, when they feel the need to spice things up either one will push the other’s buttons and things get a little rowdy. They live for the part that follows.

The police have given up on them. He has been taken off to prison so many times, and she always comes after him. She never presses charges, no matter how badly beat up she is because half the time she started it and wanted it. The social services, the police, and the neighbours all agree that one day it will go too far and one of them will not rise to fight again. When I put this point to them, surprisingly, they acknowledged that most likely it will happen. And then he said this: “I love my wife unlike I could ever love another, and if that day should come when I strike her too hard, I will follow her to the grave, there and then.” She said, “the same goes for me.”

This is a case of extreme violence in the home where things get broken; the combatants get bruised and battered, the neighbours are distraught and everybody else is frustrated. Although the violence is there, and this guy is like you in that he does hit, perhaps his motivation is different.

Seemingly there is a mean element that is present in your motivation that is missing in theirs. I want to hear your story. I want to know your background, and I want to know whether you are truly troubled by the results of your behaviour.

There is even an incentive in stopping the violence that is in your own interest. Every day you grow older, and the time will probably come when you will desperately need the very people whom you treat so brutally. Remember also, what goes around, comes around. That is otherwise known as Karma.

Send me an e-mail at eugene.spain@gmail.com and let us discuss it. I will know your identity from the e-mail address, but I will not disclose that information to another soul.



Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Breaking the Circle of Violence in the Home

Don’t Provoke! -Don’t Hit!

What happens between the time of the wedding when everybody is full of smiles, and later when the police are called? What could possibly go so wrong? This is the question of the ages. The only thing that I can conclude for certain is that both partners are responsible for the success and happiness of their marriage, and both are responsible for the downfall and failure. Only the two partners, or combatants, can really know the full story, and even they will most likely be bewildered.

A person’s judgement as to their choice of partner is the major factor. So, where the “injured” party contends that they have done everything by the book to make a go of it, perhaps their only contribution to the disaster was simply their choice of partner.

In the event of forced marriages there should be no surprise when later things turn sour. There are so many stories of the bride or groom who change their minds on the wedding day, but who are forced to go through with it for their family to save face. (Not to mention that there are all those sandwiches already made). There is clearly a need for enlightenment to allow for the whole thing to be called off, even at such a late date. After all, the alternative is a known quantity, and a very sad statistic.

My advice to my fellow men is not to hit their wife/significant other, because the only thing that the public gets to see are the bruises. If there was provocation, we don’t get to see that. You might have been the long- suffering, hen-pecked to death, quiet gentleman. But when the going gets too tough, go out for a pack of cigarettes, whether you smoke or not. If it is a case of someone else trying to get you to ruin your life, do not cooperate! Just take the pain like a man, because our culture has arrived at the point where we have zero tolerance for the wife-beater.

Well, do men hate women? If so, in those cases that can be so described as such, where does such hatred come from? Let’s look at some extreme examples.

Case No. 1.

As a young boy, Stanley, (not his real name) was witness to a row between his mother and father where his mother told his father, (who Stanley adored) to get out of the house (that his father built with his own hands) for reasons that were never made clear. Thereafter, as his mother tried to stabilize her life Stanley had to endure a parade of “uncles” going in and out of his house. So Stanley grew up with a gigantic chip on his shoulder that he was never able to confront his mother over. But he developed a suspicion of all women, and mostly he was angry with women because if his mother behaved in that manner, surely all women were like that.

So, in his dealing with women he holds a lot of pent-up anger and hostility. He is likely to be the one to get drunk on a Saturday night and explode at home over the slightest triviality. Stanley needs major and urgent help!

Case No. 2.

Albert, (not his real name) is a conservative and shy person. He is a hard worker, a pillar of the community, very naïve in many ways, but a real family man. What he needs to round out his life is the love of a good woman, but unfortunately Albert is a bad judge of character. Consequently he doesn’t see the cunning, scheming Jezebel coming for him. She sees him as an easy mark to rip off. They marry and after a suitable “honeymoon” period she proceeds to turn his life upside down through provocation, goading him to hit her so that she could fire up her planned program, called “Operation Strip-him-clean”. When he finally hit her in the blind rage that she authored he stood to lose everything. His job, civic standing, reputation, money, house, his whole way of life. She stood to gain it all, which was the very objective. This is where it becomes very dangerous because some men might reason that since they were ruined anyway, what do they have to lose. “In for a penny, in for a pound”. What could happen next is likely to be serious mayhem.

Violence in the home is not just men against women. I am concerned about all forms, such as:
- women to men; there are many women who are violent aggressors. These people might have borne witness to maltreatment of their mothers by their fathers.
- women to women, in the case of lesbian couples;
- men to men, in the case of homosexual couples. In both these scenarios the couples might even be legally married.
- Siblings to siblings. Children need to be taught early about anger management.
- Parents against children. When does a physical response cross the line from discipline and become abuse?
- Children against parents. This might otherwise be called Elder abuse. A recent example was the case of a daughter who took her 92 year-old mother into the city and left her holding on to a railing at the side of the road, allegedly quite deliberately, and never to return.
- And then there is care-giver abuse of children or the very elderly.

Violence in the home in many cases has to be unlearned. It can be the result of custom: abused as a child, abuser as an adult. (Hence the circle of violence.) The saddest sight is that of a man beating his son when the son is just like his dad. I say the man should simply go beat himself up.

In summary, to those people who quite rightly call for the cessation of violence against women, I agree, but I ask how soon do we start the process? To everybody else I suggest a one-size fits all approach. That is, Don’t Provoke! Don’t Hit! I repeat, Don’t Provoke! Don’t Hit! Try anger management instead. Admittedly it will not be easy, but we cannot go through life beating up everybody. A simple, unisex, easy-to-live by, very easy slogan to remember: Don’t Provoke! Don’t Hit!

Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Domestic Violence

Actors/models pictured

Domestic Violence
(Violence in the Home)

Firstly, I want to re-title this as “Violence in the Home” as I believe that the title “Domestic Violence” is trivialised as being of less importance than violence in the street

It is the topic that no-one dares to mention around the cocktail circuit, nor in the office at the water cooler. On those odd occasions when courageous folk do bring it out into the light it is discussed in hushed tones.

With this title we begin a series on this important topic. I have collected ample anecdotal evidence from the female victims of violence in the home. I need to hear from male victims, and from elders who are abused. It would also be especially helpful to hear from abusers themselves, male and female.

When we think of violence in the home the common assumption is that of men-against-women. The male has been made out to be the automatic villain of the piece. Life is just not that simple, is it?

Let me start this discussion by stating that I am in favour of the elimination of all forms of violence in the home. That means men against women; women against women; men against men; (modern forms of marriage), children against children; parents against children; children against parents; (elder abuse); and everybody against the animals. The formula to follow to maintain such a desirable state of non-violence is simple: DO NOT PROVOKE / DO NOT HIT! This is a uni-sex formula and works separately and together.

DO NOT PROVOKE! This means, if you know that there is something that someone else does not like, something that upsets that person greatly, avoid pushing that particular button. (You would only do so if you really want to start trouble.)

DO NOT HIT! Someone has pushed your button, the one that sends you up like a rocket. Do Not Hit! Perhaps you are just having a bad hair day and someone has said or done something inadvertently or deliberately to upset you. Keep your hands to yourself. Go take a walk to calm down. Just think that if you were at the office would you lash out and slug your boss or a co-worker. Of course you wouldn’t. You would most probably lose your job. So, what makes you think its O.K. to hit your family? (This question is addressed to either a man or a woman.)

This simplistic formula does not even begin to tackle the causes of violence in the home. The issues are most likely vast and complex, but the bottom line to a domestic violence-free zone is to live life observing those two principles. No matter which way we twist and turn the formula it all comes back to those same six little words.

When it occurs, violence against women in Spain is truly awful. Women are thrown from balconies, stabbed to death, thrown down several flights of stairs. They are beaten within an inch of their lives and made to suffer injuries more grave than a heavyweight boxer can inflict.

What is going on here? Some say that the problem is that we are seeing Spain in transition. Macho Spanish man finds himself being challenged by historically, usually compliant women. His status as El Jefe, (the boss) is threatened and he is bewildered and confused. It is a thing of honour. No woman may speak to a man like that! Let me hasten to add that the perpetrators of all this violence are people of many nationalities.

Men! We simply cannot go around punching every person who disagrees with us. This is a statement of the obvious. I personally think the problem begins the moment two people form a relationship. That’s when the power game starts. One of those two people will want to be dominant. It is human nature. What happens next will severely test the personal skills of both individuals to cope, although more than likely only one person becomes the relationship saviour by steering them through the rough passages. The other is blissfully unaware. Life is about give and take. The delicacy of the dance is about knowing when to give, and when it’s your turn to take.

This scratches the surface of this thorny subject. With your help, let’s see if we can get into causes and effects, and suggested ways to deal our way around the problems without resorting to violence and abuse, both physical and mental. This is not meant to be a substitute for professional counselling. This is all about the collected wisdom in our opinions.

E-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com I would love to hear from you!




Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

What do Men Want?

How many men would say that they have exactly the life that they want?

So many men are in the position where they hold dead-end jobs that they hate, and they go home to frigid wives who could hardly care less about their needs or desires; and they have children who are disrespectful and who hate them simply because they are authority figures. Pity the poor man who has this kind of package.

On top of all that are the financial obligations that the poor guy is saddled with. A variable mortgage on a home that he could be required to leave if his wife decides that is in her own best interests, and the usual mountain of debt that most men face. At some point in time such men in these circumstances pause, take a deep breath and ask themselves how in the world did I end up in this trap?

There was a time when it all seemed to be such a good idea. He was in love with his beautiful girl, and all he wanted to do was spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted to live happily ever after. But things went wrong somewhere along the way. Neither he nor his wife is quite certain where or when, but it has led to this very uncomfortable place.

Now what?

He only did the right and honourable thing. After a suitable period of courtship their love led them to the next level, and he went willingly. When it came time to “church” her he did so gladly because it was so natural. All of his and her family expected it. If he had other ideas the attitude of both families would certainly have turned frosty toward him. He would have been an embarrassment to his own family, and would have soon faced the inevitable question from hers, “what are your intentions, young man?”

Such is tradition and custom in Western societies that we go through life as though we are objects drawn by magnets. We are drawn together, and then together we are drawn into the well-trod path of marriage and children and mortgage, and alas, divorce.

What is the driving force? In one word it is Love! The need to feel the real and genuine love of another human being that is manifested through support and encouragement from that one special person from whom those attributes mean everything. It simply is not possible to gain the depth of satisfaction necessary that we are all seeking from any other source.

Some people actually attain this level of success in their lives, and they seem to maintain it throughout. How do they manage to do so? I think that first it takes two people who are very determined and mature about what they want. They must surely have talked things through at the beginning so that there was no room for misunderstanding.

There must also be some extra glue that keeps it all together, and I think that this must be a mutual belief that contains a system of rules and guidelines, and a promised reward in the end. I am probably speaking of a religious faith to keep the partners on the straight and narrow. Especially in these times of liberal thought, couples need to gather their strength from somewhere.

So, enter Family Man! As he stops to take a snapshot of his life, he smiles in appreciation because he considers that he has it all. He has been married thirty years to the same woman, and they are happier today than when it all started. Their two children are well into their twenties and they are doing just fine.

The relationship between he and his wife is rock solid. He can see that a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman, but she has nothing that he needs because, in so far as he is concerned he already has the most beautiful woman in the world.

They have worked hard together to build a life. Perhaps they own their own home and they have a couple of cars, and most of the comforts of living in a modern society. He may love his job, or perhaps it’s only just a means to an end. If he gets no real satisfaction there he makes up for it by being involved in community and/or charity work.

This is a man fulfilled because all that he wants is to be appreciated by his neighbours and loved and respected by his family, the same family upon whom he gives of his own time and respect and love.

If you are such a man, you do indeed, have it all.



Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

A Question of Integrity!

Integrity: moral uprightness; honesty; wholeness; soundness.


In God’s view, human beings are simply one of many species placed on earth as part of the Big Picture. We are driven in large measure by instinct, as are the other species, however; we tend to think that as human beings we are at the top of the chain. That we have Dominion over all things. We think we are superior over all in the animal and plant kingdom because we have the power to reason, and we have the triad of intellect, integrity, and morality to guide us.

I’m not so certain that we are entitled to our lofty assessment of ourselves, especially when we take a close look at many in the animal kingdom. In their world the worst of human behaviour is non-existent, and much of our best is even better represented.

I want to focus on this question of the conduct of male behaviour in the context of morality and integrity because this is one area where we need a lot of help. As an example, let’s say that the girl is angry with her boyfriend or husband, so to get back at him she uses his brother by offering her body to him. The amazing thing is that in probably the majority of these examples he will accept.

Where is his sense of integrity? How is he able to so easily set aside his moral sense? Of course it’s wrong! He knows it’s wrong, so why not just say no and walk away in disgust?

I have a theory when it comes to establishing a criteria to govern whom I may, or may not sleep with: If I allow a man to call me his friend, under no circumstances would I even consider making a move on his woman. Certainly, any man to whom I am blood related as brother, cousin, or uncle, puts his woman off-limits, even if they have split up.

If your woman is beautiful, charming, alluring and seductive, I can recognize all those things, but my sense of integrity and morality tell me to stay away. I owe the man, who I call my friend a debt of honour, and the momentary enjoyment I might get from being intimate with his woman is simply not enough to soothe my conscience. I have to live with that for life.

I’m not saying that it is easy to make such decisions when you have a woman saying “come hither big boy, I’m yours!” But integrity is at its best when under pressure. We get our sense of self-esteem when we are put to the test and we pass. We can dine out on stories of the time when the temptation was so great, but we successfully resisted. We tell no one if we caved in to it.

How important is self-esteem? That’s the element in our lives from which we decide whether we like ourselves the way we are, or whether we feel that we don’t deserve happiness and respect. There are many among us who lead double lives. On the one hand they hold themselves out as paragons of virtue while at the same time hiding a very shadowy other life. Such people are set up for a fall when the truth comes out. They must surely know that the day will come.

Having said all the above, there is one circumstance that counts sort of as the exception to the rule and which affects far more people than might be expected. That is the situation where one half of a couple finds that their basic, fundamental human needs are not being met by their partner over a significant period of time, either out of hostility, apathy, or physical inability, and the future holds no promise that things will improve. Normally, this could be an end-of-the-road scenario.

But what if it’s not possible for the injured party to walk away? The choices are (a) Stay, sacrifice and suffer in silence while life passes by; (b) Leave anyway, and hang the consequences; (c) demand from the partner at fault permission to meet your needs, by any means possible. Simply put, the partner at fault gives that permission by not holding up their end of the bargain anyway, as it is unreasonable to expect anything else.

As for the injured party, they exhibit a high degree of integrity by staying, when they should go in pursuit of personal happiness.

There is a growing trend among couples to find a solution within the home. Rather than simply throwing away all that they have built up, through understanding and love they work to hold it together. The formula allows for the person in need to receive the attention that is missing from their life. The personal ads show several invitations from couples looking for a man or a woman to come into their home to be a part of the family.

This is a brave new world within which we live, but if we can be as mature as this to solve our problems, we need have no worries about our integrity.


Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

How Nice to Meet You! (Part Two)

It is as natural as night follows day that when we meet someone for the first time, especially in a social setting, we make every effort to put our best foot forward. I want your first impression of me to be favourable. In perhaps most cases we present someone who is not really ourselves. Sometimes, the real person whom we are is not allowed to come through until much later. It really all depends on the agenda.

In ridiculous situations, when meeting through the Internet, the two people who have agreed to meet face to face, although armed with their internet descriptions can only recognize each other by the particular clothing that they said they would be wearing.

He said that he was six feet tall and muscular with a full head of hair. He is really 5 foot six, balding with a paunch, and bowed legs. She said that she was blonde, just a little over her ideal weight, and she thought she could reasonably claim to be quite good looking. Well, he could see right away that her blonde hair was not quite properly positioned, and he wondered what she considered her ideal weight.

These are the obvious lies, and while not a good start, at worst they should create mistrust. Without trust, can there be anything substantial and reliable? That is building the house on a foundation of sand.

The thing that is so wrong with so many relationships today is that the person we thought we married turns out to be someone else completely different. When I married my wife in England, being a foreigner I was quizzed by the Registrar who was trying to determine whether this was a marriage of convenience between a foreigner and an Englishwoman. Did I really know her? My response was: “Do any of the people who come in here know each other, and if so, how come some time later they end up asking, who the hell are you?

It will never happen this way, but what if he said to her as part of the getting acquainted stage: “ I am basically looking for a woman who will take over pampering me as my mother did. When I lived at home I never helped with the housework, and my clothes were always ready for me to put on. My mother never seemed to mind when I just dumped them in a corner to be washed, and I don’t expect you to mind either. Here’s a list of all of my favourite foods and when I expect to have them.

I also fully intend to have evenings away from home with me mates, and I don’t expect you to give me grief about it. I may drink a bit too much at times, but boys will be boys, right?”

She could then state that to take her on means high maintenance. She fully expects a couple of holidays abroad each year, and she can’t help being a spendthrift. The dishes may pile up a bit because of her nails, and she considers it absolutely essential that her hair be perfect at all times. And, oh! The sex thing. You can expect the frequency of such encounters to fall off quite quickly.

Perhaps I’m exaggerating and things are not so dire after all. But the point I think is still valid. Honesty is the best policy, and in the getting acquainted stage couples need to talk openly and frankly about their hopes and wishes and needs and wants, and particularly their expectations of each other.

Most people will tell you that if they knew then what they know now they certainly would not have advanced into a marriage, at least not with one another. That’s so sad, and sadder still is the fact that it happens all the time. So many tragedies can be prevented by not entering into them in the first place. If only we knew what we needed to know at the time.

So, to give your new relationship a real fighting chance, if you want it to last you’ll have to be completely forthcoming from the start. You each have to ask yourselves “what does the other person have a right to know about me?” If you have nothing to hide, then hide nothing. Start off building trust, the fuel that drives the relationship. Without trust, you’re running on empty. If what you have to tell is too hot to handle for the other person then you have no basis for a relationship, and that is better to discover at the start.


Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

How Nice to Meet You!

Part One


We live in a funny world. In the large cities anything untoward can happen at any time. Men and women are terribly afraid of each other. We have to be alert to danger to the extent that we cannot afford to accept an act of simple friendship without trying to determine if there is more to it.

In my own island we are brought up to be friendly as a national product, since we are in the twin businesses of international insurance and tourism. We are expected to greet each other and all visitors with a hearty “ Good Day!” That completely catches the visitor off-guard, and their most common response is “Say What?” Then they go on instant terror alert and presume that you want to sell them something or steal their wallet or handbag. All that we want them to have is a nice Bermudaful day.

In a more genteel time, if you wanted to meet someone, about whom you were curious, you simply went up to them and held out your hand and said, “Hello, my name is (what my name is) and I wanted to meet you because of, whatever.

Well, we still insist on greeting in the street. But a disturbing number of locals rely on the Internet to search for a mate. What happened? All over the world the trend is the same. We have come to rely on the safe (?) compartment of the Internet, when in fact nothing could be farther from the truth. Oh sure, the initial contact is super convenient. You put up your profile and state what you are looking for in a potential mate and the responses come rolling in.

Then, you have to leave the security of your computer room and actually go out into the world and meet face to face with this stranger who you can almost be certain has misrepresented himself or herself. Start with your own profile. Could that do with a little editing to get a little closer to the truth?

Although there are millions of names listed on a never-ending assortment of websites representing all sorts of combinations looking for each other, I’m beginning to think that in reality it’s the same dozen men and women after all. I reach this conclusion based on the descriptions people give of themselves.

I browsed the “Buzon de Amigos” section of a Spanish daily newspaper and something very interesting immediately jumped out at me. The postings of women seeking men always start by stating that she is single, or divorced, separated or widow, and she describes something of herself, such as Happy, and Friendly, Fun, Sensitive, Loving, Simple, Romantic, Sincere, Intelligent, Cultured, Loyal, Honest, Body in good condition, Elegant, Thin, or a little over her ideal weight, Normal, Quiet, Sense of Humour, with or without vices, a little timid, and good looking.

They then go on to describe the things that matter to them, such as the Cinema; Dancing; the Theatre; the great Outdoors; Walking, Bicycling; Mountain Climbing; Camping; Swimming, the Beach; Gardening, Music, Art; Museums; Travelling; Painting, Going out, or Staying In to enjoy quiet times together; Reading; Cooking; Sports, Animals; Good Television.

They then list the crucial things that they are looking for in a man, or to be precise the things that would be unacceptable. They finish by saying that they are principally seeking friendship, but that hopefully that would lead to something more intimate and lasting.

Then I looked at the postings of men seeking women. Most men simply said that they were of a certain age and their occupation was that of businessman or engineer, or hard worker, and then they went on to describe the type of woman they were seeking. Many of the men said that they were looking for friendship. (Do we believe them?)

Fellas! Guys! Fellas! You just don’t get it! Are you disappointed not to get even one bite? This medium of attracting a possible partner has enough problems built-in to it already. You don’t have to make it even worse. The ladies are going way out on a limb to try and meet you in this manner, and so far you haven’t helped them one little bit.

You are a complete unknown. She doesn’t even have your picture at this point, and even if she had she shouldn’t necessarily believe it. You have to tell her something about yourself, but you will get only one chance for first impressions. This is not the time to lie. So why then do so many people do just that?

In part two of this thread let’s examine what it would be like if we told each other the brutal truth about ourselves when we first meet.



Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Is your Lovely Lady a Lunatic?

Is Your Lovely Lady a Lunatic?

Paul R. from Melbourne, Australia wants to know. He writes:

“ G’day mate! The thing about some Sheilas is that they are completely mad. You tell them that you love them more than words can say, and that you would do anything for them, and everyday, in every possible way that they can imagine they test you.

“ I have finally come to my senses and rid myself of the worst experience of my life by losing 60 kilos of pure evil. I was slow to realize that because the story of my relationship with my ex-girl friend started like they do in the movies. Our eyes locked across a crowded bar, and little by little we came together. Her name is Paula, so we thought that we were made for each other, Paul and Paula. She was blonde, (later I discovered that came from a bottle), blue-eyed (the effect of her contact lens), and she is superb in the chest department. Even they were breast implants, although I really didn’t care about that because they were fun to play with. On meeting her and sizing her up I realized I was actually drooling a little from the side of my mouth.

“She took her time with me and played me like a didgeridoo. I had to wait a whole month before she took me into her bed, but that was like having won the freaking lotto.

“Whenever she wanted something, or did something naughty, and let me tell you about some of those, she would always say “if you really loved me, blah, blah, blah.”

“I’m a working class guy in construction. Naturally, I work bloody hard for my money, so why was I giving this girl the finest that money could buy? She loved eating out and jewellery. Whenever I bought her a special piece that she liked she rewarded me with something extra in bed. It never occurred to me to ask myself where she learned her techniques. Sometimes I would buy her jewellery that she did not like. Then she would say she wanted to take it back to choose something else. Invariably that cost more money. During the three years with her I never saved a penny. What a bitch!

“After a short while I changed from my room to renting a full house so that we could live together. There were times when she said that she would be visiting her relatives and she would be gone for days. Australia, as you know is a big place, so if you have relatives scattered all over this involves many days travelling time. She insisted that she didn’t want a mobile phone, so once out of the house she would be out of contact. During those periods I would wait and worry and long for her return like the sick Koala that I was.

“On one such trip when she was visiting her Aunt Sue in Sydney, which is a trillion kilometres to the north, I could swear I saw her in another bloke’s car passing the jobsite I was on. It was probably just her twin, I told myself, but the thought of what my eyes were telling me did shake me up. I couldn’t call her because she said her aunt didn’t have a phone. Does anybody living in Sydney not have a phone?

“On one of our nights out she openly flirted with another guy. When I had a grumble about it she said I needn’t worry. I was the only man she could ever love, but she asked me if I had ever fantasized about watching her make love to another man. If I really loved her I would support her fantasy about she in bed with me and this other guy. She would rather not go behind my back, and for one couple to be only with the other partner for the rest of our lives was unrealistic.

“The amber fluid (beer) flowed well that night and before the night was over the three of us had a good old rump in bed. I was depressed for days after. However, it wasn’t long before she spotted someone else she wanted a threesome with but he had a girlfriend. That didn’t stop her, and before long she managed to get the four of us in bed. The other girl and I made a half-hearted effort but we were distracted by the ferocity of her energy in absolutely consuming the guy. She seemed to be performing for her audience.

“We talked about it the next day, but she would not let me complain by reminding me that I should have been busy in giving pleasure to his Barbie (girlfriend). If I loved her I would not deny her such harmless pleasures. After all, she was not cheating on me behind my back.

“She was a lousy homemaker, expecting me to do all the cleaning and cooking, things that she assumed I would be glad to do if I really loved her.

“ Finally, one day I woke up, and I really woke up to what this crazy woman was all about. I had to go through an exorcism-like experience to get rid of her, and now I wonder what was I thinking. She was absolutely amazed that I no longer loved her.

I have to give her credit for one thing: That is when we met I told her that I wanted her, and I wanted to get to know her better. She said, “ No you don’t! You don’t want me, you don’t want to get to know me!”

“ The moral of this story is that if a woman says those words to you when you meet her, remember that she knows herself better than you ever can, so do not hesitate, RUN!!!!

Does this sound like someone you know? I think I do. Got a story to share with us, contact me at eugene.spain@gmail.com

Copyright (c) 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Who you calling a Bastard!

All babies are born equal! It is we, the adults that stick the labels on them. But in their innocence they are all equally charming and loveable.

So, why then, in this so-called age of enlightenment are we intelligent adults placing some into a category that we call “Illegitimate”. The dictionary describes such a state as being “not authorized by law”. A child not born within marriage is not lawfully born?

Firstly, what are laws but rules prescribed by men and women for the benefit of those in control of society at the time. History is replete with examples of laws that operated, that in the fullness of time were judged to be brutal, draconian, and an outrage to modern-day decency. Laws that made legitimate the practise of discrimination, oppression of minorities and women, and the ownership of slaves, are but a few of the more despicable lawful acts that have shown the depravity of men against their fellow human beings, when left unchecked.

There is apparently a country where the law states that no virgin may marry. All virgins must be officially de-flowered by men for whom this is their only job. The families must pay to have this done. It’s the law! Is it a just law that deserves the respect and civil obedience? Of course not!

Getting back to this odious law that makes an innocent baby guilty of a crime, who benefits? I can only think of one class of person to gain, and that is the man who has extra-marital affairs, or who fathers his children exclusively outside marriage. Through this law such offspring are disallowed from claiming a right to inherit along with those children within his marriage, if he is married. They are also forestalled from enjoying several other rights that otherwise they would be entitled to.

The shameful state of affairs that exists is that the law protects the guilty and condemns the innocent. The legal fraternity allow this to continue; apparently Law Reform Committees everywhere turn a blind eye to its effects, and actually support and enforce it.

As if to underscore the point that I am trying to make, there are men who quite deliberately father as many children as they can with as many dumb women as they can find. These men define their manhood by being able to brag about the number of children they have fathered. Of course, such idiots do not care for any of them.

Fortunately those born outside of wedlock need not find such circumstances an impediment to leading a normal life. Many such persons rise to positions of great prominence and power, including the power to make change. The question is asked, then why don’t they? It is difficult to understand why this antiquated law is not finally done away with. It needs to be thrown out with all the other embarrassing trash of the past. Its continued existence is an embarrassment to all decent minded citizens; it encourages irresponsible behaviour on the part of certain men, who know that the consequences of their actions are limited; and as for the individuals themselves who come to realise that they are not legitimate, they almost universally suffer an unnecessarily painful humiliation, imposed upon them by the law, and unwittingly, their parents.

Who makes laws? Parliament does. Who can repeal laws? Parliament can.

Perhaps this is more timely than might at first be thought. Laws that sent people to jail for their sexual orientation are now being reviewed and changed to the extent that the pendulum has completely swung to the other extreme. At least homosexuals and lesbians no longer need lead their lives “in the closet”, ashamed of whom they truly are. In the past they were persecuted and hounded just for being different.

In certain parts of the United States of America, history tells of a time when one man could lawfully have owned another as his property, as though the human was an animal. In certain parts of Africa today, it is still completely lawful to own slaves. There are laws that make female castration legal. Should such laws be changed without delay? Of course they should!

One place to begin would be to ascertain whether this is one man’s irrelevant rant, or whether there is significant support for repeal or radical amendment of the various legal Acts that give life to the branding of a person as one who has no legitimate right to exist. Presumably there is also the school of thought that holds that no change should be contemplated. I would appreciate hearing from both sides of the issue.

Please e-mail me at eugene.spain@gmail.com







Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

The Diving Dollar

First came 9/11, and America had to respond to that. What the world saw was a measured and calculated reply to the supporters and the perpetrators of the attack on New York and Washington, and no one was either surprised or even that outraged, including Al Queda’s sympathisers. The dollar took a hit, but didn’t lose too much ground.

But then came Iraq, and the controversy surrounding all that, and the dollar was hit hard. The hits just keep coming and the dollar just keeps on falling, like a prizefighter with no one’s ear to bite on, it’s down on one knee and it seemingly just can’t get up.

Certainly, the cost of running two wars is taking its toll. Meanwhile, the euro keeps getting stronger, perhaps not quite as much as seems, but with the dollar falling like a rock the euro now stands supreme. One positive thing out of all this is that we haven’t heard a thing from the United States about its deficit for some time. That’s because I suspect that there is no deficit. Really, there should be a surplus, or would be if so much was not being spent on the wars. Goodness knows what would happen to the dollar if the Unites States is drawn into an armed conflict with Iran.

There is also another force acting upon the dollar to drag it down, and that is the currency speculators. That lot have been dumping the dollar to hold euros, and every time the dollar falls another notch, they rejoice.

Clearly, the dollar is headed for the psychological conversion rate of 1.50, meaning it will cost one dollar and fifty cents to buy one euro. That is making life in Europe miserable on the one hand, and a delight on the other. At even the current rate, America is on sale. Tourism to America is up. American exports are up, but Europe can’t sell much outside the zone, so what’s an European to do?

My guess is that there is a devaluation coming of the euro, and a significant one at that. If you’re holding euros and enjoying the ride, my guess is that you will wake up on a Monday morning to find that the euro has been devalued by thirty or forty percent. So when to sell and take your profit?

Sometimes, Greed may actually be good. At other times, greed can make one choke.

Which will it be in your case, Mr. Speculator?

Copyright © 2007 Eugene carmichael

The Wisest Woman there ever Was?

(Couple shown are models)

The husband of the above-mentioned Wise Woman told this story to me, and it left a lasting impression on me for both its message and the pride with which it was told. In more or less his own words:

“ I married my high school sweetheart when I was 19. She was the only girl with whom I had ever had sex, so I was quite inexperienced, and very curious about other women. However, I did take the marriage seriously and we got on with raising a family.

“I worked as a waiter in the hotel industry. I worked partly during the day as well at night, and I was meeting a lot of unattached women who were at play. Usually after work in the evening I went along with the guys for a drink.

“One night I met this girl from Boston who was apparently having a good time and very much in the mood. She was too much of a temptation, so she and I went round the back of the building and got it on, hot and heavy. I felt so guilty, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy it. I never saw her again.

“That night when I went home I worried that my wife would detect something, but she was asleep as usual, and after washing I went to bed. After my morning shift I had lunch at home as though nothing at all had happened. I thought I was in the clear. I went into the bedroom to change my clothes and my wife came in after me, pulled the curtains and started getting undressed as well.

“Come lie down on the bed, Honey, rest a while. So I did as I was told. We made love with a passion that had been missing since the early years, and afterward, while she lay in my arms, she whispered these most terrifying words in my ear.

“Honey, I believe that last night you had sex with another woman. I could smell her perfume on you, also you had the smell of a woman’s special scent when you came to bed. You don’t have to say anything. I don’t need to hear you deny it to save my feelings. A woman just knows. The thing is that if you feel you have to go outside our marriage to get sex, I feel that’s my fault. I am obviously not taking proper care of you. Now, we can’t have you running around to other women for something that’s my responsibility, so I will make sure that you get all the sex you want, right here at home. Anytime of day or night, I’m here for you.”

“That was about 1pm. At five o’clock, just before I went to work she was ready, and insistent again. After work I went straight home as I was dead tired. She was waiting up for me. We had a drink, she was very soft and cuddly, and as we slipped into bed she said she was there for me if I wanted. Well, I didn’t want! She let me go to sleep in her embrace.

“ After that, she combined loving attention and kindness on me, together with genuine warmth and the care of a woman who was concerned about holding her family together. She wasn’t so forceful or aggressive about the sex thing as to disgust me, but I must admit that there came a time when I would not have minded if I never had sex ever again. She wasn’t careless as to my needs. Got a fantasy, big boy? Want to try something new? I’m with you baby, all the way.

“I ‘m telling you that not only do I love my wife, and appreciate her, but I also respect her intelligence, especially in the way that she handled a difficult situation. I can’t think of any other woman who would have handled the situation so well. In fact, in most cases an indiscretion like mine might have led to the break-up of the marriage. “

I was talking to a mutual friend and the name of our hero came up. My friend had been told the same story. In fact, the couple recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, and the man had actually told the story to the astonished reporter who asked, “To what do you owe the longevity of your marriage?”

I find this an inspiring tale in an era when marriages collapse with such monotonous regularity, some being so brief that the couple fight over custody of the wedding cake.

The Wisest Woman who ever there Was? You bet!






Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

What do People Want?

This is a most intriguing question. There was a time when the answer would have been relatively simple, but in this, the age of the Internet, things have become quite a bit complicated.

It began with the “Personals” columns. People who simply could not find a friend any other way advertised that they would like to meet someone of similar interests in the hope of forming a friendship and some company. These were all very above-board, and they continue in this vein. No doubt that many people have found company and friendship, and even more. Trying to meet other people, short of joining all sorts of clubs, through newspaper and Internet dating clubs is a fairly efficient way to go.

No problems in this regards, except one still has to be careful when meeting the person behind the other ad.

What is taking my attention are those other and alternative lifestyles that get advertised along with the standards. It is here where I sit up and take notice of the desires of some very brave folk. Here are some examples:

- There are girls who are looking for female lovers, and boys who are looking for male lovers. Nothing especially noteworthy there.
- A married couple, ages 30 and 34, are looking for a bisexual woman to join them in their bed;
- A man, aged 40 years, is seeking a couple of ladies between the ages of 35 to 40, to join him in his bed. (Does he realize how much work that is?)
- A couple, ages 39 and 40 are looking for another couple about the same ages to love each other, sporadically;
- A 28 year-old female is looking for a married couple into whose home she seeks to move into for bisexual relations. (How long do we think it will take her to force the wife out?)
- A very common quest is for married couples seeking other married couples to share their sexual lives with. It seems to me that they should join one of the many Swinging Clubs that are popping up. Perhaps this is how so many clubs get started. Men, know one thing: if you can somehow find a way to put the suggestion to your wife that you and she should become swingers, if she agrees it will not be for your sake.
- The one that takes the prize is the advertisement from a middle age lady who is seeking the company of a small group of male friends, at least three at a time. She guarantees a good time will be had by all, and as well she considers that she pays well. (Crumbs! I wonder how large her mailbag is?).

So, what a brave new world it is in which we live. What will life be like 100 years from now?


Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael

Prostitutes are People Too!

I want to tell this story because it involves people who are, for the most part invisible. They stand around posing and encouraging men to buy their wares, but in doing so they are an embarrassment to the average person, men included.

So, we turn our heads away, or otherwise avert our eyes. But these are people who mostly find themselves in dire straits and they do what they do to survive. They find nothing whatsoever enjoyable about their profession, and they absolutely despise the men who use them, while at the same time they are grateful for the support.

My experience with prostitutes is most unusual, and is a story, I think, well worth telling because it does provide a certain insight that is rare.

While away from home I began taking my evening meals at a pub that was located in a certain commercial centre. To get there I passed through a roundabout that was used by a group of ladies of the night. From where they stood they could see where I parked my car.

The first couple of nights of my passing brought much friendly greetings, but on the third night, just as I was finishing my meal, another one of the regulars came in and said that my friends were waiting for me at the car, and they seemed to be upset. Of course I was mystified, and on investigating we found that most of the girls had been battered and bloodied. Apparently a group of men had posed as customers and when they had gone off in the bush they beat and robbed the girls.

Now they were calling on the one person who they thought would be helpful. “Please mister, all we want to do is go home. Please, can you drive us home?” A voice in my head said you need to walk away from this, but I agreed to help as it seemed to be the decent thing to do.

By this time a small crowd had gathered and some of the women patrons took the girls who were in the worst way to the washroom and tidied them up. One of the girls had suffered a direct blow to the eye that was swollen into a ball, and others were bleeding from swollen and cut lips.

They all piled into my seven-seater and away we went. It was while I was underway that it occurred to me that here I was with a car full of prostitutes. What policeman would believe that I was not their pimp. This might have truly been an example of “no good deed going unpunished.”

We arrived at their destination without incident and they all said thank you and retreated into an apartment building, except my front seat passenger. She said her name was Bunny, and she had not been beaten. I suppose she concluded that so it shouldn’t be a complete loss she would try to drum up some business with me.

I told her, Thanks, but no thanks! However, she pressed me. “Why you don’t stop for us? Why you don’t give us some business, you nice man, we like to do business with you!”

I replied that it was just not my thing. “Oh! You gay man?” “No, I’m not gay.” I explained that I was distressed to see the girls who had made it all the way to Spain being engaged in the same activity that so many left behind in their own country. “You have come here for a better life and you are here on the street selling your humanity in this way, and it really does get to me. Under no circumstances could I enjoy a sexual encounter with someone who does that sort of thing against their will.”

“But why should you care? You are not responsible for me. My problems are my own!”

“ I care because you are a human being with the right to dignity and self esteem. I care because prostitutes are women and people too, and I have my own conscience to contend with. I just could not bring myself to take advantage of you in that way. I have too much respect for you.”

Bunny began to cry and it grew into a deep, agony filled, free-flow, rocking backwards and forwards wail. In between her sobs she blurted that I was the very first person in her entire life who saw her as a human being, and that included her own family who sent her out on to the streets when she was a mere twelve years old to bring some money home.

Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael